Four Hearts
by MyTwiDreams
Summary: Alice Cullen has built herself a new life in another country. She hasn't spoken to her former best friend, Bella, in over three years. When an unexpected tragedy hits her family, Alice is forced to return home and face the woman who broke her heart without even knowing about it. - Life, it does offer second chances. Just not always in the way we wish for them./AH/Bellice - Complete
1. Chapter 1

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Hey, everyone & welcome to my newest fanfic project. I've not posted anything in a month and it feels like an eternity to me. I have missed writing so much, it's not normal.

A big shout-out goes to _**Bellice Fan**_ for giving me the idea to this story. I really hope you are going to like how it turned out. Let me know.

This is an AH story and if you don't enjoy Bella and Alice having a pulse, you know where to click to close this site. Also, I've decided that I want Bella to be curvy in this fic. There are enough stories out where she's size zero or something close to that. I have a heart for Bella with a bit more meat on her bones and I hope you'll like her too.

Also, it is not my intent to offend anyone like people who love Emmett, Australians, Catholics, Wearer of Mom Jeans and everyone else I might have forgotten.

Thanks to all of my readers who are willing to give this ride a try. I'm grateful to have you by my side.

***1***

_A good friend is cheaper than therapy_

_(Author Unknown)_

This is your end, I thought, biting back tears in my eyes. The only thing that was left for me was to go down in dignity. I had a tendency to cry too easily. It had always been like that. With a sigh I took another deep breathe in a pointless attempt to calm down my nerves. My hand quivered when I lifted my lip gloss to my pale mouth to tint it with a hint of color. Then I forced myself to smile. Just get over with it, I tried to encourage me. In a few minutes everything would be over. My future in this company, Volturi Fashion Press, would be ended before it had actually begun.

Wiping a single dark-inked eyelash from my left cheek, I walked out of the bathroom. I closed my eyes and carefully blow the tiny eyelash from my finger, making a wish. The only wish I could think of right now apart from the other one. The one, I knew was impossible for whatever kind of higher power to make come true. Maybe that would give me some extra points in this situation now.

_I don't want to get fired._

It had been a week since I had changed an article my boss, Mr. Marcus, had given me to get it ready for print. Technically, all I had to do was proofread the entire thing and discuss the pictures we were going to use with one of the photographers. It's not that difficult. But for some reason, I didn't do how I was told last week.

When I read through the article, Marcus had written, I found it to be so horribly boring that I couldn't resist making some, well, maybe a bit more changes to the manuscript.

The day after the edition of the magazine was published I received an email that had left me sleepless for the rest of the week.

I was asked to attend a meeting with the highest boss in the company, Mary Jane Volturi, herself. During the three years I had been working as an assistant to Mr. Marcus, I had never got to speak a single word to her. Assistants were below her. Secretaries were below her. Well, actually everyone in the company, apart from her own father maybe. Aro Volturi was an ambitious man who was determined to make Volturi Fashion Press bigger than Vogue one day. For this goal he was willing to try anything, possible within his power.

"You can go right through to her." Jane's secretary Chelsea told me, granting me one of her faked smiles. "Good luck, Miss Cullen."

"Thanks," I muttered, straightening my back before I opened the door to the gates of hell and walked inside.

She was small, a petite woman, even a head lower than my own 4.7 frame. Jane always dressed completely in black, what made her ghostly white skin appear a bit sickish. When she noticed me, she looked up from her polished silver-framed glass desk.

"Good Morning, Miss Cullen. Have a seat." She greeted me without the slightest hint of a smile. Her lips were colored in a burgundy red and her grey eyes seemed small and cruel to me behind the thick layer of black eye-shadow she had applied around them today.

"How are you today, Miss Cullen?"

"Good, I think. " I croaked. "Maybe a bit nervous to be honest,"

This made her smile now. A creepy smile that reminded me of that of a witch in one of the fairytale books my mother had read to me when I was a child. If Jane's hair had been red instead of a bright wheat-blonde the comparison with a witch would be easier. During the last three months this woman had fired five people, two of them long-term employees. If you managed to displease Mary Jane Volturi, she didn't bother with giving people second chances.

On the edge of her table was the calamitous magazine. The article I had written was marked with pink and yellow post-it's all over it.

"I'm sorry, Miss Volturi." I told her, my voice trembling with tears I was suppressing. "I don't know what came over me, when I changed that article. I'm so sorry. I had no right to do it."

"You're right about that, Miss Cullen. Or may I call you Mary Alice?"

"Just Alice, please."

"Fine, Alice, then you shall call me Jane. I never cared too much for the extra Mary added to my name. It's a name for losers, don't you agree?"

I nodded in silence. My mouth felt terribly dry and my palms were sweating against the fabric of my blue skirt.

"I could fire you for that stunt you pulled with that article." Jane told me in an overly sweetly voice. "In fact, Mr. Marcus himself has suggested this to me, when he found out about it."

"I'm sorry." I whispered desperately. My eyes filled with tears. I was going to cry. So much for going down in dignity…

Jane stood up from her chair and cleared her throat. "Save your tears for another opportunity. I don't wish for you to make some hysterical scene in my office."

"I'm so sorry, Miss Vol- Jane. Please, don't fire me. I need this job. Send me down to work for that weirdo who runs the filling department, if you like. Just don't fire me, I beg on you."

"Stop whining and crying, I can't stand such behavior." Jane scolded me, before she pulled out a box of tissues from underneath her desk.

"I wasn't planning on firing you, Alice."

"You were not?" I gasped. The feeling of relief that spread through me was overwhelming. Quickly I cleaned my nose and tried to wipe my face without smearing my mascara too much all over my cheeks. She wasn't going to fire me? How wonderful!

"That article you've written, it shows that you have some talent. Talent but not enough experience."

"I'm sorry about that."

"Stop apologizing. That's something for the weak. You aren't weak, are you, Alice?"

"I don't think so, Jane."

"Great. See, I'm planning on getting some fresh air into this company. Your writing is full of fire, of love for fashion. The way you talked about how you can sense a woman's mood on the shoes she's wearing. That was brilliant. I liked that part in the article a great deal."

"Thank you, Jane."

"Oh, it's just the plain truth. I'd like to see more of your work in the future."

"I'd love that." I stuttered nervously. "But I didn't know there were any jobs for writers open."

She grinned, her small teeth flashing up against the dark red of her lips. "Well, let me tell you a little secret. Mr. Marcus is only going to stay with us until October. Then he's going to retire and his job will be free."

I raised one eyebrow. Mr. Marcus was planning to retire? He had never mentioned something about this to me.

"Are you sure, he's going to retire? He's a bit too young for that."

"I am sure. Marcus wants to return back to England to stay with his parents. They are both in a retirement home and he wants to be closer to them. "

"I see."

"What about you, Alice? Don't you want to move back home to the States any time near?"

"Not really. I like it here in Sydney. It's a wonderful place to live."

Jane nodded her head and sipped on the bottle of Evian water that was standing next to her phone. Her lipstick left a mark on the glass. It looked like blood.

"You are going to work under Mr. Caius for the next weeks. He's a bastard but if you can learn from anyone how this business is done, it's him. When he returns from his trip to Canberra next Monday, you can start right through."

"I don't know what to say to this, Jane. This is not what I expected when I received that email from your secretary."

"What did you expect? I don't tend to waste my time, firing little assistants. We would have sent you a letter to do so. Now, about what you should say. A thank you would be perfectly enough."

"Thank you. Thank you so much, Jane. This is an incredible chance you are giving me."

"You're welcome. Try not to disappoint me. I don't like that."

"I won't. " I promised eagerly while I fought the urge to nibble my nail polish off my thumb. It was a nervous habit that I had developed as a young teenager and never managed to give up.

"Let's hope so. My father is terribly fond of you as well. He has a thing for American women."

Aro Volturi was a creeper whose breathe permanently smelled like mint gums and alcohol. The first of them a clear attempt to cover up his drinking habits.

"Your file states you're from Seattle. How is it like there?" Jane asked me, sitting down on her chair again. She kicked off her heels and rubbed the ankles with her fingertips. Wearing high heels wasn't very comfortable. I knew about that.

"Okay. A bit cold from time to time perhaps,"

"Tell me something about your family? Are they journalists as well?"

"Hell, no! My Mom is a social worker and my father works as a pediatrician. Both of them don't care too much for fashion at all."

"A doctor? That's impressive. I like doctors. Tell me, Alice, don't you miss home?"

I shook my head. Sure, I did miss my mother and the rest of my family terribly. But for me there was no way I was going to move back home again—ever. Moving back would mean to be forced to face _her_ and _him_ again and I couldn't endure the very thought of it.

xxxxxx

"Congratulations, sweetie!" Charlotte greeted me. She hugged me tightly and kissed both of my cheeks. During the last days I'd been whining to her about my upcoming meeting with Jane, the fashion witch, like people tended to call her behind her back.

Charlotte, my best friend here, was thrilled that I was going to get promoted.

"I'm so happy for you, sweetheart. We need to celebrate. Look, I've already ordered some drinks for us. Don't try to talk me into letting you live on diet coke the whole night again. Such an occasion calls for champagne."

"This is beer."

"It's good beer. They don't serve any champagne here. Are you hungry? Let's order some pizza."

"I already ate."

"What?"

"I don't remember. Some sandwich I bought in my lunch break. I think it was turkey."

Charlotte rolled her eyes at me. For some reason she had a tendency to act like a mother hen around me. She was always trying to make sure I was well fed, healthy and happy. The last one was probably the most difficult one of them. I met Charlotte during my first week in Australia. She found me sobbing in front of a café, drowning myself in the misery of my broken heart. It didn't feel like it was only my heart that had been ripped apart, more like my very soul, had been crumbled into countless, tiny fragments.

I highly doubt I was any kind of good company for Charlotte during the first weeks of our friendships. All I did was cry or stare into open space while Charlotte tried her best to cheer me up. To me, she's the kindest, most warm-hearted person. She has adopted me into her life like someone would adopt a dirty puppy you'd find in a box at some street corner.

"You need to eat something warm. The pizza here is good. Jasper likes it."

Jasper was a photographer who helped me to get my current job at Volturi Fashion Press. He worked for the company himself a few years ago but now he prefers to be his own boss. Charlotte was dating his friend Peter and I knew, she'd be more than happy if Jasper and I would end up as a couple. It wasn't going to happen. Neither me nor him are interested in the opposite sex. Even if we were, there is no way I'd be able to open myself up to a devoted relationship. Maybe some people can only love once in their lifetime. I think I could be one of them.

"Mushrooms or bacon?" Charlotte asked, startling me in my daydreaming.

"What?"

"As a topping. Don't say you want tuna. It's gross. You know I can't stand the smell of it."

"Mushrooms sound good to me. Let's order that." I told her, lifting the bottle of beer to my mouth. It was cold and delicious. With a sigh I savored the slightly bitter taste of it on my tongue.

"I'm so happy for you getting that new job. It was time someone noticed how hard you are working."

"I don't think Mr. Marcus is too happy about Jane giving me his job." I said, taking another sip from my beer. It was my third one this night or maybe my forth? I didn't remember.

Charlotte chuckled and leaned over to me to whisper in my ear. "Are you drunk?"

"No," I giggled, feeling the heat stream through my head. Alcohol didn't do well with me. Maybe it was because I was such a lightweight. I got tipsy after one glass of wine.

"I think you are. Eat the rest of your pizza."

"But it's cold now." I giggled. "I don't like cold pizza."

"Eat up, like your momma told you to." Charlotte demanded, waving with a slice of greasy pizza in front of my face. I swallowed it in hungry bites. Drinking alcohol always increased my appetite for salty food. I was just about to dive my hand into the bowl with peanuts on the table when I felt a big hand around my wrist.

"Don't. You never eat peanuts in a bar. They are full of germs."

"But I want some now." I whined, crossing my arms in front of my chest like a sullen child.

"Charlotte, for fucks sake, how can she already be drunk?" Jasper asked her, sitting down on the chair next to mine. He peeled his leather jacket down his shoulders and placed it on his lap. "You know she can't handle alcohol."

"We're just celebrating. Alice, you aren't that drunk yet, are you?"

"I'm fine." I prattled. "I just want to eat some peanuts now. They are yummy."

"Eat them, if you must." Jasper sighed, pushing the bowl closer to me. "If you get food poisoning I won't visit you in the hospital."

"Deal." I chuckled, stuffing a handful of crunchy peanuts in my mouth. "What have you been doing today? Made any nice pictures?"

"Yes."

"Show me." I pleaded. I had developed a liking in Jasper's photographic skills. He had a talent to magically freeze emotions into black and white pictures. It's his dream to open a gallery in a couple of years. I'm sure it's going to be a success.

He wrapped his arm around me and held his camera up, clicking through a row of sunset pictures that appeared on the tiny screen.

"Lovely. Why don't you ever take pictures of people?" Charlotte asked, leaning over to peak on the screen.

"Oh I do that. I have a thing for nudes. Just need to find the perfect muse for me I guess."

"Pervert, "Charlotte teased him. "What you need is to get laid."

"My sex life is perfectly fine. Thanks for your concern. It's Alice who needs to get laid if you ask me."

"No one is asking you." I growled, pushing his arm from me. My constant status as a single was something my so-called friends always felt the need to do something about. After telling Charlotte I was a lesbian she had set me up on dates with every other gay woman she knew. None of these dates had ended up in more than a one-night-stand. I liked sex. I didn't like the thought of falling in love. It would end painfully and I couldn't risk that to happen.

"He didn't mean it like that. Crap, Jasper, apologize to her. You know how sensitive she is with that subject."

"Sorry, Alice." he mumbled. "I'm just looking out for you. The right one, she's out there for you, I know."

"I don't think she is." I said, finishing off the rest of my beer that was already lukewarm by now. Inside of my chest my heart cramped at the memory of _her_. Better to have loved and lost or however they say. The thought didn't comfort me the tiniest bit.


	2. Chapter 2

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Hugs & Kisses to those of you who reviewed the first chapter. I'm grateful you liked the beginning of the story. It's great to get feedback from my readers. I appreciate it a lot. Let's see how things go on. Shall we?

****2****

_You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them._

_(Desmond Tutu)_

My head was throbbing. I pulled my pillow over my head and pressed it against my ears. The loud sound of the phone didn't help one tiny bit with the awful hangover I was having. At least I hadn't thrown up again. I tried to ignore the ringing. Charlotte was probably trying to make sure I had made it home safely last night. I would call her back later when the pain meds had started working.

"Leave me alone, Charlotte." I murmured into my blankets. "I'm dying."

After a few more moments the machine picked up and to my surprise it wasn't Charlotte's cheerful voice that started playing but that of my mother. She sounded bad, like she was crying and that made me jump up from my bed and reach for the phone at the other side of the room.

"Mom?"

"Alice? Oh hi, darling. I probably woke you up. I'm sorry about that."

"It's okay, Mom. " I mumbled, rubbing my eyes. She sniffed into the receiver and whispered something that I didn't understand. "What did you say?" I asked, walking over to the tiny kitchen in my apartment.

"Something terrible has happened. I've been trying to calm myself down but I can't. Your father has given me some tranquilizers. They don't work."

I snarled. My mother had the same overly sensitive nature like me. Both of us tended to get a bit too agitated too easily. I felt bad she was so agitated though right now.

"Mom, what's wrong? You are worrying me here."

She sniffed again. Then I heard her blow her nose loudly in the background.

"How can God let such a thing happen? How can he do such a cruel thing to our poor family?"

I sighed and pulled out a bottle of orange juice from the refrigerator to drink it.

"Mom, maybe you should let me speak to Dad or Edward. You need to sit down and take a deep breathe. Everything is going to be okay, I promise."

"Nothing is going to be okay! This is a disaster."

"Mom, please let me speak to my brother."

"Edward is not here. He's praying with Bella. The poor thing, you should have seen her. She was completely miserable when they told her Emmett is dead."

"Emmett is what?" I squeaked. "He's dead? How can he be dead? Mom, what happened?"

"It was an accident, a horrible accident with his motorbike. Some drunken driver hit him. Carlisle said," she told me while her voice was breaking from sobs. "He said Emmett got some severe brain injuries when he was kicked off the machine. Why did he have to ride a bike at all? That's not an acceptable hobby for a family father."

"He loved that bike." I whispered. "You know that, Mom. How is aunt Siobhan doing?"

"Whatever that woman has to endure, for some reason God gives her the strength to live through it."

"Is Bella okay?" I asked, the sound of her name falling from my lips almost strange in my ears. I had tried to blend the memory of her out as good as possible. It's rather impossible to forget someone who's part of your own family. After the wedding, I had broken off the contact to everyone back home as much as I could. It hadn't made things easier for me.

"Mom?"

"She's like a ghost. Renee is staying with her for a couple of days to help her with the kids. You know the two of them don't get along with each other. Bella can't stand Renee's bossiness."

I hummed and poured myself a glass of the cold juice. "Mom, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say."

"You are going to come home for the funeral, aren't you? Your father and I will book you a flight."

"Mom, I can't just leave. I have a job here."

"Mary Alice Cullen, whatever job you are having, it can't be as important as your family. If you want, I can talk to your boss and explain the situation to him. I'm sure he'll understand."

"Please, don't do that, Mom. You're going to make me appear completely unprofessional. I'll try to take a few days off."

"You are coming home? That's wonderful, darling, even if it's for such a sad reason."

"Mom, I'm sorry about Emmett. He was a great guy."

"You never talked about him like this when he was still alive."

"Well, he's not anymore. Aren't we supposed to honor the dead or something like this?"

She sighed. "Yes, my child. I'll email you the dates for your flight. The funeral is going to be on Friday."

"Mom, I'm sorry. Please, try to stop crying. It breaks my heart."

"I can't calm down. All I can do is think about how something terrible would happen to you or your brother. I wouldn't survive that. Oh, dear Christ, why do such things happen at all?"

For the next twenty minutes I listened to my mother's crying through the phone. It was impossible to calm her down. Whatever kind of medication my father had given her, it surely wasn't working. Eventually it was my father who got on the phone himself. I promised him too that I would attend the funeral. For the last three years I had managed to bring up every possible and impossible excuse to not come back home.

I missed Christmases and Birthdays and even the Baptism of Emmett and Bella's twins. Missing the last had been a tricky undertaking. Emmett had asked me if I wanted to become the girl's godmother. It was Bella's deepest wish, as he called it. But I refused. What use was a godmother to a child if she lived on another continent?

My headache had subsided into an unpleasant throbbing in my temples. I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep now though. Instead I packed, dropping the entire content of my closet on my bed in order to find my passport again. Where had I put it?

But it was not my passport that caught my eyes in the mixture of clothing, unopened bills and old fashion magazines. The plain brown envelope with the tiny blue letters in its right corner was a bit crumpled. I tried to flatten it but when I did that the pictures fell out of it.

There he was. Emmett, alive and grinning like his cheeks must hurt him. Next to him and more beautiful than any human being should be was her. Bella, my Bella, although it was so obviously in this picture that she was his and not mine. Tenderly I stroked the veil on her brown hair with my fingertip. I remembered how she had quivered when I had placed it in her hair. "Don't be scared." I had told her. "It's just a wedding."

I had kissed her forehead and done what I was supposed to do. That meant standing behind her, dressed in an awfully stiff red organza bridesmaid outfit while the love of my life got married to my cousin.

What if? That's what I had been asking myself for such a long time now. I've been raised to believe that everything happens for a reason. I don't think that's true.

What if Emmett hadn't decided to pay my family a visit during that summer five years ago? What if Bella hadn't liked him? What if he hadn't liked her? What if I had brought up the courage to confess my feelings for her?

I took another picture between my fingers. In this one it was just me and Bella. She had her arm wrapped around my bare shoulder and was smiling at me like I was her dearest person on earth. She loved me, with all of her heart and still not even close to being enough. Love is strange. It can make you feel like you're on cloud number nine and at the same time it's able to catapult you to the darkest corners of your inner hell.

"I'm sorry, Bella." I whispered, kissing her picture. "I'm so sorry I can't love you the right way."

Underneath my feet a box crunched and I leaned down, glad to find my missing passport inside of it. I put it inside my handbag and started throwing clothes inside my suitcase. Black, I was going to need some black outfit to wear to the funeral. I threw a pair of black wedges and a wool dress with a small leather belt on top of the other clothes.

I kneeled down next to my bed to speak a prayer but I couldn't remember a single one. Almost four years of avoiding God and everything that had to do with him, had ruined my perfect catholic upbringing.

"Dear God, have mercy on Emmett's soul." I mumbled, crossing myself.

Then I turned on my laptop, finding that my Dad had already sent me the necessary information for my flight to Seattle. I was going to fly tomorrow afternoon. That should give me enough time to handle everything at work.

A bit later in the morning I called Charlotte to tell her about what had happened back home.

"Sweetie, I'm sorry. God, his wife must be miserable. Didn't you tell me they have two little kids? This is horrible."

"The twins are almost two. Bella is tough. She'll survive this. When her father had a stroke six years ago, it was her who arranged all that was necessary not her mother."

"Is her father dead?"

"No, he's not. But he's still not very fit. Charlie has trouble speaking and the left side of his body is partly paralyzed. He's in a private nursing home now."

"Poor girl this Bella, she got a lot on her plate to deal with." Charlotte sympathized.

"I know. Can I tell you something weird? I feel kind of guilty. When Bella told me that Emmett had proposed to her I was furious. I wished that something horrible would happen to him. "

Charlotte breathed loudly into the phone before she spoke up again. "Aly, you couldn't wish anyone serious harm even if he had murdered your pet. It's not your fault that your cousin is dead. And if you ask me and I know you aren't, you had every right to be angry at him. He married the girl you've been in love with."

Sometimes I wished, I hadn't told Charlotte so much. But wine and a broken heart tend to loosen my tongue, especially when I have someone like Charlotte around me.

"Aly, sweetheart, you need to move on, like seriously move on, I say. Maybe you had your chance with this Bella chick a long time ago, but you missed it. That's crappy but no reason to stay alone for the rest of your life."

"Charlotte, this is not the time to discuss my relationship status again." I warned her, sitting down on my suitcase in an attempt to close the damn thing. It didn't work. "Crap!"

"Hey, don't curse. Your momma wouldn't like that."

"'My mother wouldn't like a lot of things about me if she knew about them."

"That's another problem. You need to tell your parents you are gay. Aren't they wondering why you haven't dated anyone in your life?"

"They know I'm shy."

"You're not shy, girl. You are fucking stupid. This the twenty-first century even in America as far as I've heard. They are your parents. They will love you anyway."

"You can't know that."

"I can. If they love you and I got the impression they do care about you a great deal when they came here to visit you last year, they will still love you the same after you came out to them."

With a loud creak the suitcase underneath my backside finally closed and I tied a rubber band around it.

"Charlotte, I'm just scared."

"I know. But you don't have to be. Call me when you need anything, sweetheart and have a safe trip."


	3. Chapter 3

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Thanks for the reviews. It makes me happy to know that some of you are enjoying this story so far. Let's see what's going to happen next. Shall we?

****3****

_The greatest love is a mother's; then a dog's; then a sweetheart's_

_(Polish Proverb)_

My entire body felt stiff from sitting in the plane for hours. I tried to stretch a bit while I walked through the security control. Inside the airport it was icy. They had turned up the air-condition to its maximum and the ventilators above my head made me shiver. I pulled my sweater out of my carry-on bag and put it on. This was better. My suitcase had survived the trip too and I found a helpful person who had generously offered to carry it for me. He was a tall guy. Well, to me almost anyone seemed tall but he was huge. It's always the biggest boys that had a thing for petite women like me.

"I'm Felix." He had introduced himself. "And you are?"

"Grateful for your kind help, Sir, very grateful." I told him, trying to keep up with his giant steps. "My name is—"

"Aly! Aly, I'm over here!" my brother called from the other side of the hall. Felix handed me a little card with his phone number and asked me to call. I promised I would. He was nice and I didn't want to offend him.

The crowd parted as he walked with steady steps towards me and my helper. I hated the way people reacted to Edward in public. To them he was something like a saint now, thanks to the small white collar around his throat. Too me he was still the same little coward who had slept in our parents' bed until he was eight when a thunderstorm was howling outside.

He hugged me and I could feel that the fabric of his jacket was slightly damp. It was raining outside and I hadn't remembered bringing an umbrella with me.

"Hey, duckling. Did you have a good flight?" he asked, running his hand over my head. "What happened to your hair? It's so short."

"I know. Charlotte talked me into cutting it. Doesn't it look good?"

"Yes. I just need to get used to it. Let's get you home now. Mom is so thrilled you are coming home."

"I'm only staying for a week."

Edward sighed and lifted up my suitcase. "It seems pretty heavy to me for such a short visit. Come on, duckling, let's go home."

I was very silent during our ride back to our parent's place. Edward had his own apartment underneath their roof. He liked being close to them. Family is important to him, perhaps because he's never going to have one of his own.

"Mom is taking Emmett's death pretty badly. She was crying so much on the phone when she told me."

"It is hard for everyone, especially for Bella and the kids. Have you called her?"

"No," I whispered, fumbling with my seatbealt. "You know we don't talk."

"Alice, this is ridiculous. You and Bella used to be like joined at the hip. Whatever it is that this stupid fight is about that has ruined your friendship. Get over it. She just lost her husband. That means she needs everyone to be there for her. Everyone includes you too, Mary Alice."

"You know I hate it when you call me by my full name. Mary is a name for losers."

He chuckled. "You would call the mother of the Lord a loser? Duckling, you are still a child, even if you dress like a fine grown-up lady now. I almost didn't recognize you."

"Really?"

"Would I lie to you?"

"Are priests allowed to lie?"

"I don't think we are." He said, killing the engine after parking the car in front of the big white house where I had spent almost my entire childhood.

"Alice! Oh my baby girl, is finally home again. Thank you, Lord."

My mother wrapped her arms around me and when I felt her tears against my neck I started crying myself. I had missed her. I had missed the way she smelled like the finest French perfumes and homemade chocolate cookies combined. Her hair was full and the same beautiful copper color that my older brother had inherited from her. I kissed her cheeks and sighed.

"I'm glad to be home, Mom. Please, stop crying. If you don't stop I can't stop either."

"Mom, we should get inside. It's cold. Alice is going to get sick in her short outfit."

"It's not short, it's fashionable. With those dwarf legs of mine, it's difficult enough to find something that makes them look nice and long."

We entered the house and the sweetly aroma of freshly baked apple pie filled my nose. My stomach rumpled and suddenly I felt famished.

My mother fussed around me like a hen. She brought a blanket that she put on my shoulders when I told her that I was still freezing, even after she had turned up the heat. Then she made me hot chocolate with little marshmallows in it, just like she had done it when I was a little girl.

"Take another piece of cake, darling. You are awfully skinny. Doesn't she look skinny, Edward?"

My brother sipped on his coffee and shook his head. "Alice looks fine to me, mother. When is Carlisle going to come back?"

"Soon, I think. He's over at Bella's place, trying to talk her into taking something to help her nerves. She's barely eaten a bite since the accident."

"Did they catch him?"

"Whom?" Edward asked me.

"The driver who hit Emmett. I hope the drunken fucker rots in hell."

"It's not our place to judge others." My brother whispered. "And no, the police are still searching. The car was stolen and the driver went for a run before they arrived at the place of accident."

"I see." I mumbled, turning around when I heard the front door opening again. I jumped into my father's arms and sobbed against his shoulder.

"There, there. No need to cry like this, darling. Let me take a look at you. Your hair is different somehow."

"She cut it off, Carlisle." Edward told him. "How is Bella doing?"

"I gave her some sleep medication. Renee has taken the twins for a walk in the park to give Bella a bit rest."

"How long is Renee going to stay?" I asked, while I chewed on a piece of caramelized apple.

"Just until Friday, she told me. She can't take more time off from her job in Florida."

My mother shook her head and sighed. "The poor girl is going to need help for a while longer. Those kids are cute but a handful."

"Alice could stay and help Bella with the kids. " My brother suggested.

I gave him a dirty look. What the hell was he thinking? Why was he doing this? Didn't he know that being around Bella would be pure hell for me? Oh right, he didn't know about that. Edward, like the rest of my family had no idea how deep my feelings for my former best friend lay. It was a secret that I kept to myself since the beginning of eighth grade. When I had noticed that it wasn't plain friendship I felt for the girl, living next door, but a deep, passionate love that would never be returned.

After taking a nap myself and a refreshing shower afterwards, my mother wrapped two slices of the delicious apple cake in foil and asked me to bring it over to Bella's place. She and Emmett had bought a house only two streets apart from that of my parent's. It's a nice, cozy suburb here, the perfect place to raise kids.

When I knocked on the door of the house no one answered at first. Then I heard some barking. Did they have a dog? I wasn't exactly on best terms with them since one of them bit me when I was a kid. Fearfully I took a step backwards. That's when the door was pulled open and something russet and big rushed towards me.

"No! Go away! Go away!" I called out while the dog who was almost to my navel rubbed his monstrous head against my side. Surely he would be able to bite of my entire leg at once. What a horrible thought.

"Jake, down!" Bella's light voice commanded and the beast next to me dropped onto the floor. "Good boy. Aren't you?" she lifted her hand to run it over the monster dog's head.

Then her lips curled into something that was probably meant to be smile and greeted me.

"You are still afraid of dogs? Jake is pretty good-hearted. He just wants to love everyone."

"Can he love me without getting close to me?"

She laughed but as soon as the sound left her mouth she covered it with her left hand. A dry sob rocked through her body and a split second later she burst out into tears.

Somehow I managed to get her back inside the house, always eyeballing the dog who rubbed against Bella's left side while I was walking on her right one. Inside I made her sit down on the couch and placed the plate with the cake on the table.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered. "I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything. Everything that is to be said to a woman in my situation has already been said to me. Nothing you could tell me is able to make me feel better. He's dead. He's dead! How can God let something like this happen? Em. J. and Julie. They won't even remember Emmett."

I did like she told me and didn't speak. I just held her close to my chest while she sobbed and cried. I had seen Bella unhappy and I had seen her completely miserable but never had I seen her broken like this. My mother was right. She was in a bad condition.

"You need to clean your nose, gorgeous. Do you have tissues anywhere?"

"Kitchen." Bella whispered, blinking at me through red-rimmed eyes. She was wearing a huge football tricot that was three times her size. It was probably one of Emmett's. My cousin used to play for a couple of years while he was at College.

I went to the kitchen, realizing in horror that the dog was following me.

"Bella, the dog...tell him to stay away from me. I don't want to be friends with him."

"Oh Alice, he's not going to bite you. Don't be afraid. The tissues are in the left side of the cupboards."

I grabbed a package and also pulled out a box of milk to pour Bella a glass. She always loved some milk with her cake and eating a bit wouldn't be the worst thing to do right now for her.

"My mother made me bring you cake. It's apple pie. You like apple pie, don't you?"

"I'm not hungry."

"You don't need to be hungry to eat cake. It's good. She made some caramel frosting on top of it that is to die for."

Bella sniffed and cleaned her nose. Very slowly she dipped the fork into the cake. Then she dropped it again. "I'm sorry. I can't eat anything now, maybe a bit later. Julie will like it. She's got a sweet tooth."

I nodded and wrapped the foil around the cake again. For a while none of us spoke and that gave me an opportunity to take a closer look at her. Her brown hair had some red highlights now that brought out the mahogany shades in her natural hair color. It was a bit shorter now, just passed her shoulders. Her face was still pale and without the slightest hint of make-up. I admired the way her upper lip was full and rosy, probably a bit too full to match her lower lip. How often had I asked myself how it would feel like to touch my mouth against those perfectly imperfect lips?

I knew the answer to this; way too often.

"You look lovely, Alice." Bella told me, drinking the milk I had brought her from the kitchen. "Like a real fashion journalist."

"I'm just an assistant, nothing too impressive."

"Oh, I'm sure it's impressive enough. It kept you from returning any of my emails or phone calls."

I cringed. This was going to get awkward. "I was pretty busy, I guess."

"So am I. I have two toddlers to raise and still found the time to email you. You are not still mad at me for the fight we had after the wedding? Alice, please. What we said was said in anger. I didn't really mean it."

_So, didn't you?_

"No, I'm not angry anymore. That would be silly, wouldn't it? When is Renee going to come back with the kids? I am eager to finally meet them."


	4. Chapter 4

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Thanks for the reviews and alerts. Your feedback and support is everything to me. Check out the beautiful banner my friend Vampgirl made for me. Thanks for having my back, sweetie. I appreciate it.

****4****

_It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do little – do what you can._

_(Sydney Smith)_

I didn't know what to say to Bella. Basically everything I did want to say to her would have to stay unsaid, just like it always had. I noticed how her hands trembled when the phone started ringing. Every five minute or so someone would call her place in order to tell her how sorry they were. This was exhausting her. She was too agitated too make polite small talk with a bunch of people now. After the tenth call, I just ripped the cable out of the wall.

"They all can call later." I told Bella. "How about you take a shower or a nice hot bath to relax a bit? You look like you could need one now."

She twisted one of her curls around her fingertip and shook her head. "What for?"

"To relax and your hair needs a washing too."

"Who cares how my hair looks like anyway? It means shit. Everything means shit. Oh. My. God."

Another sob left her mouth before she started crying again. I held her against my side, stroking gently over the long tresses of reddish brown hair.

"I'm sorry." She croaked. "I always want to stop crying but I just can't. Emmett hates…hated whiny women."

"You're not whiny for crying over your dead husband. I'm sure he would want you to grieve."

"Not like this. Emmett wouldn't want any of this. He wouldn't have wanted Father James to hold one of his annoyingly boring sermons. He wouldn't even want us to sit around and eat dry cake while everyone is staring at me full of pity. Oh fucking hell!"

The door opened. I was an obvious signal for the dog to rush towards it. He barked loudly and the sound sent shivers down my spine. Someone squeaked hysterically, followed by a light giggling noise.

"Isabella, the kids are impossible." Renee complained, as she entered the living room. "I'm so exhausted. I don't know how you can handle them."

"Mom, it's not that bad. They are just lively kids."

The dog, followed by two giggling toddlers with jet-black curls, jogged back into the living room.

"Jay. Jay, sit." The girl whose hair was tied up into little pigtails demanded, pulling on the monster's tail. How could Bella allow the kids near that dog? Dogs were dangerous for little children. Everyone knew that.

"Mary Alice, how nice to see you again," Renee greeted me. "It must have been forever. Doesn't she look like a polished lady, Isabella?"

"Yes, she looks pretty, Mom." Bella murmured, not even bothering to look at me. The boy had climbed on her lap, resting his head against her belly.

"Did you have fun in the park, honey?" she asked him, caressing the short curls on his head with her fingertips. The girl stamped towards Bella. "Up. Julie, up. Mo-m-my!"

Bella sighed and somehow managed to balance both of the kids on her lap. She leaned down and kissed the girl's forehead. "See, Alice, these are my little tyrants. This is Emmett Junior, Em. J. for short and this little lady here is Julie Alison. Julie, say hi to Mommy's friend."

Julie giggled and waved her hand at me. "Hello."

I had never had a thing for kids. Maybe it was the fact that they were Bella's but somehow I instantly loved her children. Both of them had inherited her dark brown eyes. My best friend was a mom now. It had never felt real to me up until this very moment.

"Isabella, why didn't you clean up while we were gone? The house is messy." Renee reproved, pointing to the dirty dishes in the sink.

"I don't think cleaning is that important right now." I snarled at Bella's mother. "And just for the record, Renee, the house is not that messy."

"Defending my lazy daughter like always, aren't you, Mary Alice? I understand the situation is difficult for Isabella, but she can't let herself or the household go like this. People are going to talk."

Bella kissed Em. J on his head and put both twins back on the ground. Then she stood up, her lips pressed into a tight line. I could sense that she was dangerously close to telling her mother off. Renee was a stupid cow. I never liked the way she treated Bella.

In the sweetest tone that I was capable of I turned to Renee and said "Not everyone can be such a perfect housewife like you. Bella is so glad that you agreed on helping her out. It wasn't self-evident after the way you left her deal with everything alone after Charlie's stroke."

Mentioning Charlie was a low blow, I knew that but Renee was pissing me off. I hated the way she couldn't stop criticizing Bella ever.

Now, that it was Renee herself who was getting criticized, her face turned crimson and she quickly tried to cover it by pretending to look for something on the ground.

"I see that you have Alice for help here now. I will go back to my hotel and call Father James for the last details of the funeral service. Good night, Isabella. Mary Alice."

"Say bye to your Nana, twins." Bella asked, her lips turning into the slightest half-sided grin.

"Bye, Nana." Little Julie said cheerfully while her brother waved his chubby hand at Renee before she rushed out of the house.

"Thanks." Bella mouthed and I squeezed her hand for a moment, letting go of it as soon as I felt the metal of her golden wedding band against my palm.

"Do you want me to clean a bit for you while you take your shower?" I suggested, rubbing the spot where her wedding ring had touched my skin as if it had been burned. "I can wash the dishes. It's no big deal."

She nodded her head and walked towards the stairs. "You can watch the kids while you are doing that, right?"

"Sure, why not." I told her, rolling my eyes at the assumption I could possibly not be able to handle two things at the same time. I was the goddamn queen of multi-tasking. Even Mr. Marcus who wasn't very gracious with complimenting my work had been very content with me for this ability.

Five minutes later I was close to a nervous breakdown. How exhausting could two little kids be? I had thought it to be a good idea to give the twins some toy blocks from a box that was standing next to the couch. Then I had turned on the TV, flipping through the channels until some kind of comic was on where they were singing nursery rhymes.

Julie had squeaked and clapped her hands together while little Em. J. instantly turned his attention to the red and blue pieces of wood. I assumed both of them occupied and went to the kitchen to load the dishwasher. I had barely managed to put the first plate inside of it, when a loud cry reached my ears. Turning around on my heels I rushed back, finding Julie sobbing heartrendingly.

"Hey, sweetie, why are you crying?" I asked, lifting her up. She pointed to her head and then towards her brother who had developed a new game that consisted of throwing the toy blocks all over the living room. Maybe he had hit his sister on the head with one of them.

"Does your head hurt, honey? Let me kiss it better. Em. J. stop throwing the toy blocks around." I told him, taking the one he was just about to throw away from him. The result was that now he started bawling too.

I sat down on the couch and tried success less to calm down both twins or at least one of them. Julie stopped crying after I had blown a bit over the place on her head where her brother had hit her. But as soon as she realized stopping to cry would mean that Em. J. instead of her would get my attention, she started crying again. "Julie, booboo." she sobbed.

When Bella came down the stairs after what seemed like an eternity to me, I felt exhausted. My ears were hurting. Maybe I just sucked at handling kids. I had never even worked as a babysitter when I was younger. That had probably been a good decision.

"Hey there," Bella called out. Her hair was damp now and smelled a bit of coconut. She sat down next to me on the couch and pulled Em.J on her lap where she rocked him back and forth. It didn't take long until he stopped crying and actually fell asleep, snoring calmly in her arms.

"I'll be right back." Bella whispered. "They always get tired after a crying fit. Julie is going to pass out soon too. Can you help me to bring her upstairs?"

I nodded and stood up, realizing that Julie's sobs had subsided. She had her thumb in her mouth, sucking it eagerly. Her eyes were closed, tears glistening in the tiny eyelashes.

The kids' room was painted in a bright mixture of light blue and pink. There was a baby mobile with little ducks circling above their beds. Bella turned on a lamp that tinted the room in warm shades of orange light before she placed a blanket with Disney figures over the twins and tiptoed outside. I followed her. Realizing with unease that she and I were alone again now. It would probably be best if I left, but then I remembered the dishes downstairs.

"I'll finish cleaning up the kitchen. Why don't you blow-dry your hair?" I asked, walking down the squeaking stairs as quietly as possible with my heels.

"If I turn on the blow-dryer the kids will wake up again. Both of them love that noise for some odd reason. Emmett used to run after them with the blow dryer, pretending to chase them. The twins loved that."

As soon as she mentioned my late cousin, her eyes filled with tears again. She sat down on the first stair and wrapped her arms around her knees as if she was trying to hold herself together.

"I'm so sorry. "I whispered, kneeling down next to her. "This is horrible for you. I know you loved him so much."

"Why is God doing this?" she sobbed, rubbing her nose against the back of left hand. "Why is he punishing me like this?"

I cleared my throat and leaned back against the stair-rail behind me. "Maybe you should ask questions like that Edward. He'd know what to say."

"I don't care what he says and I care even less for what Father James says. Keep on praying? What a fucking difference is prattling down the rosary going to make? Emmett is dead. He's dead. Oh dear heaven."

For a while I held her again. The aroma of coconut streaming from her hair was making me feel dizzy when I inhaled it a bit too deeply.

"You smell good." I whispered, knowing that a comment like this was completely ridiculous in a situation like this. "What's the stuff you're using on your hair?"

"Just some hair mask my friend Leah gave me a while ago. She works in a Beauty Spa."

"Sounds great."

"I never cared too much for all this make-up crap." Bella mumbled, standing up again. I followed her into the kitchen. We put the dirty dishes into the dishwasher and started it. Bella fed the dog some yucky looking brownish stuff that the monster munched down within seconds. Afterwards he trotted back to his blanket in the corner of the living room. I couldn't stand that animal. It was scary, stinky and left his hair all over the carpet.

"Thanks for your help." Bella told me, when I had helped her to carry out the trash. "Also with the twins. They are a handful, I know."

"They are cute. Julie looks like you."

"Really? You are the first person to tell me so. Everyone else thinks both kids look like Emmett. They have his hair."

"Yes, but they have your eyes and Julie has your mouth too. She's a little sweetheart. "

"She's not half as sweet as she looks like. Julie likes to provoke her brother and when he hits her she starts crying. You can't leave them alone for just two minutes."

It was cold outside and I shivered, rubbing my hands up and down my arms. Had the weather here always been that shitty?

"Are you cold? I'm sure it was much nicer where you came from."

"Sydney is pretty sunny. You and the kids should come and visit me some time."

Fuck, why did I say that? Think before you speak, Alice. When will you ever learn that?

"The twins are too young for such a long flight, but thank you anyway." Bella said, sadness in her voice. "How long are you going to be in Seattle?"

"A week," I told her. "I only came here for the funeral."

The funeral, I thought, an unpleasant cramping around my heart. The funeral was going to be horrible for Bella and I had no idea however I could help her to get through this terrible day.


	5. Chapter 5

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome to another update, my lovely readers. Big hugs to those of you, who keep reviewing my story. Your support is everything to me.

****5****

_Be kind to your shadow_

_(Rebecca Lawless)_

It felt strange to be home again. Nice, but still strange somehow. My family seemed to be beyond happy to have me back in Seattle for a couple of days. Dad even took off the entire rest of my stay to get to spend some time with me. I couldn't even remember the last time he had six days off in a row. When I was little I used to think that Dad lived in the hospital instead of home with us.

I stuffed another forkful of scrambled eggs in my mouth and made a mental note to myself that I would ask Mom for the recipe. She knew how to make them turn out creamy and delicious instead of dust dry like my own.

"You are getting fat if you keep eating that much." My brother teased me when I added a generous amount of butter on a piece of toast. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Kids, behave. Edward, let your sister eat. The girl can need some extra pounds. She's awfully thin." My mother stated. "I bet she's not eating properly down there in Australia."

"Esme, she looks good and she's always been a bit delicate." Dad said, looking up from his newspaper. He placed it next to his empty plate before he reached out for my face to caress my cheek. "Good to have you back home again, duckling."

My heart warmed and I could already feel my eyes beginning to water with tears. I had missed my family more than I had allowed myself to admit.

"Now," Dad muttered while he sipped on his third cup of black coffee. "Have you found yourself a nice young man we should know about?"

He asked that question with a sheepish grin on his face but I instantly cringed. How much I hated it when my parents wanted to know anything about my love life.

_You need to tell them you are gay._

Charlotte's voice echoed in my head. No, I thought. There was no way I was going to tell them I was a lesbian. My parents were strictly Catholic and I was sure they wouldn't like it that their daughter had decided to live a lifestyle the church sure as hell didn't approve of.

"Aly?" Mom asked. "Are you well?"

"Yes, yes, sure, Mom, I was just in thoughts. Oh and Dad, I don't have time for a boyfriend, I'm too busy with my job."

He shook his head. "You work too hard, honey. You're young. Go out and have some fun."

"Hmm," I mumbled, taking a bite from my toast. In order to change the subject of our conversation away from my non-existing boyfriend, I decided to ask my brother something about the funeral tomorrow.

"Bella said that Emmett wouldn't have wanted this…what was his name….Father James or something like that…to hold the funeral service. Why can't you do it instead of him?"

"It wouldn't make a difference." Edward stated, wiping his mouth on a napkin. Then he stood up from his chair and leaned down to kiss Mom on her cheek.

"I have to leave now. Confession day. Wish me luck that Miss Denali ends up with James today instead of me."

Tanya Denali was a stupid bitch, two years ahead of me in school, who got turned on by the thought of lusting after a priest. That woman probably watched The Thorn Birds a bit too often.

After Edward left we finished our breakfast. I helped Mom to do the dishes while my father went to the airport to pick up some other relatives of us who had flown in for the funeral as well. Technically Carlisle is our stepfather, but I don't have any memories about my birth father. He died when I was two. I realized that was the same age Bella's twins were now. Would she remarry another man like Mom had done it?

The thought made me feel awkward. There it was again. The painful pinch of jealousy that I couldn't overcome.

I felt terribly tired and when I yawned with my mouth wide open, Mom sent me upstairs to take a nap. The time difference was killing me.

In my old room, I snuggled against my pillow and shifted around on the bed, trying to find a comfortable position on the narrow mattress. Twin beds sucked. I was a small girl who needed a lot of space in her sleep to be comfortable. My eyes caught the edge of the craving at the bottom of the wooden headboard. I pulled down the edge of the mattress.

Aly & Bella forever

We had carved this childish promise of friendship with a pocket knife. Aly and Bella forever seemed to be so easily back then. Back then, before my feelings for my best friend went out of control.

I closed my eyes and tried to focus on my breathing in order to fall asleep. Meeting Bella again had stirred up all the old emotions that I had been trying to suppress so very hard during the last three years.

You can't love her. I reminded myself. You need to let go and move on, just like Charlotte told you to do.

Was I still I love with Bella? Hell, yes of course. I loved her. I would never feel for another woman how I felt for her. She was perfect for me. Well, perfect in a fantasy that I had been building up in my head since I was fourteen years old.

At least I wouldn't be here for long. Several thousand miles were barely enough distance for my wounded heart.

xxxx

In my head, I spoke a silent prayer for my dead cousin. Emmett, I hope you are happy wherever you are now. I promise to take care of Bella for you, I told him. I'll take care of her, I promise. Like he would even want me to take care of his wife—

I had been a bitch to him since the day I found out they were dating each other.

"Ashes to Ashes." The nasal voice of the dirt-blond priest with the ponytail mumbled. It had started to rain a bit and the icy cold that came with it made my teeth chatter.

I was sitting between Dad and Edward while Bella had been placed between her mother in law and Renee. She wasn't crying. Her face was pale, her hair twisted up into a strict knot at the top of her head. Today she wasn't wearing one of Emmett's baggy shirts.

Instead she was dressed in a pair of black trousers and a long cardigan. I noticed that her entire body was way curvier than I had remembered it to be. Maybe she had gained some extra weight during her pregnancy. It didn't matter to me. To me she would always be the most beautiful, most desirable woman in the entire world.

My brother kept his eyes on the plain chestnut coffin while he slowly moved his fingers over the pearls of his silver rosary. Maybe love was a great deal easier, if it was God whom you had set your heart on.

"No! Oh, please, no! No!" Bella suddenly called out. She collapsed on the ground, sobbing loudly while Renee who had been sitting next to her hissed through her teeth. "Isabella, please try to compose yourself, child. The people—"

Edward rose from his seat and I followed him when he gently pulled Bella up again from the damp grass. We went inside a side building of the church where he made her sit down again on a dusty bench.

"Bella, look at me. Everything is going to be alright. You're doing great. I'm proud of you." My brother told her.

"Nothing is going to be alright." Bella stuttered while she pulled out a wrinkled tissue to clean her nose. "I hate that I have to be here today. I want to go home."

"I know. " I told her. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and allowed myself to play with the curls that stuck out of her hair knot. "It's going to be over soon."

"My sister is right about that. Do you want me to get you something to drink? Some warm tea perhaps?"

Bella nodded and he went off, leaving me alone with her.

"I'm sorry this happened to you." I said, sitting down next to her. "You and Emmett were so happy with each other. The perfect couple or how they say." My own heart cracked a bit with every word I spoke. But this was about Bella and not me now. She needed every kind of comfort possible.

"Why is God doing this to me? Oh Alice, this is so horrible. It's like a nightmare but I can't wake up, no matter how hard I try to."

"You'll survive this. Do you remember how it was like when Charlie had that stroke?"

"This is different. Can I tell you something? The last time I saw Emmett we were fighting again. I was pissed at him for going on a ride with his bike instead of staying home with me. Maybe if I—"

"Don't even dare to think that way, Bella." I stated. What if's never got you anywhere. I forced myself to drop my hand from her hair. She trembled a bit. It wasn't because of the cold, I was sure about that.

"When are you flying back to Sydney?" she asked me while she tried to rub a bit of grass from her knees.

"Monday," I said. "Is your mother going to stay in Seattle for a while longer to help you with the kids?"

"I told her to fly back to Jacksonville. She doesn't have the nerves to handle the twins. I don't want to feel judged all the time. Renee is getting on my nerves. It's probably a sin not to get along with your own mother."

"Not exactly," Edward stated, walking in with a tray in his arms. He poured Bella a cup of steaming green tea and handed it to her. "We are supposed to honor our parents. That's what the bible tells us to do. Your mother is a difficult woman though. That's an undeniable fact."

"Yes," Bella whispered. She took a careful sip from her tea and sighed. "I don't know how to do this without Emmett. I don't even have enough time to comb my hair when I'm alone with the twins the entire time."

"No one could raise two little monsters like yours without any help." My brother said, running his hand through his coppery hair. Then he cleared his throat and turned to me. "Alice, you should stay here for a while and help Bella. It would be the best solution."

"No." both of us called out in the same breath. "I can't." I told him. "Why are you suggesting that again?"

"Alice has a job in Australia." Bella said, her brown eyes getting glassy. "Why would she bother with changing diapers when she can do god-knows what kind of incredible stuff at work."

"My job isn't that exciting." I muttered. In my throat I felt a big lump. She was desperate. My best friend whom I loved more than anything in the world needed me. How could I not help her? It was pretty easy to make me feel guilty and in that moment I felt guiltier than I had in a very long time.

"Maybe I could call my boss and ask him if I could take some time off."

"You'd do that?" Bella asked and the hope that swung in her voice turned the maybe in my head into a definitely. It was still four months until my job as a writer for Volturi Fashion Press would start. If Jane would still be willing to give it to me after skipping the months of training under that creeper Mr. Caius for the time until then.

I would call her as soon as possible. My heartbeat sped up at the thought. Don't apologize to her, I told myself. That's for the weak. Jane hated weak people. Right now I needed to be stronger than I ever had before. I needed to put Bella's needs above my own feelings for my best friend. Maybe that would be the key to overcome my pointless love for her.

"I'll try to stay here for a little longer. You need some help and who would be better able to help you with your kids than me?" I said, granting Bella the brightest smile I was capable of. Making her happy again was going to be my main goal for the near future. I knew I could do it. I would do. This wouldn't be any more difficult than being her bridesmaid. For Bella, I was willing to sacrifice basically everything.


	6. Chapter 6

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Hugs to my lovely readers, who like this story idea as much as I do; your support makes me happy. Without you I couldn't do this. I know that reviewing is boring for readers but encouraging feedback is so important to us authors-in-the-making.

FAQ's

Why is Jacob a dog in every of your stories?

Does it bother you? If yes, I'm sorry, but I just have fun portraying him like that. The "dog bowl" scene was one of my favorites in BD2. Dogs are awesome. I love them.

I can't get over Edward being a priest in this fic.

Again, I'm sorry, if I accidentally hurt anyone's religious feelings with my choice. There is a reason why he decided to become a priest. We'll find out more about that later in the story. I'm actually surprised that nobody seems to find it odd that James is a priest as well.

When is the sex coming?

Bella and Alice will definitely do it, I can promise so much. I know people love lemons. I love writing them too but it wouldn't fit into the plot line for this story if I would make them have sex too early.

I'm sorry for the long A/N. Let's see what Bella and Alice are up to. Shall we?

****6****

_For every promise, there is price to pay_

_(Jim Rohn)_

I pulled my shoulders back and took a deep breath before I dialed the number of Jane's office. It was morning now in Sydney and I knew that she preferred to start working rather early.

The phone started ringing, once, twice and a third time. Then she picked up and through the telephone her voice sounded like a purr.

"Hello."

"Good Morning, Jane. It's Alice Cullen. I'm not disturbing you with something important, am I?"

Crap that sounded so completely unprofessional. Quickly I tried to make up for my mistake and added. "I know how precious your time is, I mean. But I need to speak to you about something personal."

She slurped on something, probably her first soy latte that the poor person who was hired as Jane's personal slave had bought for her.

"Something personal? Is this about your week off? Don't make a fuss about it. Marcus told me your cousin has died and you needed to fly to the States to attend the funeral."

"Yes, that's right." I told her while I tried to find a comfortable position on the edge of the table. My father's office was my favorite room inside the house. It was crowded with countless magazines and medical books. As a kid, I had loved to play hide and seek here with Bella and my brother.

"Is there anything else, Alice? I need to prepare for a meeting with the morons from tax fraud investigation."

"Oh, I see." I mumbled. "Look, Jane. It would be good if I could stay here in Seattle for a while longer, like a few months longer."

"Is this a joke? What about your job for Mr. Caius?"

"I know. I'm really grateful for the incredible chance you've decided to give to me, but…,"

"Alice, can you keep it a bit shorter? I don't like people beating around the bush. Why do you need the time off?"

"It's about my family." I explained. "My cousin's wife, she needs some help with dealing with everything."

"I see. Family is important. No one knows this better than myself. Your job and the future in this company though should be a bit more important to you."

"Yes, Jane, of course, I understand. If it's not possible, I'm sure we'll figure out another solution for Bella and the twins."

I waited for Jane to respond something. It was already clear to me that she would now ask me to fly back to Sydney or go fuck myself. Maybe she wouldn't exactly use the word fuck. Jane would probably come up with something a bit more sophisticated.

"Twins?" she asked, curiosity swinging in her voice. "They have twins? How old?"

"They'll be two years this June. Look, Jane, I understand it's too much what I've been asking. I don't—,"

"You talk too much and too fast. Take a breath and give me some time to think."

For a few, terribly endless minutes she was still, only the slurping noise reached my ears every few seconds. Then she was back on the line again.

"Good, Alice. I understand how much work two-year-old twins might be. My brother and I were a handful, when we were little."

Jane was a twin too? There was a male version of the blonde fashion witch running around somewhere? The thought made the edge of my mouth twitch into an almost smile.

"My parents had two Nannies and our grandmother to help her handle us." Jane continued while she slurped on her drink. "Mom was still exhausted pretty much all the time."

"Does this mean, yes?" I asked hesitantly.

"It means, I understand. You can get the time off, but I expect you to be prepared and perfectly capable of handling that writer's job I've decided to give to you."

"Yes, Jane. I promise to work on my skills. God, I'm forever in your debt for this. Thank you. Thank you so much."

"No need to thank me. I will fix everything with our personnel office. They'll email you some stuff you need to sign. Good bye, Alice and good luck with the twins."

"Good bye," I croaked, but she had already disconnected the call.

Relief spread through me. For a glorious ten seconds or something close to that, I was happy. Then I remembered that I was going to spend the next months to come basically around Bella twenty-four-seven. It was going to be like the sweetest heaven and the worst hell combined all into one. My heart skipped a beat. My palms became sweaty. The urge to nibble my cuticles, made me all agitated.

I dialed the number of Charlotte's place, hoping for her to be still home. After a few moments the machine picked up.

"You've reached Charlotte and Peter. We're just having sex and can't answer your call…haha…just kidding. Leave a message after the beep if you want to. Thank you."

"Hey," I whispered. "It's me, Alice. You have the weirdest message text on your machine. What if your mother-in-law calls you? Well, Maria probably would laugh. Anyway, I called you to let you know I'm going to stay in Seattle. You can call me, when you hear this message. I love you. Bye."

I put down the receiver and walked outside, almost bumping into my father on the corridor.

"Careful, young lady," he muttered. "Old men like me are breakable."

"You're not that old, Dad." I told him with a smile. "I just called my boss. She's giving me the time off. Isn't that great?"

"For real? That's good to hear, honey. Your mother will be thrilled when we tell her."

"Where is Mom now?"

"At Bella's place. Esme is helping her with the whole paper's work. Do you want to go there too or do you want to help your not-so-old father to find something classy to wear to the Board's meeting tonight?"

I nodded and followed him into my parent's bedroom. On the bed he had already thrown out several shirts and ties. A yellow one caught my eyes. It had a comic picture on it. Dear Christ. This man really needed some help.

"The light blue shirt will look good with your eyes." I stated, holding it up.

"What tie, the green one with the paisley pattern? I like that one."

Is my father colorblind and doesn't know about it? Green and blue together? Yuck. I quickly selected a beautiful pink silk tie and threw it over Dad's shoulders.

"Now, you're going to be perfect." I said, standing up on my toes to plant a kiss on his cheek. "I'll go over to Bella's now. Maybe I can help with the kids."

"I knew you'd like them. They are cute children. You were cute too. I don't like that you've grown up so fast."

"Dad," I said with embarrassment. "That's normal."

"I know. But you growing up means I'm getting old." He chuckled, running his hand through my hair.

"Don't touch it." I warned him. "You're going to make it messy."

"It's supposed to be not messy now?"

I rolled my eyes and rushed down the stairs. In the mirror next to the door I checked my reflection. What are you doing? It doesn't matter a thing to Bella how you look like. With that thought on my mind, I walked over to Bella's house. The skin of my arms, pimpled into goosebumps, when the icy wind hit it. Within two minutes, I found myself in front of Bella's house. The goddamn dog was lying on the stairs, when he saw me he started barking loudly. His tail moved back and forth so fast I wondered if it might fall off from it.

Taking up all the courage I had, I managed to make it to the bell. Jake whined. Go away, I thought. If any of your ugly red fur ends up on my designer jeans, it'll be death for you.

"Alice," Bella greeted me. "Jake, sit. Sit! Good boy."

"Come inside. No, that doesn't go for you. You'll stay outside until the floor in the kitchen has dried again."

When I followed her back inside, my eyes lingered a few seconds too long on her backside. What a nice backside. Bella had always thought her butt to be too round but I found it pretty enough that I wanted to kiss it. God, I was fucking pathetic.

"Hi, darling." My Mom waved her hand at me. "Did you come to help us?"

"Yes. Oh and Mom. I managed to talk my boss into giving me the time off."

"Alice, that's great." Bella stated. "But I feel guilty now. You shouldn't have done that for me."

"Nonsense," Mom and I said simultaneously. "We are family. Families are supposed to stick together." My mother stated.

I nodded in agreement. It still felt weird to me that I was related to Bella now. We had been closer than sisters while we were growing up. Everything had gotten so complicated after she and Emmett had hooked up.

Little Julie tugged on the hem of my shirt. "Julie, up!" she demanded and I bend down to lift her up.

"Hey, little sweetie." I greeted her, while I tried to balance the girl on my right hip. She was heavier than she looked.

"Put her down." Bella told me. "Em. J. is going to get jealous and we don't need them to throw a tantrum before bathing time."

I placed Julie on the ground again and tugged her right pigtail into place.

"Esme, this is hopeless. I'll never manage to get all the necessary papers together for this stupid credit stuff. Thank you for your help anyway." Bella sighed.

"You're welcome. I have to get ready for my yoga class now. Alice, you can help, Bella with bathing the twins, can't you?"

When I found myself, splashed all over half an hour later, I was exhausted. When you saw kids getting a bath on TV, they always played happily with their rubber duckies or something like that. Bella's twins though had started screaming when they got some soap into their eyes. Why did the fuckers who sold baby shampoo dare to write _no tears_ on their bottles? It was beyond me.

I tried to pull down my shirt that was damp and wrinkled.

"You're soaked." Bella said. "I should have warned you. The kids hate bathing. I usually left that job to Emmett to tell the truth."

"I can understand that. Look, I can run over to my folk's place and get another shirt. Then I can try to help you with whatever you need me to."

"Not necessary. You can borrow one of my before the pregnancy shirts. They'll still be big on you though."

I followed her into her bedroom; being inside this room felt strange to me somehow. I tried not to look at the wide, metal framed bed where she slept at night, where she had slept with her husband. My stomach churned.

"This one looks okay. It's purple. You still do like purple, right?"

"What?"

"The shirt." Bella said, waving with the plain plume colored shirt in front of my face. "It's not Haute Couture, I know."

"Silly," I mumbled. "Thanks for the shirt. I'll change in the bathroom."

"Still a bit shy, aren't you?" she chuckled. "You can put it on here. We're both women."

Yes, we are, I yelled in my head. We are both women and I'm in love with you. If you only knew…Then you surely wouldn't ask me to change my shirt in front of you. You'd probably wouldn't want to have anything to do with me if you knew. Oh, Bella…

It was fucking hopeless. With a sigh, I turned around to pull my wet shirt over my head and quickly put Bella's on again. The cotton fabric smelled faintly of her when I lifted the sleeve to my nose. I wanted to overdose myself with her scent, as that could be one of the puzzle pieces that would help me to overcome my feelings for her.


	7. Chapter 7

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back, my darling readers. I'm happy some of you enjoy reading the story. It's a fun project for me to work on. Thanks for your support.

FAQ's

How's Emmett related to the Cullens?

Emmett's mother Siobhan and Esme are sisters.

Will Rosalie make an appearance?

Yes, Rose is in this fic too. She's going to show up in a couple of chapters.

****7****

_As soon as forever is through, I'll be over you_

_(Toto)_

It was nice to be home again in Seattle. In a way it was a bit like suddenly being a child again. Both of my parents fussed around me and especially Mom was starting to get almost a bit too clingy. She suggested that I could move into the guestroom underneath the roof because it was bigger than my old room in the house. They had stored all kind of crap inside of it and I needed a bit more space for my clothes.

"Or you could just move in with Bella." My mother suggested, looking up from a folder in her lap. We had gone over to my best friend's place after breakfast to help her with the kids and paper stuff. I didn't have the patience to deal with filling out these bureaucratic forms. Instead I was watching fascinated how Bella managed to feed both twins at the same time.

"Cheese," Julie demanded, throwing her feeding cup from the table. "Cheese!"

Bella sighed and handed the girl a little cube of yellow Cheddar. Instead of stuffing it in her own mouth, Julie lowered her hand. Within a flash the dog was next to her high chair.

I felt like fainting when I saw her tiny fist coming close to the monster's snout.

"Don't give Jake, cheese." Bella told her. "It's cheese for Julie."

"Jake, cheese." Julie chuckled. Her brother started whining in his own seat. A moment later he burst out into a loud tantrum.

"Em. J., cheese." His sister said and as soon as Bella placed another cube of cheese in her son's hand he got still again. Like his sister before him he didn't eat any of the cheese himself. The dog swallowed it with thick strings of slobber running down his snout. It was so gross that my stomach heaved.

"The dog is gross." I told Bella, wiping my fingers on a napkin. "Why did you get such a huge one?"

"Are you still scared of him?" she asked back, instead of answering my question. "He's not going to bite you. "

"Alice has always been scared of dogs." Mom stated. "Jake is the biggest dog I've ever seen."

"Big dogs have big hearts." Bella said. "That's what Emmett told me when he came home with him one night. Jake was supposed to be a present for me."

"Nice present." I mumbled. I would have gotten you flowers or some jewelry. A dog? They were smelly and messy and a bunch of other nasty things.

"Your mother is right."

"About what? That I'm scared of dogs?"

"Not that, but the part she said about you moving in here with me. Our guestroom is bigger than that in your parents' house."

I swallowed a mouthful of salvia. Staying under one roof with Bella? How was I going to survive that?

Both, her and Mom looked at me expectantly and I didn't know what kind of excuse to use for not staying at Bella's place. I would be here every day anyway to help her with the twins.

"It would be the best solution, I guess."

Inside my head I cursed myself. I was an awful person. Bella had just lost her husband and the only thing I could worry about was how spending time around her would affect my own emotions.

"Great, darling." Mom stated. "Edward can bring your suitcase and all your other stuff here later."

"Yes, Mom." I whispered, standing up from the table. Silently I rinsed my plate under the faucet before I started putting all the dishes from the table into the dishwasher.

"I'll help you do some laundry." I told Bella, desperate for a way to get away from her for a while. "Mom, I see you later."

With that, I grabbed a few stained dishtowels and walked downstairs to the basement. After I turned on the radio in the laundry room, I sorted the clothes by colors.

The kids actually had some cute stuff to wear. Bella loved to dress them up as a little couple. My fingertips moved over a little panda bear print on a purple dress. The next time I went shopping, I would remember to buy something nice for them as well.

As for Bella's own clothes, they were horrible. My best friend never had been a Fashionista but now her entire wardrobe seemed to consist of baggy shirts and Mom Jeans. I mean, seriously, Mom Jeans? Those ugly things would turn the nicest figure into a muffin topped disaster.

I stuffed the clothes into the washing machine and turned on the machine.

"Hey," Bella said when I walked up to the living room again. The kids were playing on the floor with some plastic tower that played a melody when you put your hand against the colorful buttons. "You rushed off so quickly. Is everything okay?"

"Yes, sure, I'm fine. Why are you asking?"

She made a fish face and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. It's just a feeling. Do you want to go to the park with me later? The kids get more tired when they spend time outside."

"Why not?" I said. "We can go after lunch."

I noticed a photo album on the table and sat down next to Bella to take a closer look at it.

"I found this while I was looking for some of documents." Bella said. She placed the photo album on my lap and flipped it open. "Isn't that amazing?"

The entire thing was filled with pictures of me and her. Before his stroke Bella's father Charlie had loved to take pictures as often as possible.

There we were; two six-year-olds in front a pink birthday cake. I and Bella sunbathing in red-dotted bikinis with ribbons or even one with us dressed out in long white silk dresses for our First Communion. Somehow we looked a bit like two little brides next to each other.

The thought was probably blasphemic and I quickly tried to shove it aside.

"Those are cute, aren't they?"

"Yes, they are. I can't believe you kept this old stuff for such a long time."

"Why would I throw them away? Those are memories and some of my favorite ones on top of it."

Her lips curled up into a smile before they sank into a slight frown. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

She nodded her head and put the photo album back on the table. "But you wouldn't have come here if this…if Emmett hadn't... You are just here because he died."

"Yes," I whispered. "Probably, but I would have home for Christmas this year anyway." Mom and Dad had insisted on this and as December was still half a year away I hadn't bothered with coming up with an excuse yet.

"You know I always spend Christmas in Florida with Renee. The only time you consider coming home and you choose an opportunity where I'm not in Seattle. It's just fucking great."

"It's Christmas."

"Yeah, whatever, it doesn't matter anyway." She said quickly. "Someone from the bank is going to come here in the afternoon. If they make me sell the house, I don't know what to do."

"Didn't you and Emmett have a credit? They can't just cancel that."

"Oh Alice, they can and they probably will. I need to start working again soon to make some money but how am I supposed to do that with the kids? They need me."

"A lot of mothers work and the kids manage to survive that pretty good in most of the cases. Why don't you try to get a place for them in a daycare center?"

She nodded and kneeled down next to the kids on the ground. Julie had just taken a red plastic car from her brother who was trying to get it back by kicking her against her arm with his tiny fists.

"Ouch! Mom-my!"

"Little monsters. Julie, give Em. J.'s car back."

The girl frowned and threw the car against the living room table. "Julie, car!"

"Julie Alison, I warn you." Bella mumbled.

I lifted Em. J. up on the couch and rocked him up and down on my knee until he squeaked.

"Julie, up. Julie, up."

"Your sister is pretty persistent, Em. J." I told him. "Tell her it's your turn now."

xxxx

The day went by quickly. It was amazing how two little kids could keep two adults running around the entire day. Bella had called several kindergarten and day care centers but it seemed to be difficult to find a place that was willing to take both kids.

My brother came and brought my suitcase. He too was happy that I was going to stay in Seattle now. That's what he told me when he placed the heavy suitcase on the bed in Bella's guestroom.

"Are the two of you getting along?" Edward asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Why are you asking?"

"I'm asking, because you and Bella haven't spoken one word to each other since her wedding."

"That's none your business." I snarled. I opened my suitcase and started putting my dresses into the closet. Most of them were too summery for the shitty weather. Maybe I could wear them with a nice cardigan on top of it? That would make for an interesting article. How to—winterproof your summer wardrobe. I made a mental note to do some research on that.

Edward handed me a pile of tops. "I know that it's not my business. But unlike you, I've been here these past three years. Bella was unhappy that you didn't speak to her."

She was unhappy? I was the one who was fucking miserable. In the first time after my sudden move to Australia I felt like crawling under a rock and die.

"I had my reasons for not speaking to her." I stated, crossing my arms in front of my chest like a sullen child. "But it doesn't matter right now."

"If you say so, Alice, it's probably true."

"Don't you have anything else to do? Speak some prayers or prepare your next sermon for example?"

He smirked, the right side of his mouth turning into a crooked grin. "My next sermon is already written. It's going to be about the lost son."

Was this supposed to be a reference to me? I was glad there wasn't any lost sister in the bible as far as I remembered.

Edward left and for a few minutes I sat still on the bed, caressing the new duvet cover Bella had brought me earlier. She had decided to take a little nap with the twins. Julie and Em.J. had both snuggled close to her while she had read them from a fairytale book. It was so adorable. Bella was great with the kids.

I tiptoed along the corridor, shrugging back when I heard a low whimper coming from the bathroom. Some suppressed sobs reached my ear through the closed door when I pressed it against the wood.

"Bella?" I asked, knocking against the door. "Are you okay in there?"

She didn't answer but after a few endless seconds the handle of the door moved down to open the door.

"I can't do this." she cried. "I can't do this all by myself."

"It's okay." I told her, pulling her into a tight hug. My shoe got caught in the carpet and we lost our balance, barely managing to get it back before she landed on the floor.

"Sit down on the stairs before we get hurt." I stated. "Why were you crying in the bathroom?"

"Because I didn't want the kids to see it," she whispered, wiping her face at the sleeve of her shirt. "It would scare them."

"You are being so brave. Your situation is difficult and you're doing so great. Em would be proud of you."

She shrugged her shoulders. "He and I were fighting so much in the last time. Now, all of it seems so silly to me."

I dropped my arm from her shoulder and stuffed my hands into the pockets of my jeans. She loved him. She had loved Emmett in a way that I had wished for her to love me back since my freshman year of Highschool. It wasn't going to happen. Not back then and not in the next thousand years. All I could do was trying my best to be the friend she needed right now, before I would return to my new life on the other side of the world.


	8. Chapter 8

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome to a new chapter. Thanks for the lovely reviews. I love them, especially the long ones. I'm happy that you like how I'm writing this story and enjoy reading it. Your support is everything to me.

FAQ's

Where is Vicky?

Maybe she's a nun in this fic – no, just kidding. Vicky will show up later in the storyline.

What part is Rosalie going to play?

I'm afraid, you have to be a bit patient to find out. But Rosie is an important character in this story. We'll meet her in chapter 11.

****8****

_The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams_

_(Eleanor Roosevelt)_

During the next days that followed, Bella and I developed some kind of routine between changing diapers, keeping the twins from accidentally killing each other and keeping her house somewhat spotless. I had vowed to myself that I would try to ignore my feelings for her. It got easier when I threw myself into housework as much as possible for distraction. I cleaned the windows, scrubbed the floors and even attempted to get the dust and hairs out of the dog's pillow. The last of these projects ended with the mutt slobbering all over my skirt. If this was his way of thanking me, I'd gladly lived without it.

I noticed that Bella had changed during the last three years since I had seen her last. Gone was the still slightly naïve girl who had stuck her nose into a thick book almost permanently. There was a fine layer of dust on the books in the chestnut shelf in her living room. It looked like she hadn't touched one of her beloved novels in months.

When I cleaned the book shelf a pile of diet books fell down to the ground and I caught some of the titles.

Thin Again

The Atkins Diet

Volumetrics

Jeez, the half of the books she had stuffed into the already overcrowded shelf were diet guidebooks. Since when was she interesting in that kind of stuff? Bella had never been even close to being superficial.

This girl had managed to make it through her entire high school and College years without owning more make-up than mascara and strawberry chap sticks. I remembered with embarrassment how I always used to buy the same chapstick and hold it under my nose, pretending that it was how Bella's lips would smell like right before we'd kiss.

Bella's self-esteem had been pretty strong but now she chickened out when the bank counselor showed up eventually, after cancelling the appointment two times beforehand. He informed her that the bank was willing to abandon the rates for the house temporarily. Then he made it clear that this wasn't going to be a solution forever. The jerk, with a slimy grin upon his face, had waved with a sheet of paper in front of Bella's nose.

He wanted her to either agree to much worse credit conditions or allow the bank to find a buyer for the house. How could one even dare to kick a widow and two little kids out of their home?

I was livid but Bella just sat there and nodded her head while she took the papers from Mr. Laurent's manicured fingers. Which man does get manicures? Not even Jasper is gay enough for shit like that.

xxxx

I was just trying to brush little Julie's curls and tie them up with a pair of red ribbons I had found in the dresser. She squeaked and fidgeted around. Being still for three minutes was a challenge for a toddler. Finally I managed to tie one ribbon into her dark hair. When you held up the curls of Julie's hair against the light there was a reddish shimmer in it. I thought it pretty.

"Are you ready with her?" Bella asked, entering the kid's room. "Oh, you're so pretty, sweetie. Come and give your Momma a kiss."

She lifted Julie up and cradled her against her side. "Are you going to take a nap like your brother?"

Julie shook her head and started kicking her feet against Bella's hip. "Julie, down. Julie, down."

I rolled my eyes when she flipped open a children's book and started nagging on its edges with her tiny front teeth.

"Your daughter seems very hungry for knowledge." I said, trying to save the book by taking it away from Julie. "I bet she got that from her mother."

"Maybe," Bella murmured, placing a plastic doll in Julie's arms that the little one cuddled against her chest. "She's the stronger one of the twins. She was an entire pound heavier than Em. J. when they were born."

"I see. She's also more talkative than the boy. Mom says that boys are usually slower to start speaking."

Bella nodded. "I'm a bit worried about Em.J. not speaking at all though. Carlisle has tried to assure me that at least physically everything is fine with him."

"That's good. Isn't it?"

"Yes, but I'm still worrying. I wanted to set up an appointment with a psychologist but Emmett was against it. He said he wouldn't let some freaky shrink talk to his son. God, we had so many fights about that topic."

I nodded my head and lifted Julie up again to place her in her crib, next to that of her brother. Em. J. slept like he was dead, only the soft sucking of his mouth around the pacifier in it proofing that he was just fast asleep.

"Let's go downstairs." Bella suggested. "Julie is going to fall asleep any minute."

In the living room I popped down on the couch and kicked off my shoes. My feet were hurting although I had worn comfortable flats the entire day. Maybe the pad of my feet was too used to being tortured on high heels now.

I rubbed my toes and sighed deeply.

"Are your feet hurting?"

"No," I lied. "It's nothing."

"You have the smallest feet of an adult person I've ever seen." Bella chuckled, sitting down next to me. I wanted to protest when she placed my sore feet in her lap and started kneading them gently. God, that felt so good.

"Relax. You've been running around the whole day like a rabbit on speed."

"I was just trying to help you."

"You made me feel like I'm the crappiest housewife in America. The house hasn't been so spotless ever since I had the kids."

I shrugged my shoulders. "You are doing great. Don't speak so low of yourself. I don't like that."

"But it's true." She muttered while her fingertips massaged each of my toes. It was nice to getting pampered by her like that. At the same time it felt odd. Physical distance was important to me when I wanted to keep my emotions under control.

Before I had left to Australia it had gotten so worse for me that I couldn't even endure a simple hug from my best friend without feeling like bursting into a crying fit.

"Does it feel good?" Bella asked, rubbing my ankles with the pad of her thumb. "Leah showed me how to do a professional foot massage."

"Then I should probably thank this Leah." I whispered, shifting against the cushions of the couch. "Where did you met her?"

"She was in my prenatal classes. Her daughter Samara was born two weeks after the twins."

"Cute name. I always wonder how parents manage to decide how to name their children."

"I always knew how I was going to name my kids, even before I got pregnant."

She dropped my feet carefully from her lap and wrapped a blanket around my legs. "It's comfy like this, isn't it?"

"Yes, very much, thank you."

Bella turned on the TV, flipping through the channels for a minute or so until she discovered there was absolutely zero on to watch.

Then she pulled out a pile of DVD's and suggested we could watch one of those.

"Devil wears Prada? Can we see that one? I heart it."

"Only because it's about the Fashion Industry." Bella stated. She put the DVD into the recorder and pressed start before she went to the kitchen to get a tray with diet cokes and a bag of Doritos.

It crunched when she stuffed her hand into it. "I shouldn't eat those."

"Why? I know you like them." I said, turning the volume of the TV a bit higher. "Or are you on a diet?"

Back in Australia I had enough modeling friends how were forced to live on celery and pineapples often enough. It didn't seem like a very appealing diet to me.

Bella's reaction to my comment was that she got sullen. I was so focused on the movie for a few minutes that I didn't even realize how quiet she was.

"Hey, you're not mad at me, are you?"

"No." she croaked. "I know that I'm too fat. I was planning on joining this diet club. One of Leah's clients had tremendous success with it."

"You don't need to diet. I think you look great. Well, you could look great if you wouldn't dress like a fifty-year-old."

Her answer to that was a pillow getting smashed against my face. "Alice Cullen, you're so mean. I do not dress like someone twice my age."

"You do and someone should have told you. Mom Jeans? Please, tell me you ordered those online and no one actually saw you leaving a shop with them."

She laughed but a moment later her face turned into a frown. I watched in horror how her eyes got glassy with tears.

"Hey, it's okay. I was just kidding. Those are just clothes. They aren't that important."

"How can I sit here and talk clothes when my husband just died two weeks ago? I'm such a shitty person!"

I pulled her into a soothing hug. In my arms she stopped crying. The steady beat of her heart so close to my own was the sweetest torture I could possibly imagine.

"Do you want to know why I like the movie so much?" I asked Bella. "It's because Miranda reminds me of my boss Jane in Australia."

"Is she evil?"

"Not really. Hard from the outside, soft from the inside, I would say. She gave me the time off so that I could stay here and help you for a while."

"That was very gracious of her."

"It was." I stated, snuggling closer against Bella. It had been years, many years since I had been physically that close to her. Her hair smelled like coconut and I tried to focus on that instead of the feeling of chest against my side. Her breasts had grown about two cup sizes since her pre-pregnant days. The thought made my insides tingle in a dirty, forbidden way.

"I really missed you." Bella whispered tiredly. She was exhausted and barely able to keep her eyes open.

"Yeah, I missed you too." I mumbled, rubbing my fingertips up her right forearm. Bella loved me. She loved me as much as one could be able to love her best friend. It would never be enough for me though. My heart cramped in my chest. If I could only stop having these romantic feelings for her, I thought. If I could only stop desiring her like this, everything could be so perfectly easy between me and her. I wished I could love her the right way. God was supposed to give me the strength to do so, wasn't he?

Bella's head got heavier on my shoulder and when a soft grunt reached my ears I realized that she had fallen asleep in my arms. For a moment I considered waking her up. Sleeping on the couch wasn't the most comfortable thing to do.

I remembered how my back had always hurt in the morning after I had spent a night on Charlotte's couch. I tried to sit up a bit straighter, but Bella only tightened her hold around my upper body, unwilling to let go of her living pillow.

"Fine, I'll stay here with you." I whispered into her ear. Then I pulled the blanket a bit higher on us. The last minutes of the movie flickered over the TV screen. I had missed most of it anyway, so I turned off the TV and decided to call it a night.

"Sweet dreams, Bella." I told her, closing my eyes. It wouldn't take long for me to fall asleep myself. I was sure about that. I was tired from doing stupid housework the entire day. Every muscle in my body felt slightly sore when I moved.

In my dreams Bella's face flickered in front of my eyes. Heart-shaped and pale with her cheeks tinted in a pink blush it looked incredibly beautiful to me. She smiled.

I loved dreaming of her. It was safe. In my dreams she couldn't break my heart. In my dreams, she loved me back.


	9. Chapter 9

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back, my lovely readers. I hope, you're still enjoying my little story here. Thanks for your interest in my work. I cherish your support.

****9****

_Remember, if you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows u-turns._

_(Allison Gappa Bottke)_

The next morning I woke up with Bella's head still resting against my shoulder. She had turned her face upwards to mine. My heartbeat began to race when I realized that her plump lips were just a few inches away from mine. I wanted to kiss her so badly. Oh Bella, I thought. Why are you torturing me like this?

She groaned and blinked tiredly at me. "Morning,"

"Good Morning, sleepyhead." I whispered. "Are you awake?"

I sat up straight and stretched my arms above my head while Bella stood up from the couch.

My back was sore from lying on the couch the entire night. I felt like I hadn't slept at all. This called for a huge coffee to get me halfway going to this day.

"Thanks for being here for me." Bella stated. "I can assume you'd rather be in Australia now, visiting some fashion shows."

I told her no and stretched my legs under the table. Something hard pressed against my backside. It was a dirty tennis ball that the annoying dog instantly caught after when I tossed it into a corner of the living room.

Bella hugged me from behind and sighed deeply. "I'll make some breakfast for us while you take a shower." she suggested.

My entire body stiffened when she leaned over to touch her lips to my cheek. "I'm so glad to have you here with me."

"That's what best friends are there for." I whispered, barely able to speak with my too dry throat.

A few minutes later when the steaming hot water cascaded down my naked body underneath the shower I cried. I cried for my friend whose life had been turned upside down by her husband's tragic accident. Most of all I cried for my own hurt feelings. For the love, that I'd been trying to overcome, since I developed the emotions in the first place as a teenager. I sobbed underneath the shower until I managed to compose myself after a while. Then I squeezed a generous amount of body wash on a loofah sponge and started rubbing it all over my body until my skin was raw.

xxxx

"Bless me, Father for I have sinned." I said in a low voice while I shifted on the uncomfortably hard bench in the Confessional. "My last confession was four years ago."

It felt weird to me to be inside a church again. During the past years my faith had been something of none importance to me. God hadn't done the one thing I've asked him for. Why should I put my trust into him any longer?

The priest behind the wall cleared his throat several times before he spoke up.

"God is gracious in his mercy, my child." he muttered through the separation between us. I had been left with going to confession to Father James because the very thought of telling my brother my secrets seemed too odd to me. There was something about the blond priest that made me feel awkward somehow. I couldn't stand him one tiny bit.

Inside the confessional it smelled like old sweat, dusty curtains and wood polish. It made my nose wrinkle in disgust and I tried to breathe through my mouth instead.

"Tell me what's on your mind, my dear child. Relieve your immortal soul, so that it may be blessed."

He mumbled a prayer while I tried to work up the courage to confess my numerous sins. I started with the harmless ones. I had neglected my family. I had lied to them about not having time to fly back home, without considering their feelings the slightest bit. The clingy way Mom and Dad had reacted after my return to Seattle showed me how much they had actually missed having me around.

"You can always make up for the lost time." Father James stated. "Honor your parents just like the bible tells us to do. You and they should pray together. Praying helps."

With what exactly? I thought bitterly, already regretting that I had decided to come here in the beginning. All of this was nonsense. I had been raised to believe that Confession was a necessary thing to do in our Faith. The thing though was that it couldn't have any effect on your soul if you didn't truly regret your committed sins.

I wanted to regret though. Maybe that could be a start. It could help me, couldn't it? I was so determined to fight my feelings for Bella that I was desperate enough to give everything a try. She was off limits for me and I needed to get that knowledge from my head into my heart.

"Father, I feel so confused right now." I told him, trying to fill the silence in the narrow Confessional. "I don't know what to do. I'm desperate."

"God will give you the strength to see through it. Turn to him for help and the Lord will bless you." He muttered, clearing his throat another time. "Tell me what it is you are so worried about."

"I'm in love with my best friend." There it was. I had spoken the words out loud.

"Does he know?" Father James asked, sounding almost bored. "You could tell him."

"No, Father." I stuttered. "I could never do that. And it's her not him. My best friend is a girl. Christ, Father, I know this is wrong but I just can't help it."

"God, in his incredible graciousness will forgive you, dear child." He cleared his throat again and when he spoke up afterwards his voice had a bit of a husky tone to it. "Tell me everything about it. Do you think about kissing her?"

"Yes, Father, all the time, Father."

"Touching her in a way only a husband is supposed to touch his wife?"

I nodded, my cheeks firing up into the brightest crimson possible.

"Child?"

"Yes, I did do that. Father, I'm so ashamed. I can't stop thinking about her in this way. Why does God make me want her like this?"

"God is kind but the devil is always testing our weak flesh. Have you ever given in to his temptations?"

"Not with her." I admitted shyly.

"There were other women?"

I nodded and whispered yes. The one-night-stands I had had back in Sydney didn't manage to satisfy me emotionally. Sex without love was shallow and not what I really desired. I wanted to be with Bella and nobody else.

Father James asked me a couple of more questions before he spoke me free of my sins. He gave me twenty Oh' Father's and fifty Hail Mary's and with that I was free to go and sin no more or how they say.

My Dad was waiting for me outside the church when I walked out.

"Surprise, duckling." He called out. "I thought I take you shopping with me while Bella is in this baby gymnastic course with the twins. Your mother agreed to go there with her."

"I know." I stated. "Shopping sounds great, Dad. We need to find you something else to wear instead of those grandpa scarfs."

"They are classics. Come on, get in the car. It's already about to rain again."

I stepped inside his Mercedes and put on my seatbelt. "I would like the rain if it wasn't so cold all the time."

"Washington is not the sunniest place on earth." he stated. "As for my grandpa scarfs, Alice…I'd love to have grandkids one day."

"Dad,"

"I'm serious, Alice. There is any hope lost for your brother of course, thanks to the profession he has chosen. But you, you should get married and have kids."

"Dad, I'm only twenty-six. I want to be a Fashion journalist. It's my dream."

"Do Fashion journalists have to live in Celibate?"

"No, of course not," I told him quickly. "I just don't have time to meet anyone nice."

I reached forward and turned the music of the radio station louder. Then I started singing to the country songs playing in it as loud as I could. Even my fake singing was better than any conversation about my lack of dating.

Dad and I arrived at the mall. He was gracious and offered to buy me a cute pair of brown leather boots with wedge heels. I found a matching belt and a beige cashmere cardigan to go with it. Then I helped my father to find a beautiful silk robe for Mom.

While he was standing in line to pay for it, my cell started ringing in my handbag.

Charlotte calling flickered over the screen. I quickly picked up. Glad that she was finally calling me back.

"Hey Charlotte,"

"Aly, are you okay? I'm sorry for taking so long to call back. Peter took me on a Camping trip in the middle of nowhere. I've got sun burn so bad that I look like cooked hummer."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

I gestured for my Dad that I was on the phone and walked outside the shop. There I sat down on a bench and sighed deeply.

"Oh Charlotte, everything is so complicated."

"Sweetie, I'm worried about you."

"That's not necessary."

"Bull shit. Girl, you truly suck at lying. Have your parents talked you into playing the babysitter for Bella now?"

"That was my own idea. Her husband has died. She needs me."

"Aly, sweetie, I understand that she needs help. The question is why it has to be you of all people to do so."

"She's my best friend." I stated as calmly as possible. "I owe her."

"I thought I was your best friend." Charlotte said. "For the record, you don't own anything to anyone."

"Charlotte, look this is complicated."

I put my thumb into my mouth and nibbled on my cuticles until I tasted blood on my tongue. Deep inside me I knew that Charlotte was right. I was only risking to get myself hurt deeper than before by staying here.

"Honey, it's only complicated because you choose it to be that way. Have you even considered to tell your folks no? You are in love with this Bella chick for crying out loud."

"I am not in love with her anymore."

"If you say so, Alice, if you say so."

"You don't believe me?"

She breathed loudly into the receiver. "Sweetie, I believe you don't realize what you are getting yourself into."

"I can do this. You can stop loving someone if you only try hard enough."

"That's the most stupid thing you've said to me since I know you." Charlotte told me. "I'd love to come to Seattle myself to knock some sense into your thick-headed scull."

"Don't do that."

She chuckled. "Don't tell me what to do. I'm only watching out for you because I care."

"Thank you."

"There's another thing, I'm worried about. You really need to tell your parents that you are gay. It's important."

My father walked out of the store and I promised Charlotte to call again as soon as possible before I hang up.

"Who was that?" he asked, placing the shopping bags next to me on the bench.

"Just my friend Charlotte,"

"That was the photographer right?"

I shook my head. "Charlotte is a nurse. It's Jasper who works as a photographer. He made those portrait pictures, I emailed you and Mom for Christmas."

"I see," Dad mumbled. "And this Jasper is a friend of yours as well?"

"Yes, Dad."

"Just a friend?"

Heaven help me. Now, my father thinks that I'm dating Jasper. I mean, Jasper of all people in the world.

"He's just a friend—for now." I pressed out, hoping to end this conversation as quickly as possible. "Maybe it's better to keep things platonic."

Dad sat down next to me and took my hand to squeeze it tightly. "Believe your old father once when he tells you something. A marriage is way easier when you marry a friend. Friendship is a solid ground every relationship should be based on."

I nodded silently. If only my father would know how wrong he was with his theories. Love made friendship complicated. Or maybe it was friendship that made love complicated in the first place.


	10. Chapter 10

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Thanks for your reviews, my lovely readers. It always brightens up my day, when you leave me some nice words.

I've decided that I totally need a wife. I like brunettes who know how to cook. Let me know if you are interested.

Anyway, I hope that you are going to like the new update today. Let's see what the girls are up to. Shall we?

****10****

_Nothing is impossible to a willing heart_

_(John Heywood)_

I tossed around between the sheets on my bed, unable to find sleep. Even the couch last night had seemed a great deal more comfortable. Maybe it was because I had held Bella in my arms last night. My mind, unable to stop, started replaying every tiny detail of how she had felt like so close to me.

Her breasts had pressed against my side. Even through the thick material of Bella's sweater and my own shirt, I could feel their soft fullness. I imagined how it would be like to pull the ugly sweater upwards and expose the beauty of her naked body. I would tug down the cups of her bra and run my fingertips gently over the sides of her breasts first. Then I would tease one of her nipples with the tip of my tongue until it would morph into a tight nub.

My hand moved under my sleep shirt to cup my own breasts gently. I tugged on my sensitive nipples, trying to find the right rhythm.

"Oh Bella," I whispered breathlessly into the darkness. I closed my eyes and imagined that is was her caressing my body instead of my own hands.

I pictured myself on top of her, grinding against her thigh. The thought made me soaking wet within a couple of seconds. My right hand moved over the thin cotton of my panties where I rubbed my fingertips over the damp material. I turned on my stomach and lowered my fingers inside my ruined underwear. The pillow against my face suppressed my soft moans as I rubbed my clit. I wanted to touch Bella like I was touching myself now. I wanted to feel her arousal against my fingers, have the echo of her moans in my ears.

Pushing two fingers deep inside my quivering pussy, I rocked back and forth against it. I was getting closer to my release with every movement of my hips, with every slapping of my palm against my swollen clit. I imagined Bella's tongue between my legs, its velvety warmth flickering over my sex. I cried out against the pillow that was stuffed between my lips as I climaxed with a shudder through my body.

xxxx

When I woke up again in the morning something warm and wet slobbered over my face. The dog's gigantic head was so close now that I felt his yucky breathe against my cheek.

I screamed loud and hysterically while the monster licked me right across my face for a second time. Bella was inside the room within seconds. My screaming must have woken her up.

"Jake, get away from her, you stupid dog." Bella called out, pulling the dog away from me. "What the hell are you doing in here anyway?"

I wiped my face at the corner of my blanket. This was just gross. Did the dog possibly try to eat me up alive?

Bella pulled the animal out of the guestroom and returned a few moments later to sit down on the edge of my bed.

"Are you okay? He didn't scare you too much, did he?"

"I can't stand him." I whined. "He's follows me around everywhere in the house like a stalker."

She chuckled and wrapped her arm around me. "Seems like you've found a male admirer at last, even if it's just a furry one,"

I cringed and stood up from the bed, pulling around on my shirt while I tiptoed around in the room.

Today was the first halfway sunny day in weeks. The calendar on the wall reminded me that tomorrow was going to be the second of June. It had been two months now since I had moved in with Bella after my cousin's death.

Time went by in a flash and it was a mere seven weeks left until I would need to return to Australia again. I wanted to leave again. Being around Bella was getting unbearable for me.

I pulled a dress and some underwear out of the closet while Bella continued to apologize to me for the dog. Why she was so smitten with the mutt was beyond me. Keeping it fed was pricey and money was tight in Bella's house since Emmett had died.

In order to make some money, Bella had decided to take on a part time job in her old job at the museum. Her former boss, Angela who had gone to school with me and her was very willing to give her back the job. From next month on Bella was to work three days a week in the museum, explaining native history to school classes and other visitors. There was only one problem in this arrangement though. The twins still hadn't managed to get a place in a Daycare Center. There were a few who had offered to take one of the twins.

Separating them was not an option for Bella though. Finally it was my aunt, Bella's mother in law who stepped in. She offered to cover the costs for a nanny so that Bella could start working again.

Yesterday Mom had helped Bella contact an agency who hired Nannies. The first job candidates would show up here after the weekend.

"I don't like the thought of having a stranger look after the kids." Bella stated while I searched for a matching scarf to go with my dress.

"We'll find someone nice." I told her. "Mom says the agency has quite high standards."

I went to the small guest bathroom adjusted to the bedroom. Here I splashed some cold water into my face before I stepped into my clothes. My hair got another layer of hairspray before I tugged and pulled around on my curls until they were finally arranged in the perfect disarray.

I had just applied my mascara and was about to pucker my lips in order to put a pinkish lip gloss on. The door that had been ajar was pulled open and little Julie tumbled inside. I had taken her into my heart so much that the thought of leaving her behind in a few weeks was saddening to me.

"Julie, pretty." she insisted, tugging on my dress. "Julie, pretty."

I laughed and sat her down on the closed toilet lid.

"Make a fish face, cutie. Yes, like this." I said, putting a tiny bit of lip gloss on her little mouth.

"Smile," Bella commanded and a split second later the light of a camera blended my eyes.

"That's a cute picture." she stated, holding the display up to me to let me take a look. "Julie loves you so much. You're her heroine."

Bella took a look at my make-up utensils and shook her head. "Why you need all this stuff there, I don't get it. Don't you know that you are pretty without this?"

Any time she made me an innocent compliment like that, the feeling of guilt in the base of my stomach worsened. I was deeper in love with her than ever before. Staying under one roof together had only made everything more complicated. She was so cuddly. Had she always been that way? Bella permanently hugged me. I was getting used to having us hold hands while we walked through the park with the kids. It was so nice and innocent. It wasn't enough. Nothing Bella was ever willing to give to me could ever be close to being enough for me.

My unrequired feelings had a terrible influence on my mood. I got so skittish, it was a shame. I bitched at my parents when they suggested that I could try to find a job in Seattle instead of returning to Australia. I told my brother to go fuck himself when he kept constantly asking me about what was wrong with me. He wouldn't leave me alone though. Maybe that's how big brothers are like.

"Edward wants me to have breakfast with him in that diner place downtown that Tanya and the other Cleary sisters run."

"The Denali's? Why are you calling them Cleary?"

"Just a private joke, nothing more," I said. "I'll see you later. Good bye."

She kissed me on my cheek before I rushed down the stairs. The spot where her lips had touched the skin of my face still felt warm when I parked the car in front of the café about twenty minutes later. I was so fucking pathetic.

My brother was already there, sipping on a cup of black coffee between his hands. Tanya was standing next to his chair, ogling over him like he was something tasty to eat. On the opposite side of his table sat a tall, brunette woman in a horrible orange colored dress. It made her skin look yellow.

"Oh there she is, finally." He called out, the relief audible in his voice. "Tanya, you remember my sister? Alice, you remember Miss Tanya Denali and her sister Irina Laurent?"

Laurent? Laurent? From where did I remember that name?

"It's nice to meet you again, Alice." Tanya stated, granting me a smile. "Your brother loves to talk about you."

Then she turned her attention to Edward again. "Is there anything else I can get you, Father Edward? Our Slovakian apple pie is juicy and mouthwatering. Our mother brought the recipe with her when she moved to the States."

Edward shook his head. "I bet it's delicious but I never cared too much for cake. It doesn't really tempt me. Alice, would you like to try a piece of the pie?"

"Sure. I like apple pie. Can I have a glass of milk to go with it? Thank you, Tanya."

She walked off, wiggling her rounded backside a bit back and worth. Edward didn't even bother to take a look. Poor Miss Denali would be so disappointed to know.

"How are you today? Is your mood any better or are you still pms-ing?"

"Do you think a woman's period is the only reason for her to be in a bad mood?"

He grinned and sipped on his coffee again. Tanya returned with my milk. She placed it in front of me. Then, she leaned forward to allow my brother a gracious view right into her cleavage. Again he didn't look.

When she walked off again he choked a bit on the coffee in his mouth.

"Are you okay?"

"Are you okay, Alice?" Edward asked back, placing his now empty cup of coffee on the saucer. "I'm a bit worried about you."

"It's not because I don't go to church with Mom and Dad anymore, is it? That's my choice."

"I'm not here to discuss the weakness in your Faith with you. God loves you anyway, whether you visit his house or not."

"Do you really believe that?"

"I do. Oh, there comes your cake. Doesn't it look good?"

I mumbled a thank you to Tanya and dipped my fork into the crust of the cake. It turned out that it looked better than it tasted like. Family recipe? The thing reminded me a bit of a cheap convenience blend from a supermarket.

"You don't have to worry about me." I told Edward. "I'm an adult now. There's no need for you to protect me anymore."

He placed his hand on mine and squeezed his fingers around mine. "I will always protect you. Now, can you please tell me what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing,"

"It's forbidden to lie to a priest. I know that something is wrong. You seem tensed the entire time."

"I am not tensed." I stated, hiding my bitten fingernails under the table. "Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"I love you. I want to know what it is that is nagging on you so much. Does it have to do with your job in Sydney?"

"No." I sighed. "It doesn't have anything to do with that." I stuffed another mouthful of the cake between my lips and swallowed it down with a gulp of cold milk. "I've fallen in love with someone. Actually, I have been in love with that person for a very long time."

"That's great. Tell me about him. Where did you meet?"

I hesitated and chewed an entire minute on a tiny piece of apple pie before I managed to bring up the courage to speak again.

"It's a woman."

For a couple of moments Edward was very still and I couldn't endure the accusatory silence. I jumped from my chair, throwing the half-empty glass of milk over.

"Wait." Edward stated, grabbing his hand around my wrist. He made me sit down again and tried to soak up the milk from the table with a few paper napkins.

"You hate me now. I know you must hate me." I stumbled out, while my eyes filled with burning hot tears of desperation. "The Church hates people like me."

"Aly, look at me." My brother whispered "I don't hate you. I could never hate you."

"But our Faith says that…,"

"I know what the bible says, more than you do." He stated calmly before he handed me a napkin to wipe away my tears. "The thing is that I can stop being a priest. I can stop being a Catholic but I can ever stop being your brother. That means, I can never stop loving you."

xxxx

"This is getting hopeless." Bella sighed, taking a sip from the cup of herbal tea in front of her. During the last two days she hadn't had anything to eat apart from carrot sticks and the yucky smelling tea. It was supposed to make her drop three pounds in a week. I was more concerned it was going to make her sick.

My mother who was sitting between me and Bella on the couch petted my friend's knee. "Don't worry, sweetheart. We'll find the perfect Nanny for our two darlings. It's just a matter of patience."

"Mom, we don't have that much time. Bella is supposed to start working soon and I need to fly back to Australia." I told her, using the opportunity to emphasize my upcoming departure another time. I would return to my life in Sydney. Then I would find a nice Australian woman, preferably a blonde or a red-head and start a normal relationship. It was the perfect plan. I knew I could do it.

"Alice, what do you think of this one here? The woman has a lot of experience. Maybe we should call her to come for a second interview."

I took the folder from her and flipped through Heidi Flieder's application papers. The woman looked like a mixture of a German beer waitress and a dominatrix. When she had been here earlier, the grip of her hand had almost managed to crack my fingers. Little Julie had instantly started crying when Heidi had put her on her lap.

"I don't think, you'd be very with her as a Nanny." I stated.

The second Nanny, the pitiless jury consisting of Bella, Mom and myself had interviewed was a careless twenty-year-old named Bree Tanner. She had won the twins heart when she had fed the kids some chocolate that had ended up on the carpet, the children's clothes and the couch. Bree loved kids. That much was obvious. She was just hopelessly unable to cope with the lively twins.

The ring of the doorbell made me stand up from the couch. "Did you arrange another interview for today?" I asked Bella who shook her head.

"Maybe the agency knew that it would be difficult for you to find the right babysitter and sent another candidate." Mom assumed.

I went to open the door, followed by the dog that didn't stop clinging to me no matter how hard I tried to ignore Jake. Well, as good as you can ignore a 140 pound dog.

Pulling the door open in the hope to find Mary Poppins standing behind it, I pressed the door handle down.

Instead of a nerdy British Nanny with an umbrella my eyes caught the perky backside of a statuesque, blonde woman who was just about to walk off the porch again.

"Miss? Please, wait."

She turned around and smiled shyly. Her hair was thick and wavy, cascading down her shoulders in gorgeous honey-blonde curls. The light blue color of her eyes was framed by long, feathery eyelashes. I couldn't remember to have seen such a gorgeous woman ever before. She looked prettier than any of the models I knew.

"I'm sorry." She whispered huskily. "I shouldn't have come here. It was a stupid idea. I don't know what came over me. I'm so sorry."

"Well, the jobs not taken yet. Why don't you come inside and my friend will discuss everything with you."

"The job?" she repeated barely audible. "What job?"

"The nanny job for the McCarty twins, isn't that why you came here?"

"Twins?" she muttered. "He had twins? Oh, my God, it must be so hard for you with the two little kids now. I'm so sorry."

"Oh, they're not mine. I'm just a friend." I told her. "Aren't you too pretty to be a Nanny?"

"Well, I just love kids." she stuttered nervously. "I'm good with them."

God, it was adorable how shy she seemed to be. My sympathy for her instantly vanished though when she lowered her hand to pet the dog's head. "Good boy. What a great dog, you have. I love animals but I never could—"

"Alice is the Nanny candidate with you?" Bella called from the living room.

The blonde dog lover followed me inside. Jake wiggled his tail against her black pants and she didn't seem to mind it in the slightest. She laughed when he licked her hands.

"Hello there." Mom greeted the woman. "It's nice to meet you, Miss?"

"Hale," Blondie introduced herself. "My name is Rosalie Hale."

"Nice to meet you, Miss Hale, I'm Bella McCarty. Why don't you take a seat?" Bella told her. "Do you want something to drink, coffee perhaps?"

"I don't do well with caffeine. Some water would be nice though."

"Alice, can you?"

I nodded, standing up from the edge of the couch I had been sitting on. For the first time since I had moved into Bella's house the dog didn't follow me into the kitchen. Instead he stayed next to Rosalie and drooled a bit over her shoes. The dog had instantly fallen in love with her. In the kitchen, I put a lemon slice into a glass before I filled it with sparkling water and returned to the living room.

Bella seemed to have developed an instant liking in Rosalie too. During the two minutes I was in the kitchen they had already moved on from Miss Hale and Mrs. McCarty to Bella and Rose.

"That must be difficult raising two little kids on your own. I'm so sorry about your husband." Rose stated full of compassion. "You are a very strong woman. I admire you."

"Oh, I'm not that strong. I have lots of help. My friend Alice here has been around me like twenty-four seven. It's a miracle she hasn't run away, screaming."

I frowned and handed Rose her drink. On the back of her hand was a jagged reddish scar. How did she get that?

"Uhm, Rose, can we see your papers?" Mom asked, flipping through the pile of folders on the table. "The agency must have sent them with those of the others, I think." An envelope fell down the floor and Bella managed to catch it.

"Stupid bank crap." She muttered. "I'll never manage to fill this credit application correctly."

"Can I take a look at the application?" Rose asked. "My father used to work in a bank. I could probably fill any credit application blindly."

For the next twenty minutes Rose helped Bella to fill out the necessary information. Now, that Bella was going to have a regular income again, her chances of keeping the credit running were pretty good.

"You're like an angel sent from heaven above." Bella told Rose, hugging her. "Thank you so much. I could kiss you right now."

I could feel the ugly burning of jealousy beginning to boil deep in the pit of my abdomen. I could see Bella and Rose becoming close friends. I would get replaced like a pair of jeans that's comfortable but out of fashion. It would be her, not me who would move on with her life.

"Shouldn't we talk about Rosalie's qualification as a Nanny for the twins?" I snarled, unable to suppress the anger in my voice. "That's what she's came here for."

"Mary Alice, don't be so rude all the time. It's not nice." Mom reproved me. "Miss Hale? Do you have your papers with you?"

"I'm afraid I forgot to bring them with me. You know, I didn't actually plan on coming here today. It was more of a spontaneous idea."

Em. J. tossed his toy car against the wall and when Julie stumbled over to grab it he went after his sister and pulled on her left pigtail. It made her scream out loudly.

"There, there." Rose hummed gently, kneeling down next to the twins on the ground. She pulled Em. J. on her lap, until he stopped fidgeting around, a few minutes later.

"Such a handsome boy and he can't stop teasing his sister. Tell her how sorry you are."

"Em. J. is not very talkative." Bella told Rose, lifting up Julie from the ground. The girl sobbed and wrapped her arms around her mother's neck.

Rosalie stood up from the carpet and rocked Em. J. back and forth on her hip to balance his weight somehow. "Say sorry to your sister. She's crying because of you."

She grabbed his hand and placed it on Julie cheeks, moving it down gently. He stroked her cheek and hummed. "See, that's a good boy again. Now, you've told your sister you are sorry for pulling on her hair."

"You're great with the kids." Bella stated, handing Julie who had stopped crying now on to me. I fixed her hair and planted a kiss on the little girl's head.

"I love children. When the doctors told me I couldn't have one of my own I was devastated. I'd love to have half a dozen kids."

"You've gotten along with my late husband. Emmett wanted us to have a baseball team. Two are enough though. Julie and Em.J. make trouble for two dozen."

"They are adorable kids. There is nothing wrong with kids being a bit lively."

I frowned. "We can talk about that again after you've been running around the little monsters for two hours."

"I'm not actually qualified enough for the job as a nanny. I had some preschool teaching courses at college but that has been years."

"The kids like you." Bella said. "That counts way more to me than any qualification papers."

Rosalie sipped on her water, leaving a pinkish mark on the edge of the glass. Little Em. J. had snuggled up against her impressive chest. It looked like he would drift into sleep any second. I could already tell the boy was going to be a boob lover in the future.

"Do you really consider giving the job to me?" Rose asked. "I mean, I would love to help you but if you'd rather give the job to someone else—"

"Well, we could give it a try. Let's say a test weekend or something like that. Tomorrow night you can watch the twins while Alice and I go out a bit."

I was a bit shocked by the fact that Bella used the words go out and our names combined together. During the last two months she had barely wanted to leave the house at all, if it wasn't for going grocery shopping or taking the twins to some of their baby courses. Obviously it was important for little kids to attend swim, gymnastic and even painting courses to get anywhere in life.

She wanted to go out tomorrow? Stop being so thrilled, I tried to calm myself. It's not like a date. It's not a date, God damn it, I thought bitterly.

Bella and Rose exchanged phone numbers and agreed to Rosalie coming to watch the kids tomorrow evening. My mother would be just a few minutes away should Rose not be able to handle the kids.

I escorted Rosalie and Mom to the front door and told them goodbye. Then I helped Bella to bring up the sleeping twins and tug them in.

"They are so cute when they are sleeping." Bella whispered, running her fingertip over Em. J.'s curly-head. "I love them so much."

When I walked as quietly as possible out of the kids' room, Bella reached for my hand in the darkness.

"I'm so grateful for everything you've done for me and the children." She said. Then she sat down at the top of the stairs and took a deep breathe. "I'm going to miss you so much when you move back to Australia." Her voice sounded like she was close to crying.

"You won't have any time to miss me, now that you've found such a good-looking babysitter to work for you."

"Rose is beautiful, isn't she? But she could never replace my best friend. Alice, I love you so much."

I moved a bit further away from her. It hurt me terribly when she got affectionate like that. With a sigh she rested her head against my lap. Instinctively I started playing with her hair, twisting the long tresses of brown silk around my fingertips.

"I love you too." I whispered softly. "I will always love you."

In that moment it didn't matter to me that to Bella my words wouldn't mean the same that they meant to me. I could still pretend that somehow, deep in the deepest corner of her soul Bella loved me just as much as I did. I lowered my face and touched my lips against her forehead.

When she blinked up at me through her eyelashes I could feel my heart hammering traitorously against my ribs.

"Alice," Bella breathed before she slowly stood up again. "I…we…I think I should go to bed now. I'm tired. Good night, Aly."

She disappeared inside her bedroom and closed the door behind her. I stared after her for a little eternity. As long as I was just pretending, Bella could always walk out on me and close a door between my secret feelings for her and herself. As long as I kept pretending, she could love me back, the cracks in my heart wouldn't start healing.


	11. Chapter 11

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Thanks for your great response to the last update. It's great to receive so much encouraging feedback. I want to hug all of you so hard for being such supportive readers.

You can follow me on twitter ** MyTwiDreams** or on facebook - I'm** Elizabeth Charlotte Cullen** over there. I always love chatting with my readers. Come and say, hi to me.

I'm also thrilled that some of you seem to fit into my dream wife description. I want to fall in love again, but it's difficult to find someone when you're shy like me.

FAQ's

Why is the title Four Hearts?

I can't really answer this question without giving away too much of the plot, so you have to be a bit patient to find out.

*This was a tough chapter for me to write. It made me cry when I was writing it. Maybe the sensitive ones among you should get some tissues before you start reading.

****11****

_It is not love that is blind, but jealousy._

_(Lawrence Durrell)_

This is not a date. This is not a date, I reminded myself for the hundredth time while I tossed another possible outfit carelessly on the ground. My heart was in my mouth.

I told myself that it wouldn't matter the slightest to Bella what I would wear to our non-date. It meant zero to her and way too much to me. I wanted to look pretty for her, even if it wouldn't make any difference in how Bella saw me as a friend and nothing more.

Finally I decided on a pair of black leggings that I mixed up with my brown leather boots and a long crème-colored shirt that left my right shoulder bare, safe for the small stripe of my black bra I was wearing underneath it.

Downstairs, Bella was already waiting for me. She was talking to Rose, who had Julie on her lap. Rose was talking non-stop, asking Bella questions about Emmett while the two of them flipped through a photo album. Maybe I should have done that more often with her too. He was her husband and I could understand that she wanted to talk about him. It was just that my cousin wasn't my favorite topic to talk about. Jealousy was an ugly monster and I was too weak to fight it.

When I cleared my throat, both of them looked up and somehow I suddenly felt like an intruder. It was awkward.

"Well, I'm ready to go then. Bella, can we leave now? They'll give our table to someone else if we're late."

"Sure, of course. I'm good to go, if you are." Bella mumbled, standing up from couch. "Rose, I left you Esme's number and that of my cell in case you need anything. Don't hesitate to call."

Rose nodded her head. "Have fun. We are going to have fun tonight, won't we, cutie?"

She rocked Julie on her knee until the girl squeaked cheerfully.

"Say bye to your Mommy, twins." Rose demanded, lifting Em.J.'s hand up to make him wave goodbye.

Bella grabbed her handbag from the ground and we walked out. I tried not to stare too much at her backside. She was wearing the dark purple wrap dress I had insisted for her to buy during our last trip to the mall. It hugged her curves beautifully. I couldn't stop looking at her.

"Maybe we shouldn't go." she said, when I turned on the engine of her car. "I can't just leave the twins with a stranger. Rose is so nice but I don't really know her."

I sighed and gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter. I really didn't want to ruin my probably only chance to have some kid free time with her. "You and Rose seem like you're already bosom buddies. If you don't want her to watch the twins, I'll call my mother."

She sighed. "No, don't do that. I trust Rose. Well, I think, I do trust her. I try to. Isn't that strange how I feel like I've known her forever although we just meet?"

The familiar bitterness of jealousy floated my heart. I was jealous because Rose and Bella could have the perfect platonic friendship that I was unable to feel for her.

"It's so hard to depend on other people for help to handle your kids." Bella whispered, cuddling a little teddy bear that Julie had forgotten inside the car against her lap. "I feel like I'm a failure as a mother."

"You're not a bad mother. You have to let someone else watch the kids because I highly doubt Angie would be okay with you bringing the twins to the museum. Think of all the precious artifacts they could accidentally damage."

"You are probably right." Bella stated, placing her hand on my forearm. The touch of her fingers against my skin made it tingle a bit. "I'll try to relax."

At least one of us will be able to relax tonight, I thought while we drove through the nightly streets of Seattle. I had booked a table in a cute Italian restaurant. It was going to be a nice change to have dinner without having a toddler to feed beforehand.

We arrived at the Restaurant and walked inside. The entire thing was decorated with countless candles that tinted the place into a warm, romantic light.

This is not a date. I reminded myself once more.

Our waitress, a thin-lipped skinny woman who introduced herself as Lauren guided us to our table. "Would you like to have some wine, ladies?" she asked, while her mouth curled into the widest fake smile possible.

"Wine would be wonderful." I told her. "Do you have some Merlot?"

"Sure, I think so. I just have to check with the kitchen to be sure. Then I'll be right back with the wine for you and your partner."

Lauren walked off and Bella started giggling behind the menu in her hands.

"What's so funny?"

Bella lowered the menu and leaned over to me. "She thinks we are a couple. Isn't that funny? Come on. Let us play dykes for tonight."

"I don't think this is funny." I told her, barely able to keep my voice down. Let's play dykes? Did she really think two women being a couple was a farce or something like that?

Lauren returned to our table and poured some ruby wine into our glasses before she took our order. I didn't feel like eating anything at all. I felt like crying. Fuck my life.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked. "You seem agitated."

"It's nothing."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure." I snarled, taking a big gulp from the wine in front of me. Maybe a bit of alcohol would help to calm my boiling emotions.

"I'm sorry for making you angry." Bella stated. "I just don't get why you are mad at me. Did I do something wrong?"

"No,"

"Alice, please don't be so sullen again. I've been looking forward to this evening for so long." She told me, reaching her hand out for mine. "I want to thank you for everything you've done for me and the twins."

I sighed when her fingertips brushed gently over the back of my hand. I noticed that she wasn't wearing her wedding ring tonight. Maybe she had forgotten to put it back on after her shower.

"Our friendship means a lot to me." Bella continued after a short pause. "You know that, don't you?"

I nodded my head. Our appetizers arrived and I silently chewed on the dried tomatoes and olives that topped my salad. Our friendship was important to me too. It was just that friendship wasn't enough for me. Friendship was bullshit when one of the friends wanted more.

"Alice, why don't you have a boyfriend?"

"What?" I gasped, choking on a piece of salad in my mouth. "Why are you asking me that?"

She wiped her mouth on a napkin and lifted her glass of wine to her lips again.

"I don't mean to offend you. It's just that I'm wondering about why you are still alone." she said. "You are beautiful and warm-hearted. Any guy would be blessed to have you by his side."

"Maybe I don't just want any guy. I want someone special." Someone like you, I added in my head while a smile curled up on my face.

Our food arrived and I watched fascinated how Bella swirled her pasta around her fork before lifting it to her mouth. I envied the creamy cheese sauce when she licked it off her lips with a soft moan.

"Too die for. God, I will never manage to get my weight down again if I keep eating food like this."

I rolled my eyes. "You look great the way you are. It's normal that a woman's body changes after she has kids."

We finished our food and talked about a lot of superficial topics like fashion or how she wanted to allow Mom to re-decorate her bedroom. Bella wanted to have its walls painted purple. What a random coincidence that she had chosen my favorite color for this project.

When we walked outside it had started raining and we rushed as quickly as possible over to the car.

The cold rain water was trickling down the sides of my face and I shivered. I leaned forward to turn on the heat.

"Your makeup got smeared." Bella mumbled. "Let me fix that."

She pulled out a box of tissues from her handbag and started dabbing carefully underneath my eyes. "Done," she whispered. "Now you are perfect again."

"I'm not perfect." I stated. "I'm not even close to being perfect."

"To me you are." Bella said. "My entire life I've admired your beauty and kindness. When you stopped talking to me, after we had that fight after my wedding I was so miserable."

I stared out of the window and watched the rain roll off the window of the car. I didn't want to remember our fight. I didn't want to talk about that morning after her wedding. The wedding where I had been forced to put on a happy smile for everyone around me while inside of me I knew I was close to breaking down. The memory still felt fresh to me, like the wound had never actually managed to heal properly.

xxxx

_My head was throbbing when I opened my eyes. The bright light in the hotel room made me feel nauseous. I jumped from the bed, barely managing to make it to the bathroom. A few minutes later when I was hovering next to the toilet bowl, I felt exhausted. _

_The last night had been the most horrible night in my entire life. Never again, not even if I would pour bleach over my head would I be able to forget the noises. My stomach heaved again, but there was nothing left in it apart from bitter, greenish acid. _

_It was over. Bella, the love of my life was married to my cousin now. I had managed to push the reality of this away from me with so much force that I had actually started to believe it. I wanted to think of them as brother and sister. Bella had even told me herself that Emmett was like the big brother she had always wished for as a little girl. There was nothing brother and sister like in the noises I had been forced to endure hearing last night through the thin walls of the hotel room. _

_Why did they have to give me of all people the room next to the happily newlyweds room? With trembling knees I stood up from the ground and splashed some water in my face. I wanted to be dead. There was no way that I would be able to live with this. The pain was just too much to endure._

_My fingertip grazed over the blade of the razor that I had used yesterday morning to shave my legs. If I killed myself now, I would never have to feel this pain again, I thought. _

_There was a knock at my door that I tried to ignore at first until I heard Bella's voice calling for me._

_She calls and I jump, I thought bitterly, tossing the razor into the trash underneath the sink._

"_Alice? Alice, are you up yet?"_

_I took a deep breath before I opened the door. Bella looked gorgeous. Her hair was an uncombed mess of brown curls and her eyes were a bit swollen. You could see that she didn't get much sleep last night. Well, what woman gets sleep in her wedding night?_

"_Do you have some of this makeup remover stuff with you?" Bella asked me. "I can't get this eyeliner stuff off. It's waterproof."_

"_Why don't you send your husband to the Spa downstairs to get you some?" I snarled, tumbling back inside my room. I was so sad and the fact that she dared to bother me with such an unimportant thing like makeup remover made me furious._

"_Why are you so bitchy to me?"_

"_Because you're always so fucking selfish, Swan…I mean, McCarty. You never think about anyone than you!"_

"_Are you crazy? I don't need you to tell me I'm selfish."_

"_Y0u don't give a shit about other people's feelings." I told her, unable to hold back my anger. I was so mad at her now. She didn't love me. She would never love me and I was a stupid, pathetic excuse of a best friend. Maybe soon she would ask me to buy condoms for her and Emmett? What more could I be forced to endure?_

"_I'm not selfish." Bella stated. "You're selfish because you're acting like a brat right now. Are you in a bad mood because you had too much wine last night? I saw that you had an entire bottle all by yourself but I didn't want to say anything."_

"_Leave me the fuck alone, Bella. I can drink how much I want to. I don't need you to stick your nose into things that aren't any of your business."_

_Bella's brown eyes filled with tears. I hated nothing more than to fight with her. "Aly, please don't be like that now."_

"_Don't tell me what to do." I yelled, throwing the little bottle with the makeup remover towards her. "Here's the fucking makeup remover. Now, get our here and leave me alone!"_

_She kneeled down to pick up the bottle with the makeup remover. "You really need to get your temper under control."_

"_And you need to mind your own business. Fuck off. I hate you!"_

_With that I slammed the door right in front of her face. I collapsed on the ground and pressed my fist against my mouth to suffocate my screams while Bella hammered against the closed door. After a while she gave up and I pulled the blankets down from the bed to wrap it around my trembling body. I knew that I could never endure to see Bella again. I could not endure to see Emmett again, because if I did I would end up killing my own cousin. I needed to get away from Seattle, as far away as possible…_

_xxxxx_

"Alice?" Bella's soft voice brought me back to the presence again. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, unable to bring out words right now. I was too agitated.

"You never told me why you were so angry at me that day? I've been thinking so much about what I could have done wrong to anger you like this."

I frowned and didn't dare to turn my head to her when I spoke up again.

"It was just awkward. I heard you. I heard everything!"

"You heard what? I don't think I understand."

Bella grabbed me by my shoulders and made me turn towards her. "Look at me, Aly! Tell me what you are talking about?"

"God damn it, Bella. I heard you and Emmett fucking. You were so loud that I couldn't blend out the noises and it kept going on the entire night. It was so awkward."

"You sound like you're jealous."

"Jealous? That's ridiculous. I was just embarrassed by it, nothing more."

Bella took both of my hands in hers and squeezed them. I noticed that her palms were warm and sweaty.

"I want to…no, I need to tell you something about my wedding night."

"I don't think I want to hear it." I croaked, my eyelashes fluttering up and down to keep the tears from falling.

"But I need to get it out. I need to tell someone about it and you're the person I trust most in the whole world."

I nodded and exhaled deeply through my mouth with a sigh.

"The noises, those noises you heard through the wall that night that was just some porn movie."

"Porn movie?"

"Yes, a porn movie. Look, this is embarrassing for me. I was really excited for my wedding night but when it was time for things to…well, for things to happen I just couldn't."

"Are you trying to tell me you didn't have sex on your wedding night? Is this a joke?"

Her face turned crimson red. "I really wanted to do it. All the waiting had been so hard for Emmett. I felt like I owed him. But when he was on top of me and got hard, everything felt just wrong somehow."

"So, you decided to watch a porn movie instead? That's weird."

"It was Emmett's idea. We had a fight after I told him that I didn't want to sleep with him. I spent half the night crying in the bathroom all alone."

"Why the porn movie?"

"To keep up the fascade?" she assumed. "What do I know? I was a stupid virgin who ruined the wedding night for her husband."

She sighed deeply and cleared her throat. "I was so embarrassed and when I came to your room the next morning, you were such a bitch to me. Emmett was mad at me. You were mad at me. It was so frustrating. You said I was selfish and I felt that you were right about that."

"I wasn't." I whispered. "I'm very sorry about what I said. I was just…okay, I was just jealous, I guess. Fine, I admit it, I was mad because I was jealous."

"I knew you were jealous. Emmett said that you were acting like that because you were jealous of us. I just didn't understand why."

I cupped the left side of her face in the palm of my hand and pulled her face closer to mine. My heart thundered so fast that it was making me dizzy. Maybe I was going to faint now. I couldn't believe I was actually going to do this now.

"I was jealous because I wanted to be in Emmett's place. I love you."

"I love you too."

"No, you don't understand me." I whispered. There it was. The point of no return had finally come and I didn't have the strength within me to keep it from happening.

As carefully as I could, I pressed my lips against Bella's. Her mouth was soft. It was even softer than I had imagined it to feel like in my dreams. She whimpered and I couldn't resist deepening the kiss by moving my tongue between her moist lips and massage the inside of her mouth.

So, this was it. I was actually kissing Bella. I felt tears streaming down my face because it was so overwhelming. I kissed her greedily, my teeth and tongue nipping and exploring her lips and mouth. She tasted like wine and coffee. I couldn't get enough of her. I didn't want to break the contact of our mouths. Doing that would mean that Bella would get the chance to start thinking again. She was going to tell me that she liked me, but that she wasn't that way. Hell, like I didn't know myself that she wasn't that way.

I folded my hands in her neck and pulled her even closer to me. I kissed her again and again, barely given us enough time to catch our breaths between kisses.

Like a woman sentenced to death I was determined to enjoy every second of this before the end would come. For the end was going to come soon, I was sure about it.


	12. Chapter 12

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Wow, just, wow, I'm totally blown away by the great response I've received for the last chapter. You guys rock my little writer's heart so much. Thank you for making me feel special & loved.

FAQ's

What kind of breed is Jake?

He's a Leonberger. You can google them. They are awesome dogs and really huge.

What's up with Rosalie? Was she Emmett's lover?

Next question, please! No, just kidding. You'll just have to keep on reading the story to find out about that.

Did Bella love Emmett at all?

Yes, she did, does, point. But love is a complicated thing, marriage probably even more. The twins didn't just fall down from heaven.

I'm going to write a chapter from Bella's POV. That should be able to explain a bit better what's going on in her head.

Would you like to read it? Let me know.

*Reasons why I don't have a wife – I spend my Friday nights writing fanfics for you instead of going out. It's kind of sad somehow. I just want to find someone who can handle a nerd like me. Nerds deserve love too.

Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy the update. This one is long because I didn't want to leave you hanging on another mean cliffy.

This chapter is dedicated to **Key** for being reviewer number 100th. Thanks for reading my story.

****12****

_A friend can tell you things you don't want to tell yourself_

_(Frances Ward Weller)_

I woke up and for several minutes I had to think hard about whether last night had been just a dream. The taste of her mouth was still on my lips and rethinking about the kisses made me feel tingly all over my body.

We needed to talk about it though today and that was going to be awkward. I tried to prepare myself for getting my broken heart irrevocably hurt again. It was going to happen. I knew it would.

When I came down for breakfast a bit later, Bella was already downstairs, feeding some oatmeal to the twins. She looked lovely to me. A bit tired probably, according to the purplish shadows under her eyes. I bet that just like me she didn't sleep well the last night.

"Good Morning." I greeted her in a low voice before I sat down at the table and poured myself a cup of coffee. My head was throbbing. Red wine always gave me a headache the morning after. I lifted my thumb to my mouth. It felt to me as if my lips were still a bit swollen from the kissing last night.

Bella stuffed another spoon full of oatmeal into Julie's mouth. The little one spite it out a split second later.

"Don't spit out your food, Julie Alison. I can't stand that." Bella hissed.

"Bread." The girl demanded. "Julie wants bread,"

"Fine, I'll make you a peanut butter sandwich." I told Julie, reaching for the jar in the cupboard. I spread a bit of peanut butter and raspberry jelly on a piece of toast before I cut it into four pieces.

"Here we go, princess."

"Thank you." Julie squeaked, putting one of the bread pieces into her mouth to chew it loudly. "Nom nom nom."

"You need to stop spoiling her all the time." Bella told me. "The kids need to learn to eat everything. Too much sugar is bad for their teeth."

I shrugged my shoulders and added a bit of milk into my coffee cup before I sipped on it. Then I started flipping through the newspaper that was lying on the table. My hands trembled and I couldn't manage to keep them still.

"Are we going to talk about it?" Bella asked, making me burn my tongue when I swallowed a bit too much of the hot coffee.

"About what?" I asked, sounding like a complete moron in my own ears.

"The kiss, the kisses," she said with a slight blush spreading all over her face. "I've never kissed another woman before."

"I thought so." I whispered. "Bella, I don't know what to say now. I don't think I can do this."

She sighed deeply and reached out her hand to place it on mine. "You're trembling."

I pulled my hand back and crossed both of them in front of my chest. I was so close to breaking into tears that I couldn't breathe properly.

"Please, look at me, Aly. If you don't look at me, I will think that you hate me now."

I sniffed and blinked at her. "I could never hate you. Do you hate me now that you know I like women?"

Bella kneeled down in front of me and took both of my hands in hers. "You said you love me."

I nodded. "Not like a friend. Do you understand that? I really love you."

"Alice, I love you too, but not in the same way. I can't give you what you deserve. The kids…Emmett…God, I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry I let that kiss happen. It was a mistake. I don't know what came over me."

My heart cramped and quivered. Any second it was going to explode into countless tiny fragments right inside my chest. She regretted it. Of course she regretted it. What did I expect from her?

"I'm sorry. Please, tell me this isn't going to ruin our friendship. Your friendship is everything to me. I can't endure to lose you again."

"It was just a kiss." I pressed out, proud that I managed to actually speak without starting to burst out into tears. "Just forget about it. It's not a big deal. It's not like you're the only woman out there."

It was a big deal for me but of course there was no way I was going to let Bella know about this. She didn't love me the way I loved her. Kissing her had changed absolutely zero for her and me.

The doorbell started ringing and I rose from my chair, glad to have an excuse to leave the kitchen.

"Surprise!" Charlotte called out before she pulled me into a stormy hug. My inner walls broke and I sobbed loudly and desperately against her shoulder. Bella didn't want me. Now, that I knew how it felt like to kiss her, it was even worse to me than before.

"Hey, hey, I'm glad to see that you are so happy to see me again but there is no need to cry."

"Oh Charlotte, everything is so messed up. I want to be dead." I told her, wiping the tears from my cheek. "I just want to go back to Sydney and forget about it."

"Sweetie, what the hell happened to you? Anyway, I knew you'd need me. I just had this feeling you would need me. That's why I'm here now. Can I come inside?"

Charlotte cringed when Jake rushed towards her and sniffed her hand.

"He's harmless." I told Charlotte while I fumbled out a tissue to clean my nose. "The dog is just full of hairs and even more slobber. Just ignore him. I do."

We walked inside and I introduced Charlotte to Bella and the kids. My nerves were blank. I really needed to get out of the house and away from Bella as soon as possible.

"Hey there," Charlotte greeted Bella. "So, you are the infamous Bella Swan. You don't look exactly like I imagined you to be like."

I cleared my throat and wrapped my arm around Charlotte's shoulder. "Isn't that great that Charlotte came to visit me? It's her fist time in the States."

"Well, then I hope you'll like it here." Bella muttered. I noticed that she didn't seem to like Charlotte too much and for some odd reason that spurred me on. I kissed Charlotte's cheeks and told her how much I had missed her.

Then I offered to take Charlotte on a trip through the town to do some sightseeing. Bella wished us a nice day and turned her attention back to feeding the kids.

As soon as Charlotte and I were inside the car, she started with the questioning.

"What's going on between you and this Bella chick? Don't leave out any details."

"It's nothing. Please, stop asking."

"Yeah, sure, it's nothing. Aly, I'm not stupid. A blind person could probably see that you are in love with her."

"How can you tell that after seeing us together for like two minutes?"

Charlotte shrugged her shoulders and reached over to give my hand an encouraging tug. "You cried and I'm sure that had to do with her. Please, Aly, You need to stop running away from your emotions even when it's difficult."

I stepped on the gas with so much force that the engine protested with a loud roar. Running away from my feelings? What kind of nonsense was this supposed to be?

"I'm not running away from anything."

"You are. You have. Aly, you moved to another continent to get away from the woman you love. If that's not running away I don't know."

"Charlotte, just stop it." I pleaded. "I don't want to talk about Bella, especially not after last night."

Charlotte's grip around my hand tightened so much that I was sure she was going to leave bruises on my skin. "Did you sleep with her? Oh, my gosh!"

"No, we just kissed. But it doesn't mean anything." It didn't mean anything to her, I added in my head.

"Yes, sure, why would kissing the woman you've been crushing on since your teen years mean anything to you? You were probably just bored."

"Stop being so sarcastically. I mean, the kiss didn't mean anything to Bella. She told me that she's regretting it. She wished it hadn't happen at all."

"Did she kiss you back?"

"Yes, she did, but what does it matter?"

Charlotte chuckled and pulled a red cardigan out of her gigantic handbag. "Christ, the weather is really shitty down here. I'm freezing."

"Charlotte, please. Can we focus on me and Bella now?"

"Yes, sure, why not? Look, if she kissed you back that means, she wanted to kiss you too. She could have pushed you away or just be stiff and let you go over with it."

I parked the car and killed the engine. My hands were trembling so much that I was afraid I would smash the car against something.

"I don't know what to do. This is so horrible. Oh Charlotte, I love her so much that it feels like everything inside me is hurting. Can you die from a broken heart?"

"You are getting too dramatic for my personal liking. Have you told Bella that you are in love with her?"

"I tried to but I think she didn't really understand me."

"Maybe you should have been more specific?"

I rubbed my temples with my fingertips in an attempt to lessen the throbbing headache a bit. "I kissed her. If that's not specific, I don't know what."

"You need to tell her that you love her and that you want more from her than just being friends."

"I did tell her I love her, as in love her more than a friend. What use is there in letting her know about my feelings? They will ruin everything! She's just started to feel better after Emmett's death. I can't bother her with my feelings now."

"Bother her? Jeez, Aly, I would like to put you over my knee right now and spank you. Alice, this is about your happiness. Stop putting others before yourself. Tell her how you feel about her and for how long."

"I can't. She doesn't like me that way. Bella is straight. I know that."

"Well, yesterday night when the two of you were kissing, she stopped being that straight. Anybody can switch teams now and then. You know how I really like penis? But even I had my little share of pussy now and then. It was nice."

I secretly wished for the earth to open up and swallow me completely. Charlotte's love life wasn't something I needed to have details about. For the next two hours, I showed her around town while Charlotte tried to come up with a plan to make Bella jealous. In her opinion making someone jealous was always a good idea to find out if someone was interested in you.

Because according to my best friend, the fact that Bella had told me she didn't like me more than as a friend meant shit. Charlotte was convinced that Bella wouldn't have let the kissing happening when she wouldn't feel anything for me. Maybe she was scared to admit it. I knew how it was like to be scared of your own emotions.

"This is never going to work." I told Charlotte. "It's a stupid plan."

"I hate to remind you, sweetie, but it's not like you have a better idea yourself. So, now, let's make your Bella the most jealous person under the sun."

We returned back to Bella's house and when Charlotte followed me into the living room, she hugged me tightly from behind.

"Oh sweetie, how much I missed you. I can barely keep my hands off you."

Crap, this is so embarrassing. Charlotte what are you doing to me?

"I'll give you some privacy." Bella snarled, lifting Em.J. and Julie up from the ground. "She's not going to sleep here tonight. Is she?"

"Oh no, thank you, Bella. I booked a fantastic hotel room with a huge waterbed. Alice loves waterbeds. Don't you, darling?"

I hated Charlotte so much in that moment. She was embarrassing me completely. Still I tried to smile as widely as I could when Charlotte planted a row of silly open-mouthed kisses all over my throat. It was a bit like being slobbered on by the dog.

"I have to change the twins' diapers." Bella mumbled, rushing up the stairs. When she was out of sight, Charlotte burst out into laughter.

"Stop it. You are impossible. We need to stop doing this."

"Why? It's working."

"It's not working." I hissed through my teeth. Charlotte was overdoing it a bit with the whole making Bella jealous thing. She was overdoing it a bit too much.

"Trust me, Alice. I saw Bella's eyes when I kissed you."

"You drooled on me like a dog."

"That was me pretending to be passionate. Peter likes that, especially when I do this thing with my front teeth and his earlobe."

"I really don't need to experience that."

"You're breaking my heart, girl. Anyway, all that matters is that our plan is working."

"How can you know that?" I asked, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"Like I just told you, Alice, I saw the look on Bella's face when I kissed you. That woman was close to scratching my eyes out."

"I don't want her to be angry." I stated. "I want her to love me."

"Wow, that's the first time you admitted it. Great progress you are making here, Alice. I'm proud of you."

She kissed me on my cheek again. "I will go back to my hotel now and take a nice long soak in the tub."

Charlotte was just about to walk out of the front door when she turned around on her heels. "Look, Alice, if you really want someone so much that you can't forget her, it means you are supposed to fight for that person."

"But I'm scared."

"I know you are. But maybe all of this is a sign? Things do happen for a reason. Tell Bella how much you love her. Even if she doesn't return your feelings, it will make you feel better to know the truth is out."

I nodded silently and stared after Charlotte as she disappeared behind the hedge around the corner. Then I sat down on the ground and wrapped my arms around my knees. The dog sniffed on my hair and I reached up my hand to push him away like usually. This time though I couldn't do it. Instead I petted his head, realizing for the first time how soft the russet colored fur felt like.

"You just want me to love you, don't you, you monster?" I whispered while he purred deep in his throat. "I know how it's like when you want nothing more than for someone to love you back."

I continued stroking his fur and suddenly I felt like crying. I was going to lose the part of Bella that she had been willing to give to me. I was going to lose her friendship, the twins and maybe even more. The sadness overwhelmed me and I sobbed quietly against the dog's broad side.

xxxx

I had managed to compose myself again when Bella walked down the stairs. Her lips were pressed together in a tight line and her hands that she had balled into fists were quivering slightly.

"Where's your girlfriend?" she asked me. Bella's voice came out a bit too high, like she was trying to suppress her anger. Could it actually be that Charlotte was right? Was Bella really jealous?

"Charlotte? She and I aren't actually together."

"Whatever it is you call it what's between you and her." Bella stated. "Her hands were all over you. All over you!"

I wanted to put my hand on Bella's shoulder to calm her down but she took two steps backwards and sighed.

"I'm sorry. It's none of my business. If you are happy with this Charlotte, I won't stand in your way."

She grabbed her jacket and keys, before she quickly braided her long hair together in her neck. "The twins are sleeping upstairs. Can you watch them until I come back? Angela wants me to come to the library to go through my work hours again. It won't be long."

"Yes, sure, no problem," I assured her.

"Bella, when you come back, can we talk then?"

"We're always talking."

Not about the things that really count, I thought. "Tell Angie, I said hi." I mumbled, turning on the TV to switch through the channels. I had a hidden preference for the shopping channel. It wasn't like I was going to order anything. I just felt that the way the things got presented in front of the camera managed to relax me somehow.

Bella left and I snuggled up on the couch, ending up eating almost an entire package of ice cream. I was so nervous that I felt like throwing up. Maybe it was just the ice cream though. The dog whimpered next to me on the ground until I fed him the rest of the ice. Dogs couldn't get sick from eating ice-cream could they?

One of the twins started crying upstairs and a moment later the other one burst out into a loud screaming.

I rushed upstairs and lifted Julie up from her bed, kissing the tears from her chubby cheeks. "Who's crying again?"

"Mo-ma," Em.J's voice reached my ears from the bed next to Julie's . "Mo-ma,"

I put Julie down again and lifted her brother up to put him down on the floor. "Mo-ma."

"Your Mommy is going to come home soon. Do you want to play with your toy blocks until she comes back?"

I pulled out the box and sat down against the closet behind me. The twins babbled an unknowable language towards each other while they played. Em J. tried to hit his sister when she took away a red toy block he was just about to use himself. I ended up putting each twin in another corner of their room. The result was that both of them started crying again.

"Em. J." little Julie sobbed. „Julie to Em.J."

The little monsters couldn't do with or without each other. I allowed them to play together again, trying to ignore Julie teasing her brother and him hitting her in response.

"There the three of you are." Bella greeted us, entering the room. She kneeled down and kissed both kids before she turned to me.

"I'm back."

"You're back." I whispered nervously. I stood up from the ground and wiped a bit of dust from my knees. We needed to get a better vacuum cleaner to get rid of all the dirt the dog and kids left all around the house.

"Do you want us to talk now?"

"Maybe we'll wait until the twins are asleep again." I suggested, desperate to drag out the time for our talk a bit longer. The children were whiny today and somehow more tired than usually. I hoped they weren't coming down with a fever or something.

Bella and I tiptoed out of the twins room and went down to the living room.

"I ate up your ice cream." I confessed. "When I do grocery shopping tomorrow, I'll get you some new Ben & Jerry's."

"I don't give a shit about the stupid ice cream. It's probably better that you ate it instead of me."

I shook my head and plopped down on the couch, pulling Bella with me.

"You are beautiful the way you are. Don't let anyone tell you different."

"You are cute to me."

With all the courage I could come up with I took her hand in mine and started drawing invisible hearts over her palm.

"I love you. I mean I really love you. I want us to be together."

"You mean like a couple?"

My eyes watered with tears as I slowly nodded my head. "I'm sorry. God, Bella, I'm so sorry."

"You are sorry for loving me?"

"Yes! No! Fuck, Bella, this is so messed up. I want you to love me back. That's everything I ever wanted."

I opened my mouth in order to go on with my rambling. I was desperate and couldn't think properly anymore. Then I felt Bella's mouth on mine, her hands in my hair as she tried to pull me as close as possible.

We kissed until we were breathless. I was sitting on Bella's lap now and rubbed myself against her thigh.

"I dreamed about this for so long." she murmured into my ear. "It made me feel so guilty. But I can't fight it any longer."

I took her hand and guided it under my shirt, shuddering slightly when her fingers touched over the skin above my bra.

Bella's caresses were slow and tender. She stroked over the thin silk of my bra, making my nipples hard underneath the fabric.

"Am I doing this right?" she asked me, rubbing her thumb over one of the sensitive tips of my breasts. "You need to tell me what to do."

I shook my head and kissed her again, my lips sucked gently on her tongue while my fingers quickly unbuttoned the press-buttons of her jeans shirt. When it fell down Bella's shoulder a few moments later, she tried to cover herself up with her hands.

"Don't hide from me. You're so beautiful."

With a soft moan on my lips I lowered my face to bury it between the soft mounds of her breasts. They were full and warm. The skin tasted a bit salty when I moved my tongue over it. After tugging down the stripes of her bra, I freed them completely. I kissed every inch of her breasts, avoiding the rosy middle section until I couldn't resist any longer and sucked one of her nipples between my lips.

Bella groaned and I started to rub myself against her more eagerly. I was already wet. I could feel the cotton of my panties sticking against my swollen sex.

My fingers tugged gently on the one of Bella's nipples that was not in my mouth. She liked me sucking on it. Her nipples were so sensitive. It was amazing. I blew a bit against the puckered tips, admiring how they turned red under my mouth's work.

I needed more. I wanted to see all of her. I wanted to worship all of her body.

With trembling hands I opened Bella's pants and pulled them down to her ankles to finally kick them off completely. Then I repeated the same with her socks and eventually her underwear.

She was exquisite, curvy and with a gorgeous tint of a slight blush all over her body. My fingertips stroked over the pale scars on her lower abdomen before they moved lower. Instinctively she parted her legs a bit further. I circled my hand up the inside of her left thigh. Her skin was even softer here.

When I touched the trimmed triangle of dark brown hair between her legs I felt like I was close to coming myself. I was going to touch Bella's pussy now. I had fantasized about this since my high school years. As lightly as I could I ran my forefinger up her slit. She was hot and slick. I loved it. I loved her, all of her.

I fingered her slowly, spreading her wetness over her outer lips to massage them a bit. Bella started shifting around on the couch, greedy to get my fingers to touch her most sensitive spot.

My thumb rolled over her clit; again and again I circled it going a faster rhythm after a few minutes. Her legs started shaking.

I needed to taste her now. I wanted to have her clit against my lips as I brought Bella to her release.

The musky scent of her arousal was overpowering. I licked her right across her slit, from the bottom of her entrance and up to her clit. Here I focused my caresses on mostly, letting my tongue flicker against the little pearl as fast as I could.

One of my fingers moved with ease inside of her pussy where I started rotating it around until I managed to find that sensitive place inside her. That was when I could feel her coming. Her pussy clenched around my finger, her clit pulsed against my tongue. It was the most intimate experience of my whole life. I loved it.

After catching my breath again, I kissed a wet trail up her body, finally resting my head on top of Bella's soft breasts. It felt so nice. I wanted to sleep like this tonight.

"Do you want me to…do you want me to touch you too?" she asked, her voice a bit raspy. "I want to…I mean if you want me to."

I pulled down the zipper of my jeans and stood up from the couch to toss them down my legs. I closed my eyes when I felt Bella's fingers hooking inside the sides of my panties to pull them down.

"You shave." Bella whispered, running her fingers very lightly over my bare pussy. She spread me open and I felt the tip of one finger against my clit. "It's so smooth. Do you like it when I touch you here?"

I nodded. Who could have assumed that Bella Swan had a liking for a bit of dirty talking? It was definitely a turn-on for me. She started stroking me, exploring every crevice and fold between my legs. I moaned against her ear while she continued fingering me, paying special attention to my clit. When I climaxed a few minutes later, my entire body tensed. I cried out. Maybe a bit louder than it was okay to do, but I just couldn't hold back.

It was too intense, too strong to be able to suppress the sensations. I could feel my pussy muscles contracting over and over again. It took me a while until I was able to move again. I grabbed the blanket from the ground and pulled it on top of us. Bella was quiet. Only the steady, still a bit too ragged breathing of hers reached my ear.

I pressed it against her naked chest and sighed deeply when I heard the beating of her heart. It was such a beautiful sound. Soothing like a nursery rhyme. I counted her heart beats.

"This is going to change everything, isn't it?" Bella asked me, her voice not much louder than a whisper. "It's going to change everything between us."

She was right but I was still afraid of the possible changes. Wasn't it strange that you could wish for something for such a long time, that it scared you when it actually came true?

"Let's not talk about that now." I told her. "We'll talk tomorrow. Okay?"

"If that's what you want."

"Yes." I mumbled. "I just want to hold you now and smell your hair for a while."

"Should we get dressed again?"

"No way." I told her, snuggling up closer against her warm body. It felt so good to have her close like this. With all of my heart I wanted to drag this out as long as I could. For I had no idea yet for how long she was going to let me hold her like this.


	13. Chapter 13

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back, my darling readers. I can't thank you enough for the incredible support you've been showing me. I'm the kind of person who constantly doubts herself. So, to hear that you love what I'm doing with this story means a lot to me.

*This chapter is going to be from Bella's POV. It's set in the middle of the last chapter, after Bella leaves to meet in the museum with Angela.

I hope that you are going to enjoy this little glimpse into her mind. Let me know.

****13****

_The soul, like the body, lives by what it feeds on._

_(Josiah Gilbert Holland)_

"Bella, did you hear just one word I've told you? " Angela asked, looking up from the laptop in front of her. "It's like you're not really here at all."

I cringed and tried to focus my thoughts away from Alice and towards my new job. It was necessary that I started to make some money as soon as possible. But it was difficult for me to concentrate. Alice had told me she loved me. I had craved for her to tell me these words for half of my life and then I had messed everything up. I was a coward and with my reaction I had practically pushed her right into the arms of this awful Charlotte.

"Hello? Bella? Bella, try to focus a bit."

"I'm sorry, Angie." I stated, pulling out my notebook. "You said that you want me to work Tuesday, Wednesday and Saturday. Did I get it right?"

"Change Tuesday for Thursday. We are closed on Tuesdays."

"Oh right, I forgot."

Angela sighed and placed her hand on mine to squeeze it gently. "Sweetie, are you sure, that you are ready to start working again?"

Mechanically I nodded my head. "Yes, I am. Working will be good for me."

Angela stood up from the chair, she had been sitting on and handed me a folder. "Try to read through this information until next week. You'll be on your first shift with Ben. Is that okay with you?"

"It's fine. Thank you, Angie, for giving my old job back to me."

She cleared her throat. "I would do more for you if I could. Sweetie, I'm really sorry about Emmett. All of this must be so horrible for you."

My mouth twitched. The pain inside my chest made me feel nauseous. I didn't want to start crying in front of Angela. It would only amplify her assumptions that I wasn't really ready to start working again. I couldn't risk for that to happen. With a fake smile on my face, I told her goodbye and walked outside.

Before I went back home again I stopped by at the cemetery. It had been weeks since I've visited Emmett's grave. My heart cramped. I was a shitty wife and definitely in more than one way.

There was a bouquet of fresh flowers on the grave and I assumed that Esme had put them there. She was such a nice person and I felt closer to her than to my mother in law. That woman couldn't stand me for crying out loud no matter how nice she tried to play in front of her son.

I kneeled down on the damp grass and caressed the blossoms of the white lilies.

"Your aunt always remembers to bring you beautiful flowers." I mumbled, circling my fingertip over the cross on top of the grave. "I'm sorry I haven't been here for so long."

The cold wind made me shiver. This was so awkward. Twenty-five was too young to be a widow. Why did all of this have to happen to me?

"The police are still searching for the bastard who killed you." I whispered. "I hope they'll find him soon."

My mind wandered to last night and how amazingly soft Alice's lips had felt against mine. I've had imagined how it would be like to kiss her for such a long time. The reality had managed to eclipse the fantasy.

The unpleasant feeling of guilt spread through my soul. I was a cheater. I had become the kind of person I detested the most in the whole world.

I remembered how Emmett had always teased me about my feelings for Alice. He had said that I was totally overreacting to her ignoring me. I was acting as if I had lost my lover and not just a friend. Could it be that my husband had sensed how I felt about his cousin?

Alice was everything to me. She was my best friend, my soul mate and also the source my deepest secret. I couldn't even put a certain date to mark the irrevocable change of my feelings from friendship to love. It just happened and although I've tried my best to suppress the forbidden emotions they wouldn't stop.

As a young teenager I had once started the attempt to tell my mother about how I was feeling. It was so overwhelming and the intensity of what I felt for Alice was scaring me. Renee had flipped and made me go to confession every single day for an entire month.

The result of it was that on top of the confusion I felt terribly guilty now. I didn't want to feel that way. I wanted to be normal.

When Emmett came into my life, that was my chance. He made me laugh and I loved the way it made me feel to be around him. It was my proof that I could be what God and my mother expected from me. I wanted to have a family and with Emmett I would be able to get that.

Over the years, I had managed to suppress my love for Alice to a point where I had started to believe the lie myself.

She didn't feel the way about me that I felt about her. Every time I would hug her or try to plant an innocent kiss on her cheek, she would pull back. It was a clear sign that she didn't want me the way I wanted her.

My marriage was an attempt to escape my emotions. You could run away from everything. Even your own feelings if you just tried hard enough.

"You know I love you, right?" I whispered barely audible. "I will always love you. But I love her too. I can't endure the thought of losing her."

The sudden touch of a hand upon my shoulder made me turn around so abruptly that I lost my balance on the grass, ending up throwing the vase with the lilies over.

"I'm sorry." Edward stated. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"It's okay." I mumbled. "I was just in thoughts."

He nodded his head. "I thought so. How are you feeling?"

"I don't know." I told him. "It still feels unreal to me that Emmett isn't going to come back. I miss him. I even miss us fighting. Isn't that weird?"

"Only, if you think it to be weird."

I put the lilies back into the vase, noticing a little card that was attached to their sides. Why would Esme get flowers with a card? I ripped it off and stuffed it into the pocket of my jacket.

"Tell your mother, thank you for the flowers. Will you?"

"Of course, I'll be happy to do that. Are you and Alice getting along?"

My cheeks turned warm. I was sure that my face was tinted a bright pinkish color now.

"Everything is okay. Thank you."

"Bella, what have I told you about lying to a priest? You are supposed to be honest with me."

"I know. But sometimes it's really hard. I feel like you are judging me."

He reached out his hand and helped me to stand up from the ground. "I'm sorry for making you feel that way."

"It's okay. The situation between your sister and me is complicated."

"Why?"

Because I'm in love with her and she's in love with me. Add the fact to this that I just lost my husband a few weeks ago and that made me appear like the most selfish, heartless monster in the whole wide world.

Edward followed me to my car and I sighed deeply when I opened its trunk. The mess inside there pretty much equaled the chaos in my head.

I needed to clean up both in order to keep the tiny rest of sanity I had left.

"When I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anyone about it?" I asked Edward, placing a blanket and some of Jake's chew toys into a plastic box.

Edward leaned against the side of the car and handed me the rest of Jake's toys. The dog had just as many toys as the twins, maybe even more.

"Do you want to tell me here or do you want until it's confession time next week?"

"I can't wait that long. Look, I've done something really horrible and the fact that I don't regret it makes it even worse."

Running his hand through the mess of coppery hair on his head, Edward assured me that things probably weren't as bad as I thought them to be.

"Alice kissed me and I kissed her back. How can I do something like that to Emmett?"

"Is that what you are concerned about?"

"Yes, also about that people would think if they'd find out how I feel about your sister. This is wrong. God doesn't want me to feel that way. I know that but I just can't stop. I love her."

"She loves you too. I knew that Alice tended more towards her own sex. Even before she told me about it herself."

"You know?"

"Why do you sound so surprised now? Alice is my sister. She's supposed to trust me."

I leaned inside the trunk to reach for the old leather leash that had rolled underneath the backseat. It was too far for me to get it.

"Edward, can you get me the leash?" I asked him. "You need to get it for me. I'm too short."

He climbed over the seat and grabbed the leash. But instead of handing it to me, he tossed it on the ground. A moment later he buckled forward and vomited over the asphalt. His face was white like chalk.

"Crap, are you sick? Sit down for a moment. Jeez, you look bad."

"It's nothing." Edward croaked, his voice trembling. "I just need a moment."

I grabbed the leash from the ground and threw it on top of the plastic box. Then I sat down next to Edward and placed my arm around his shoulder. "Do you want me to drive you home?"

"I can't go home. I'm supposed to prepare the funeral for Dr. Gerandy's wife."

"I see."

To my horror he started crying. I had never seen an adult man cry like this and to see Edward, who was always so much in control of his emotions break down like this was shocking.

"Is this because of me and your sister?" I asked him worriedly. "I'm so sorry."

"No," he whispered, managing to regain the control over his feelings again. "It's not because of you and Alice."

"I keep telling myself that I can't love her like this but the feeling doesn't go away. It's even worse now that I know she likes me back. I'm scared."

"About what people will think, right? Bella, you need to stop worrying that much about others."

"There's also Emmett."

Edward wiped some sweat from his forehead and sighed. "My cousin above all people would have wanted you to be happy. He loved you."

I could feel tears in my eyes. Emmett had loved me way more than I had deserved him to love me. My feelings for him had grown. I had learned to love him, but the feeling had never felt natural to me. Our marriage hadn't been easy and that had mostly been my fault I assumed.

"Isn't it crazy that I miss Emmett and still can be in love with Alice? That's like cheating on him, isn't it?"

"No, it's not. You can love more than one person at the same time. Just not in the same way."

"What about the twins?"

"What about them?"

"Will it not be bad for them if I'm with a woman? The kids love Alice but this is not how a family is supposed to be like."

Edward's lips twitched. "How do you think a family is supposed to be like?"

"I don't know. Emmett and I. That was normal, I guess."

"'Being normal is pretty important to you. Look, I should tell you that what you feel for my sister is wrong but if I did that it would be a lie. The two of you are good for each other."

"But we're both women. This is not how the bible tells us to live."

"If my sister was a man, would that make things easier for you?"

I shrugged my shoulders. The truth was that if Alice were a guy, I would have married her in the first place. If Alice were a guy, I wouldn't have felt ashamed about my interest in her.

He cleared his throat and sighed deeply. "Try to stop worrying so much. You deserve to be happy. God always wants us to be happy. It's only people who want others to feel miserable."

I stood up from the ground and asked Edward for a second time if he wanted me to drive him home. Father James could prepare the funeral instead of him, couldn't he?

Edward assured me that he was perfectly fine and I drove off. In a way it was as if a heavy weight had been lifted off my soul. I was grateful for Alice's brother being so supportive.

Wasn't the situation he and Alice had grown up a bit similar to that of my twins? Both of them had lost their birth father at a young age. Unlike Esme I wouldn't let the kids forget their father though. It had always felt strange to me that neither Alice nor Edward was able to remember the tiniest things about their father.

I wanted the kids to know who Emmett was. He had loved our two little monsters so much.

The tears started rolling down my cheeks and I had to pull the car over to wipe my eyes. When I fumbled for a tissue in my pockets, my fingers closed around the little card.

I pulled it out and flipped it open. The spidery handwriting didn't look like Esme's at all.

_My heart will forever be yours_

I read through the words for a second time and even a third time. They still didn't make sense to me. Did Emmett have a secret affair? He wasn't the type for that, was he? For the second time today the awful feeling of jealousy spread through me. My husband had cheated on me. All this time I had felt guilty because I couldn't get Alice out of my head. But unlike him, I had never dared to act on my feelings until last night.

With quivering fingers, I put the card into my jacket again. I had already lost my husband. I wasn't going to risk losing Alice too. Especially not to that sassy person from Australia…


	14. Chapter 14

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

[A/N] Welcome back, my lovely readers. Thanks for taking the time to read & review my little project here.

I'm so happy that I managed to create an Edward that is so hard to hate for you. I love his character in this story.

Also, thanks for all your thoughts on the whole Rosalie/ Emmett situation. I can't wait for your reaction once the whole truth comes out.

FAQ's

Would you write their first time from Bella's POV?

I don't think it's good when you retell the same chapter from another characters POV. But I will definitely do a lemon from B's POV in the future.

This chapter here is dedicated to **sarCHRIS2012** – I admire people with a great imagination. Your theory is wrong but it totally made me smile when I read it.

****14****

_God pours life into death and death into life without a drop being spilled_

_(Author Unknown)_

I didn't want to wake up. I didn't want to wake up to realize that everything what had happened last night was nothing but a dream.

Warm lips pressed against my neck, gently at first but then a bit more eagerly, probably leaving crimson marks on my skin. You couldn't get a hickey in your dream. It was impossible.

"Hey," I whispered, blinking tiredly into the lightness of my bedroom. Bella snuggled a bit closer against me from behind and chuckled.

"Are you finally awake?"

"No,"

"Are you talking in your sleep?"

"Yes."

She laughed and leaned over to plant a wet kiss on my cheek. "You snore too and pretty bad to tell the truth."

Why do people always make up that I snore? First my brother when I was a child. Then Charlotte insisted on always having earplugs in stock when I crashed at her place and now Bella was telling me the same. I did not snore! I would know it if I did.

"Did you sleep okay?" Bella asked me, sitting up straight in the bed before she leaned against the headboard. Somewhere in the middle of the night she must have gone to her room to get the long shirt she was wearing now. I liked her better when she was naked.

"I slept fine. Thank you." I muttered while I tried to comb through my hair with my fingertips to tame its mess a bit.

Bella grabbed the bottle of water from my nightstand and took a big gulp. She pulled her knees against her chest and exhaled loudly through her front teeth.

"Something like that has never happened to me before."

I nodded, while I tried to wrap the blanket around my body like some kind of toga. It was too cold here for sleeping naked. It had been her who had kept me so pleasantly warm last night. There was so much that Bella and I needed to discuss now and I was terribly nervous about the upcoming conversation.

"I know." I whispered after a few moments of awkward silence.

"How?"

"Well, you were married with a guy and I know that you've not been with anyone else apart from your husband."

"I wanted to do this with you. I mean…even before I met Emmett but I was scared. It's not normal to feel this way about your best friend."

Oh Bella, if you knew, if you only knew….

"You never told me that you like me. I mean, you never told me that you me like this." I stuttered. My head was spinning. Bella loved me too? It hadn't just been me who had felt attracted to her. The feeling was mutual. She and I were like two magnets that kept getting pulled towards each other. The, what if, questions in my brain started racing. If I had told her how I felt about her. If only she had told how she felt about me. If only—

"Alice, are you still here with me?"

"Yes, of course. I'm just a bit agitated. I didn't expect you to be interested in me like this."

"I'm scared. I mean, I'm not supposed to feel that way about you. I love Emmett. How can I do this to him?"

I made my hand a fist under the blanket, balling it together with so much force that my bitten fingernails cut into my palm. She loves him? Well, of course she loves him. They were married.

Bella placed her hand on my knee and sighed. "No one is as important to me right now as you are. The last weeks, I couldn't have made it through them without your help."

Am I supposed to be some kind of rebound for her now? The thought was painful. It cut through my heart like a knife through soft butter. She could hurt me so easily. She could hurt me because I loved her so unconditionally that it made me vulnerable.

"Please, Aly, look at me." Bella pleaded, putting her fingers carefully under my chin to lift it up. I hadn't even realized that I'd been staring down at the sheets the entire time.

"You are only with me because Emmett is dead." I whispered, trying to blink away the tears. I was going to cry. My nerves were not strong enough to fight them off.

"Don't say that. Please, don't say something like that."

"Why not?" I snapped, bursting out into tears. I grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of yoga-pants together with some underwear before I rushed off to the bathroom. Here I cried and sobbed under the shower while I washed off the traces of Bella's scent from my body. What I couldn't wash off were the memories. How her fingers had felt against my most intimate parts. How she had tasted in my mouth as I pleasured her with my tongue.

There was a hammering against the bathroom door. It was so loud that I could hear it even through the sound of the shower water running down on me.

I washed my hair and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my head and a second one around my body.

The knocking on the door was louder now. I tripped over to unlock it.

"Alice! You can't do this to me." Bella sobbed. "You can't just run away from me. I love you."

"You said you love Emmett." I croaked. My throat felt raw as I spoke.

"Yes, I do love him. He was my husband. He was the father of my children. I will always love him."

She pulled me backwards until my knees touched against the tub behind me. Here I sat down. Bella kneeled down in front of me and wrapped her hands around my right wrist.

"You are special to me. I feel so blessed that God brought you back to me. I love you."

"I doubt, God had anything to do with me returning to Seattle. Actually, I'm pretty sure he doesn't like the way I feel about you."

"God wants us to be happy. That's what Edward always tells me."

The doorbell started ringing downstairs and Bella quickly planted a soft kiss on my mouth before she jumped up.

"That's Rose. She's here to bring some papers. Isn't it great that I've managed to find such a nice nanny for the twins? I really like her."

Bella rushed downstairs to open to door and I took my time to towel dry my hair and apply some concealer and mascara to brighten up my eyes. They were red. You could tell that I'd been crying. I hated that.

I didn't know what to make out of the situation with Bella. It was too overwhelming. I needed to call Charlotte and hold some kind of emergency meeting with her.

After getting dressed I walked back into my bedroom and pulled out my cell to dial Charlotte's number. It took forever until she finally picked up. Her voice sounded so raspy as if she had just fallen out of her bed.

"Hello?"

"Charlotte, honey, it's me? Did I wake you up?"

"I didn't even sleep one minute. My throat is sore. Stupid air condition on the plane." She grumbled into the receiver.

"I'm sorry. That really sucks. I will come over later and bring you some soup."

"I don't feel like eating."

"But you need something warm. Do you want me ask my Dad to have a look at you?"

She sniffed and a moment later I could hear her blowing her nose loudly. Sick Charlotte was the whiniest person on earth. When she twisted her ankle last winter, she got so on Peter's nerves that they almost broke up with each other.

"It's not that bad, just a stupid cold, I think. Besides, isn't your Dad a pediatrician?"

"A doctor is a doctor."

"Can I have Dr. McDreamy to come and take my temperature then?"

I laughed. "He's not real."

"You're breaking my heart, woman." Charlotte croaked between two coughing fits. "Talking about heart breaks, how are things with you and Jealousella?"

"She was really angry."

"That's good."

"In a way, I don't want her to be jealous. Nobody knows better than me how much that hurts."

"Oh, sweetie."

"Last night…last night…we kind of had sex with each other."

"Wait!" Charlotte called out before she cleaned her nose again. "You had sex? With Bella? Oh my god, you need to tell me everything about it."

"No,"

"You're a bad friend. I would tell you everything about my sex with Peter. Recently he bought me some plugs and then—,"

Yuck! I really didn't want to imagine my friends jumping each other's bones.

"Charlotte, I don't want to know what you and Pete are doing in the bedroom."

"You Americans are all prudes. Anyway, sweetie, I'm glad you got some. Was it good?"

"Charlotte!" I warned her.

"Okay, okay. I won't ask again. Are you together now? Or was it just a one night thing?"

"I'm not sure."

"Did you talk with her about it?"

"Yes, we did talk but it's so complicated. She said she still loves her husband."

"Isn't he dead?"

"What does it matter?" I snapped. My nerves were tensed. I felt like the situation was terribly messed up. It seemed impossible to handle.

"Well, Aly, it matters because he's dead and you and she are still here."

"I don't understand."

"Maybe you will. Try not to worry so much all the time. I will pop in some Aspirin and crawl into bed."

"I'll come to visit you later." I told her before I hung up and went downstairs.

Rosalie was sitting next to Bella on the couch. I noticed that Bella was holding some silver-framed picture of Emmett between her hands.

"Hey, Rose. Good, Morning."

"Good Morning, Alice. How are you today?" Rose greeted me before she leaned down to pick up Em.J's pacifier from the ground. "We need to sterilize that. It's full of dog hair."

Everything in this house is full of dog hair, I thought. How could one animal loose that many of them permanently? No matter how often you brushed Jake's fur, it still ended up on every surface in the house.

"I'll do that later." Bella stated before she placed Emmett's picture on the table in front of her.

I looked down at it. He was smiling, or more like grinning. My cousin had been such a joyful person, always up for a joke and taking life the easy way. He was so much unlike Bella who, just like me had a tendency to worry a bit too much. Maybe that was the reason the two of them had gotten along so great. Opposites attract or something like that.

"Your Emmett was such a handsome guy, Bella. I'm sorry you lost him." Rose whispered, letting her fingertip circle almost tenderly over the edge of the picture. "The kids look like him."

"I think Julie comes more after Bella." I stated, sitting down in the arm chair across from Bella and Rosalie.

"Did you bring your papers with you?" Bella asked Rose. The tall blonde nodded and handed Bella a folder. "I'm afraid I don't have that much experience."

"You have a degree in preschool teaching? Wow, that's great. But what did you do during the last three years?"

Rose rubbed the bridge of her nose and sighed. "I was very sick for a while and spent a lot of time in hospitals."

"Oh I see. I'm sorry to hear that. Are you better now?" I asked her.

"Yes, yes, I'm perfectly healthy again." Rose whispered, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "It wasn't something contagious, if that's what you are concerned about."

"Being sick for so long must be awful." Bella mumbled. "Anyway, I think those papers are fine. Are you sure that you'll be okay with the money? I can't pay you much."

"It's perfectly enough. I'm so glad that I can help you with the kids. Money is not of any value for me. It can't buy you any of the things that really count in life, love…health."

Bella nodded her head. Then she stood up to put Julie's jacket on. "Are you sure that it's not too much stress for you to take the twins to the park?"

"Park! Julie, Park!"

Rosalie laughed and lifted the little girl up, before she took Em.J's hand in hers.

"Twins say by to your Momma and Aly."

"Bye Mommy. Bye Aly." Julie squeaked and waved her hand simultaneously with that of her brother.

"The kids love her." I told Bella when I had heard the door close behind Rosalie. "That's great."

"I know. I like her too. It's somehow as if I'd known her my whole life. Isn't that weird?"

"Maybe a bit," I mumbled. "Do we have the ingredients for chicken soup here? I want to cook some for Charlotte. She caught some bug on the plane."

Bella's facial expressions hardened. "This Charlotte girl, was she your girlfriend in Australia?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Would it matter?"

"Yes, it would. I think she wants you back. Please, tell me you don't want to get back together with her."

"Jealous?"

"I'm not jealous." Bella stated, emphasizing the word a bit too much to really mean what she was saying. I didn't want her to be jealous. Jealousy was able to destroy so much. Yet, I loved the fire in her eyes when she told me she couldn't stand Charlotte.


	15. Chapter 15

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome to another update, my dear readers and thanks for all your support. I always look forward to reading your thoughts on my story.

This chapter here is dedicated to **AnimeLuv21** & **Secrets87** for another very creative theory about Rosalie.

I really can't wait for you to figure out the truth. The first one who gets it right wins…I don't know, will have to think of something. Maybe I'll write a one-shot for you. You can choose the pairing. Does that sound good?

Anyway, now, on to the chapter, I hope you'll enjoy.

****15****

_If grass can grow through cement, love can find you at every time in your life._

_(Cher)_

Charlotte looked bad when she opened the door of her hotel room for me. Her eyes were swollen, her nose red and it looked as if she had some kind of rash all over her face.

"Hey there, sick child." I greeted her, giving her a one-armed hug. "You don't look good."

"I feel like crap. My skin is so itchy. Must be some allergy for this crappy American Aspirin I bought at the airport."

We walked back inside, stumbling over piles of clothes that were lying around all over the ground. Charlotte was one of the messiest persons I knew.

"I'm sorry you are sick. I brought you soup."

Charlotte croaked a thank you and climbed back under the blankets. "It's so cold here."

"Turn down the air-conditioning. Let me fix this."

I adjusted the room temperature and went to the closet to get Charlotte an extra blanket. Then I poured a bit of the chicken soup I had transported in a thermos into the cup.

"Be careful. It's hot."

"You're a good mommy." Charlotte mumbled, nipping on the steaming broth. "Hmm, this tastes good. It's not from a can, is it?"

"No, it's made from scratch. Bella helped me to cook it."

She took another sip and sighed, placing the cup on the nightstand. "Tell her thank you. Will you?"

I nodded. Then I sat down at Charlotte's side and took her hand. It was so warm. She was probably having a fever. Maybe I should have brought Dad with me.

"Do you want a doctor?"

"No. It's just some rash and a stupid cold." She assured me, grabbing a tissue from the bed to clean her nose. "How are things with Bella going?"

"It's complicated."

"If you love her you need to fight for her. It's either that or moving on. Make up your mind. It's about time."

"She says she loves me. But it's just that I feel that Bella is not a lesbian. She's a mom."

"And mothers are never lesbians, right? She likes you. Your Bella likes you enough for jumping your bones. That makes her at least…what was that called again…bi curious?"

I took the cup with the soup and pressed it between Charlotte's hands. "Drink as long as it's still warm."

"Yes, Mommy." Charlotte mumbled, lifting the cup to her dry-looking lips.

"I don't know what to do, Charlotte. It's so messed up. She was married to my cousin. How would that look like? Isn't this almost like incest somehow?"

"Bullshit. Look, your cousin is dead. His wife needs to move on. She's too young to stay alone for the rest of her life."

She rubbed her eyes and yawned. "Go and get your girl if you want to be with her."

"Am I supposed to just seduce her and swipe her off her feet?"

Charlotte closed her eyes and nodded. "Kind of, sweetie, kind of."

I realized that she had fallen asleep. That was probably a good sign. Sleeping was good when you were sick, wasn't it? I tiptoed out of the hotel room. It seemed to take forever until the elevator eventually started moving towards my level. When it finally did, the doors didn't open. Stupid technology! I was just considering if I should use the stairs instead when the door opened and a petite red-head stumbled out, adjusting the hem of her skirt.

She walked passed me, without looking up. I stepped inside the elevator, finding myself greeted by a familiar nasal voice.

"Hello Miss Cullen. How's it going?"

"Good Morning, Father James." I whispered, trying to ignore the fact that he had a mark of pink lipstick on his white collar. Had he and the red-haired woman just done it inside the elevator? The thought was sick. He was a priest. Edward would never do something like that, would he?

"What brings you here?" he asked me, trying to make some kind of small talk.

"I came to visit a friend. A sick friend," I said while I tripped back and forth on my heels. How long could one elevator ride be?

"So have I." Father James muttered. "I hope your friend feels better soon."

"Thank you."

"I didn't see you at church last Sunday. In fact you never attend the Sunday service with your parents, not even when your brother holds the sermon."

"I'm not a very good Christian."

"It's difficult to be one. Anyone can give into the devil's temptations. They are so much more appealing, aren't they?"

The elevator reached the lobby and I quickly muttered a goodbye to Father James before I rushed out.

On my way back to Bella's house I stopped to buy some scented candles, flowers and a small cake with a dark chocolate frosting. If I wanted to seduce Bella I could at least do it thoroughly.

She wasn't home when I opened the door. The dog was gone too and I assumed that Bella had taken the kids and Jake out for a walk. The house seemed awfully quiet to me without anyone barking or squeaking. I went upstairs and arranged the candles around my bed. Then I ripped the head of one of the red roses up and tossed the blossoms all over the sheets.

Maybe this was too much. I looked down at my work and wondered if I should better put everything away.

The dog barked downstairs and quickly placed the little cake on the nightstand before I went downstairs.

"Hey there," I called out, lifting Julie up in my arms. "How's my princess doing?"

"The princess tried to eat some clover in the park." Bella told me. "Rose told me about it."

"Really? Clover? Oh, Julie, you can't do that."

I put the little girl down on the ground and pulled playfully on her pigtail. I loved her so much. She was so much like Bella.

"Sleepy." Julie mumbled, scratching her arms. "Julie, sleep with Jake."

"You can sleep in your own bed, honey." Bella stated, lifting her up. "Em.J., come with us."

He whined and kicked his feet against the stairs until I put him on my arm. "Are you tired?"

The boy shook his head and started rubbing his eyes. I could sense that he was only moments away from passing out. Both twins fell asleep within minutes when we put them down to sleep.

"Aren't they cute when they're sleeping?" Bella whispered, circling her fingertip over her son's head before we left the kids' room again.

I made up some excuse that I needed to get something from my room while Bella went downstairs. In a flash I lighted the candles and closed the curtains.

It was too much. She was going to hate it. Crap, now it was too late for changing my seduction plan.

"What is taking you so long?"

Bella's mouth widened when she visualized my attempts to decorate the guest bedroom. My face turned red. This was embarrassing.

"Wow."

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I…I mean…it's probably too much."

"Shhh," she mumbled, closing the distance between us with three quick steps. I landed flat on the bed with her on top of me when I lost my balance. "This is so cute. I love it."

"It's not too much?"

"It's perfect. You are amazing."

I felt her breasts pressing against my own chest. It was divine and I needed more. My fingers made fast work with fumbling her blouse open.

"You have pretty underwear." I mumbled, rubbing my face against the soft pink lace. Her nipple was hard against my lips when I sucked it gently through the thin material of her bra. I tossed down the stripes to expose her full mounds.

"I really like your breasts."

"They're too big."

"No," I protested, closing my lips around the sensitive flesh. She moaned. I loved her making those noises. They made my sex tingle and shiver with lust. "They're perfect."

I rubbed my crotch against her thigh, wishing that our bodies weren't separated by our clothes. We tossed them down next to the bed, piece by piece, almost managing to set my Gucci top on fire. Candles were beautiful, but dangerous in the heat of the moment.

"You're so beautiful." Bella told me in a soft whisper. "I've always thought you are so very beautiful."

Her hand moved down my stomach, circling gently above the skin right underneath my navel.

"I can't believe I get to touch you like this."

Oh Bella, you're not the only one who can't believe this is real, I thought. My lips found hers and I kissed her hard. I wanted to kiss her until I couldn't breathe anymore. Then I could die a happy person.

Bella's fingers moved lower, finding me incredibly wet and ready for her touch. I groaned into her mouth. I loved having her fingers on my clit. How amazing would it be like to feel her tongue and lips between my thighs?

My hand caressed Bella's inner leg, stroking gently over her soaked slit with two fingers.

"Alice, please." she whimpered, rocking her hips against my fingers. "I need you. I need you so much."

With one swift movement I pushed my fingers inside her, first two, then eventually a third one. The wet noise her pussy was making with every thrust back and forth was heavenly to me.

We fingered each other, our rhythms un-matching. I was getting closer and closer to my release as Bella massaged my swollen sex with her fingers and pressed her thumb against my throbbing clit.

She came a split second before me, the spasms of her inner muscles triggering my own climax. It took me several minutes until I managed to get my breathing under control again.

When I turned my face to Bella again, I realized that she had tears running down her cheeks. Shit.

"Are you okay? I'm sorry."

"No, I'm good. It's just…this is so…intense. I can't believe that you want me like this."

I wrapped my arms around her and snuggled against her side. "I've always wanted you. I wanted you, even when we were still at school."

"But you never said anything." she said, a bit sadness in her voice. "Why didn't you ever tell me you liked me?"

"I was scared. It's easier to be friends." I stated. "Then you met Emmett and everything was lost for me anyway."

"I liked you too. I mean…more than as a friend. I just thought you weren't interested in me in that way."

I sat up straight in the bed, my breasts bouncing a bit from the movement. "What made you think that?"

Bella sighed and reached out her arms for me. "Because you always pulled back when I hugged you, that's why I thought you didn't return my interests."

I nodded and suddenly I felt like crying. My entire life I hadn't even considered the possibility of her returning my feelings. All I had ever thought about was how I loved her. How she would never love me back. I remembered, how I couldn't endure to hug her all out of fear it could be too much. She had misinterpreted my awkward behavior as a sign that I didn't like her touching me. I was the most stupid person in the entire world.

"Don't cry. Please, don't cry, Alice."

"But I messed up. I was so stupid, so fucking stupid."

"It's okay. It doesn't matter anymore." She whispered, pulling me into her arms again. I wrapped my hands around her neck, holding on to her while I sobbed against her naked chest.

"We can't make undone what went wrong in the past. All we can do is to make it better in the future."

"I love you." I told her, pressing my quivering mouth against her warm lips. "Bella, I love you."

"I love you." she mouthed, tightening the hold around my arms as if she wanted to make sure that I would stay there. For me there was no place on earth I'd rather wanted to be right now.

"Does your family know?" Bella asked me after a few minutes of cuddling each other.

"Do they know what?"

"Do they know that you like girls? I tried to tell Renee once about how it made me all confused to see you changing your clothes in the locker room after sports."

"You told Renee?"

"Not really. She flipped so much that I chickened out. I felt guilty enough without her judging me for my emotions."

"My brother knows but I don't think I could tell my parents. They are great people but so terribly old-fashioned."

Bella nodded her head and pulled me a bit closer against her warm body. It was so heavenly to be held by her, like finally everything made sense to me and I could breathe freely now.

Tell me you love me." I pleaded her. "I need to hear it."

"I love you. I've always loved you. I will always love you."

My heart swelled in my chest. Bella loved me. My Bella loved me back. Life was good to me and for the first time in a long while I wished for time to stand still.


	16. Chapter 16

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back, my lovely readers. Again, thank you so much for your reviews. It always makes my day to read your thoughts on my story.

FAQ's

Was the read-haired woman in the elevator Vicky?

Yes, that was her. Would you like to see more of her in the future?

#See you at the bottom.

****16****

_If you want to touch the past, touch a rock. If you want to touch the present, touch a flower. If you want to touch the future, touch a life._

_(Author Unknown)_

It was amazing to wake up in Bella's arms. She was so warm and her long hair cascaded around my shoulders like a silk blanket. I could have stayed that way forever. It was so comfy. It felt so right to me.

"Are you awake?" she asked me, grazing the shell of my ear with her front teeth. "I need to get ready for my first day in the museum."

I nodded my head. It would have been so nice to have a bit more time to cuddle in the morning. A glimpse at the alarm on my nightstand told me that it was too late for that.

Angela had thought it to be a good idea if Bella worked for a few days under her husband Ben's supervision. Rosalie would come here later to babysit the twins. Both of them loved their Nanny dearly.

Bella hooped under the shower and when she returned a few minutes later, her hair was pulled up into a tight bun in her neck. I liked it better when she wore it down. It made her look like a young girl.

"You need to help me pick an outfit." She stated, holding a bunch of clothes up. "I don't know what to wear for my first day at work."

I took a quick look through the outfits. How many bad shopping choices could a single person make? The blouses she had bought were too big. They would make her chest look even bigger than it already was. The pants, all of them, had the wrong cut. I felt like starting a fire and burn down her entire wardrobe.

"You can wear that grey pencil skirt and that white blouse. But you need to wear a belt above it to emphasize your waist."

"I don't have a waist."

"That's why we need the belt for." I told her with a smile on my face. It was great that she was asking for my advice in this. When we were still at school she always got bitchy when I was trying to give her fashion tips.

She put on the skirt and the blouse while I went to her room to get a belt. My choice was a cherry red one. I loved the color red on her.

The belt turned Bella's curvy figure into a lovely hourglass shape. I kissed her lips and assured her that she looked just perfect.

Shortly after Bella left, the twins woke up. I fed them some breakfast, trying to make them finish eating without smearing peanut butter or juice all over their clothes again.

The front door opened with a loud squeak. Bella had given Rosalie an extra set of keys. We needed to make sure that Rose wouldn't accidentally catch us kissing or something worse. That was another thing Bella and I needed to talk about as soon as possible. We needed to decide if and whom we wanted to tell about our relationship.

"Hello Alice." Rose greeted me, waving her hand. "How are my favorite twins doing today?" she added, kneeling down to tug playfully on one of Julie's pigtails.

"They haven't made each other cry yet, but the day is still young." I told her. "It's good that you're here now, though."

"Do you have to leave for work too? If I'd known that I would have come here earlier."

"No, I don't work. Well, I don't work right now. I have a job at a fashion magazine in Sydney."

"Australia? Wow, that's impressive. How's it like there? I've always loved to travel but I couldn't do it for such a long time now."

"Why?"

She rubbed her nose and jumped quickly from her chair to lift one of Em. J's toys from the floor. "Do we want to play with this, sweetie? But you need to be nice to your sister and don't hit her. Promise me?"

I poured myself a cup of coffee and when I asked Rosalie if she wanted to have one too she shook her head. "Caffeine is bad for my—," she started, stopping herself midsentence. Her hands moved to a silver medallion around her neck and she pressed it tenderly against her chest. A moment later a fine trail of black mascara trickled down the corner of her eye.

Crap, why was she crying now? Had I upset her without knowing?

"Are you okay, Rose?" I asked, placing my hand on hers. "Why are you crying?"

"It's nothing," she pressed out, trying to get her emotions under control again. I could see how her lips were trembling slightly from holding back more tears from falling.

I knew how it felt like when you were miserable but too afraid to confess your feelings to another person. It was horrible. I instantly felt an unpleasant tightness around my heart.

"You can tell me." I encouraged her. "Whatever it is you can tell me about it."

"No." Rose croaked. "I could never tell you. I could never tell anybody. Oh, my God."

She buried her face in her hands and several dry sobs left her mouth.

"Hey," I whispered, gently stroking over the long blonde curls. Her hair was soft, very similar to that of Bella's apart from the brighter color. Rose was a very beautiful woman. Why would she be so upset about something? According to my own experience it mostly had to do with matters of the heart when someone was miserable.

"If I tell you," Rosalie finally whispered, raising her head again. "You need to promise me that you won't tell anyone about it. No one must know, especially not Bella."

"I promise," I told her. Was Rosalie in love with Bella? The thought instantly stirred up the bitter feeling of jealousy inside me. The two of them were getting along so great. Plus, Rosalie wouldn't move away in a few weeks like I would be forced to do it.

"You will think so low of me." Rose mumbled. "I feel so horrible about all of this. All these years I prayed for it to happen and now that it has finally come true, all I feel is guilty. I'd rather be dead myself. It would be better."

She freed herself of my embrace and stood up from the chair. Her entire body was quivering now. With clumsy movements she started unbuttoning her blouse very slowly. Why the hell was she taking her clothes off now?

"You can't imagine how it has been for me the last three years. Before I got sick, my life was so perfect."

"Whose life is perfect?" I asked, lifting Julie up on my lap. "No one's is."

Rosalie's pink-tinted lips twitched, exposing a bit of her perfectly white teeth. "Well, my life was. It was absolutely perfect."

She turned around and starred out of the kitchen window. Her fingertips reached out for her reflection in the glass. "I used to work as a swimwear model. My fiancé and I were to be married soon. Then, three weeks before the wedding I caught some throat infection."

A deep sigh escaped her mouth. "It was just some stupid angina. Royce said that I shouldn't be making such a fuss about it, and just swallow some pills."

"This Royce is your ex-husband, right?"

Rose's shook her head no. "We never made it to the wedding. After a week of taking cold medication, I felt so weak that I had to go to a hospital. But it was too late. The angina had already infected my heart."

"Your heart? From a simple throat infection?" I made a mental note that I was definitely going to have Dad take a look at Charlotte. I didn't want anything to happen to her.

"It's stupid, isn't it? My entire life, I've been healthy as a horse and now suddenly I couldn't even go on a five minute walk without some respirator."

"This is why you were sick for so long?" I asked Rosalie, cuddling the little one on my lap a bit closer against my chest. Julie was such a dear child. If you held Em.J. for longer than a minute, he always started fidgeting around.

"You can't even imagine how it was like. I wanted to be dead. Death couldn't be worse than this…vegetating."

I nodded my head. I had never been sick in my life, at least not very much and I couldn't imagine how terrible it must have been for Rose during this time.

"Every Morning, I was surprised when I woke up again. I was afraid that I would just die in my sleep. Isn't that stupid? I wanted to be dead, yet I was scared to die so very much. I don't believe there is a heaven. So, what would happen to me afterwards?"

I kissed Julie's curly-head and placed the girl down on the ground again. There was a heaven. There had to be a heaven. I had been raised to take the existence of heaven and hell for something completely normal. It couldn't be any other way.

"I prayed." Rose continued after a little pause. "I don't even believe in God but I still prayed every single night. I prayed for someone to die, so that I could live."

"I don't understand." I told her, standing up from my chair too.

I put my hand on her shoulder, trying to make her turn around again. When she did it, I noticed a thick red and purplish scar, running down from her sternum to disappear under the white top she had been wearing under her blouse.

"Emmett's heart, I have his heart. Oh God, Alice, I'm so sorry. I can't even tell you how sorry I am."

She dropped down to her knees and wrapped her arms around herself. Loud sobs rocked through her body.

For a few minutes I was frozen. I tried to move, but it was just impossible. Rose had Emmett's heart. Why? How? Weren't things like these supposed to stay anonymous?

"You have Emmett's heart. How do you know the transplant was from him?"

Rose looked up at me and the weak attempt of a smile flashed over her tear-covered face. "I'm pretty good with hacking into computer systems. I managed to get the address of the donor and decided to come here."

"What for?"

"I don't know. I felt like I needed to know who the person was whom I owned my life to. And then I saw the kids…and it felt as if I was like responsible for them. I need to take care of the twins, because Emmett is gone now. He's gone because I wanted someone to die. God, Alice, Bella can never know about this, never."

My mind wandered to Bella and I knew that handling with this situation would be too much for her to endure. She was still suffering so much because of Emmett's death. This was going to break her and I was scared, I wouldn't be able to fix her again.

"She can never know." I told Rosalie, taking a deep breathe to keep myself from starting to cry. If I would cry now, I wouldn't be able to stop. "And you need to find an excuse why you won't be able to continue the Nanny job for the twins."

"Please, don't make me do that." Rose pleaded. "I love the kids so much."

I sighed and nodded my head. "Okay. But we need to make sure that Bella doesn't find out about this. It would kill her."

Rose and I talked the entire morning. Now, that she had someone to share her secret with, she was opening up to me completely. She told me how her ex-fiancé had broken up with her because she was so sick. How she was devastated about not being able to have kids of her own. Mostly though she spoke about how guilty she felt. I tried to tell her that it wasn't necessary to feel that way. Emmett's death had been an accident. She wasn't responsible for it to happen.

I was so caught up in my conversation with Rose, that I almost didn't hear the phone starting to ring. Charlotte called me, to ask me if I could pick up Jasper from the airport. She had talked him into coming here with her but then he'd figured out that his passport was expired and he needed to get a new one before flying in.

After leaving the twins with Rosalie, who had managed to calm herself down again somewhat, I went to pick up Jasper from the airport.

My cell started ringing when I was just about to maneuver the car into the only available space in the entire airport parking lot. I parked and turned off the engine.

"Hello?" I asked into the receiver after I managed to fumble my cell out of my handbag.

"Hey, duckling, it's me."

"Hi, Edward, how's God?"

"You are impossible. I called to ask if you want to have lunch with me. I know that Bella is working at the museum the entire day."

"I'd love to, but I'm at the airport picking up a friend."

"Is it another one from Australia? Wow, your friends there must really miss you. You know what, just bring her with you."

My brother gave me some instructions how to get to the new steakhouse place he wanted us to eat at. I was always in for some juicy meat and for a petite girl like me I had a big appetite.

"You've kept me waiting a long time." Jasper greeted me, pulling me into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't find a place to park the car."

"You mean that you couldn't find a place where _you_ could park the car."

Asshole, I thought. My driving doesn't suck. I can park a car practically everywhere when I have enough space around me.

"How was your flight?" I asked, eyeing the ridiculously small suitcase Jasper had brought with him. There was a backpack too. I knew he always carried his camera equipment around in it.

"It was okay. I slept the entire time. Where is Charlotte? Did she get lost?"

"She's caught some cold. I will visit her later in her hotel. You can come with me."

"If she's sick, I'd rather stay away from her." He stated.

I nodded my head. Jasper's fear of germs was laughable. Well, maybe it wasn't so laughable considering what had happened to Rose.

When we went back to my car and I opened it, Jasper stepped between me and the driver's door.

"Let me drive."

"Why?"

"Because I feel safer when I drive myself," he told me, his mouth turning into a crooked grin.

I sighed deeply and handed the keys to him. "If it makes you happy, but stick to the speed limit. They are strict here with that."

Ten minutes later I was close to suffering a nervous breakdown. I had to remind Jasper every ten seconds to stay on the right side and not crash into the oncoming traffic.

"Give me the keys back." I mumbled. "You will not touch my car again for the rest of your stay. It's a miracle we made it here alive."

Jasper laughed. The fucker actually dared to laugh. I wanted to punch him against his ribs.

We walked inside the restaurant and as soon as Jasper visualized my brother, he whistled through his teeth.

"Oh my gosh, look, it's Father Fuck."

"Behave," I hissed. "That's my brother."

"Hello, Alice. " Edward greeted me, planting a kiss on my cheek. "Hey, Alice's friend."

I didn't know if I wanted to be friends with someone who called my brother, Father Fuck. My lips twitched into a frown. "Edward, this is Jasper. Jasper, this is my brother, Edward."

Jasper smirked, running the tip of his tongue over his bottom lip. "Should I call you Edward or Father Edward?" he asked in a too deep voice. I instantly recognized the familiar tone that Jasper always used when he was talking to a man he found halfway attractive.

Edward smiled politely. "Whatever makes you more comfortable is fine with me."

We ordered our food and I couldn't help but feel like some intruder between Jasper and my brother. If there is such a thing like the perfect first date, the two of them were having it right in front of me without even knowing. Jasper showed my brother some of the pictures on his camera and Edward suggested several places to him that were great for sunrise shootings.

I missed Bella and fumbled out my cell every two minutes to check it for a text from her. There weren't any. She was probably too busy to miss me.

"Are you waiting for something?" Edward asked me. "You seem sad somehow."

"It's nothing. Maybe I should pick Bella up from the museum when she finishes her shift."

"You are cute. She's lucky to have you."

He wiped his mouth on a napkin and excused himself to the restrooms. As soon as he was out of sight, Jasper leaned over to me.

"Your brother is so hot. You need to help me to get together with him."

"Are you fucking crazy? He's a priest. Leave him alone."

"Okay, okay. No need to get all bitchy. What's going on between you and this Bella?"

I took a big gulp from my diet coke before I spoke up again. "We're kind of together now."

"For real?"

"Yes, for real. But we've decided not to tell anyone about it yet. You're going to keep your mouth shut too, will you?"

"My lips are sealed. Wow, you and Bella. Wasn't she the one who broke your heart in the first place?"

Inside my chest my heart cramped at the painful memory but I tried to push it aside. There was no use to grieve about what had gone wrong in the past. Things happen for a reason. I needed to focus on the, what will be from now, instead of always remembering the, what could have been.

"I love her. She loves me. That's all that counts."

"You are such a romantic. Tell me, what are you planning on doing when your new job starts in a month?"

"My new job," I muttered. "I still want to start it. Do you know what an incredible chance it is to work as a writer for Volturi Fashion Press?"

He rolled his eyes at me. I remembered how Jasper had compared Aro Volturi to the Godfather of a Mafia clan. Maybe he was just regretting it that he had quitted his own job there. The payment was way better than what he was making with his free jobs now.

"Does she know?"

"Does Bella know about what?"

"That you are planning on returning to Australia. Your job is still in Sydney, isn't it?"

I cringed and coughed up a bit of coke in my throat. Jasper was right. In all my joy about getting together with Bella I had tried to push the thought away but it was a fact that I would have to return to Australia in a month. A month! That was so very little time. Now that Bella and I had finally managed to confess our true feelings a month seemed like way to little time. No amount of time would ever be long enough for me and her.

"Alice?" Jasper asked. "You need to talk about it with her. It's important."

"I know, but I don't want to." I admitted. "I don't think she likes the thought of me leaving again so soon and I feel the same way."

"I see."

Edward returned to our table and Jasper pulled out his camera to click it a few times. I hated it to get my picture taken when I had a drink and half-empty plate in front of me. But Jasper was focusing more on Edward than on me. Couldn't that man find another muse than my poor brother? It was completely inappropriate.

"Stop taking pictures."

"But you look so cute right now. Doesn't your sister look cute, Edward? Just look at that blush on her cheeks. It's like the sun has kissed them or maybe someone else has. Who knows?"

My face turned crimson. I tried to kick Jasper's shin under the table but it was my brother and not him who cried out a split-second later.

"Ouch!"

"Oh god, I'm so sorry. Edward, did I hurt you?"

"Yes. Damn it, this is going to bruise."

"I'm really sorry." I told him. "I didn't mean to kick you."

"It's okay. I'm not going to die from this. How's the new babysitter doing with the twins? Bella seems to like her a great deal."

I cringed and after a minute or so, I managed to stutter. "Rose is n-n-nice. The twins l-l-love her."

"That's great. Bella will need to have some help when you return to Sydney." Edward stated. "I mean, if you still want to return to Australia, that is."

Jasper clicked his camera again, focusing his attention fully on Edward now. I didn't really want to know what he was going to do with all those pictures.

My phone beeped, notifying a message from Bella.

**How's your day going?** She asked in it. **Mine is slow. I miss the twins. Isn't that weird? I always looked forward to getting away from them for a couple of hours and now I miss them so much. I already called Rose twice.**

There was a row with tiny hearts followed by a **I love you. PS: Angie told me she loves my outfit. I need to let you choose my outfits more often.**

I started typing a reply but deleted and rewrote the words over and over again. There was so much I wanted to tell her. So much I needed to tell her. I didn't want to keep anything from her again. All this keeping our feelings a secret was what had screwed up everything between us in the first place. Yet, now, I had a new secret I needed to keep from her…

XOXXOXXXOXXOXXO

[A/N]

Congratulations to my reader **Toxxo** – you were the first to figure out the truth about Rosalie. Now, let me know what you want your one-shot to be about. It can be any Twilight pairing you like.

On a side note – I just wanted to let you know that I won't be able to update for a couple of days. I'm sorry about that. My plan was to update every day but it's really hard to keep that up. I'm only human and my health is not very good at the moment. I need to take care of it before things get worse again.

I'll hope to see you all next week. Have a great weekend, everyone.

Hugs


	17. Chapter 17

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back, my lovely readers. I hope your weekend was good. Thanks for the reviews. They put a smile on my face.

Why is love so fucking complicated? It is stupid that I still want it in my life. Because let's face it, my chances of getting hurt again are a million times higher than my chances of getting happy. Why would anyone want to be with me anyway?

I'm sorry for rambling, but I feel pretty low at the moment and talking about things kind of helps. Ignore me, if it bothers you.

*the chapter below is from Bella's POV. I hope you'll enjoy

****17****

_Love must be as much a light, as it is a flame._

_(Henry David Thoreau)_

We were inside a bubble. Alice and I were inside some fragile bubble that could be busted any second. I tried to ignore this fact as good as I could, but it was getting difficult.

She loved me so much. I loved her. Everything was perfect. It was perfect as long as she and I would stay inside our safe little bubble.

No one would understand how we felt about each other. People would assume that I was just trying to find a way to get over my grief for Emmett. Wasn't it almost like cheating what was going on between me and Alice?

With a sigh I pulled out the tiny card from the pocket of my jacket.

_My heart will always be yours_

The words still didn't make any sense to me, no matter how often I re-read them. I couldn't help but wonder if Emmett actually had been cheating on me behind my back. It made me furious to think about that.

What difference does it make now? I asked myself, tossing the card into the trash. What happened can't be made undone. My eyes moved to the clock on the wall. Alice was out on a shopping trip with her mother. Both of them wanted to look for presents for the twin's upcoming birthday.

There was a painful tightening inside my chest when I thought that the kids would have to celebrate their second birthday without their father.

"I miss you." I whispered, letting my fingertips move very lightly over the edge of Emmett's picture that was standing on the kitchen counter.

I grabbed my handbag from the table and was just about to rush out of the door when I took a last glimpse into the mirror. Crap. Right on my throat was a dark red hickey.

A tingle went down my spine as I remembered how Alice's lips had sucked gently on the delicate skin there. It had felt amazing. The result though, the evident proof of our love making last night, that was something I didn't want others to see.

Carefully, I wrapped a green silk scarf around my neck and made sure that everything was covered up nicely.

I needed to protect my little bubble. It was all that made sense to me in a world of chaos.

When I parked the car in front of the Clearwater Beauty Spa twenty minutes later, I sighed deeply. I wanted to buy something nice for Alice. She was always bringing me flowers and little presents like cupcakes. I wanted to give something back to her.

Leah was on the phone when I walked towards the counter. On her left hip she was balancing her little daughter. Why wasn't Samara at Sue's place like usually? I had envied my friend Leah for having a mother that was so very eager to play the babysitter for her every day.

"I don't care, Seth." Leah hissed into the receiver. "It was your idea to install this stupid program on the computer. Now, try to get it to work. I don't care how. Bye."

She dropped the phone and cursed through her teeth. "Fucking idiot. God, why did I listen to him anyway? Oh, hi, Bella, sweetie. How are you? Just give me a second."

Leah put Samara down on the counter and placed a teddy bear in the girl's arms. The little one started fidgeting around almost instantly.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I should have come to visit you weeks ago, but I didn't have a day off in forever. The little Missy here is keeping me busy. Aren't you, honey?"

"Teddy wants ice-cream." The girl stated. "Please, Mommy."

"Mommy needs to work a bit more before we can go home. Why don't you draw a pretty picture for your Nana Sue?"

Pulling out a drawing block and some crayons out of a box underneath the counter, Leah sighed deeply. "I hate having the girl here. But my mother had some dentist appointment this morning and couldn't take her."

"I'm sorry about that." I told her. Being a single parent was difficult. All my life I had wanted nothing more for my own children than to have a stabile family. My parents' marriage hadn't been a very happy one. Even as a young girl I had felt the tensions between Charlie and Renee. I was the reason why they had gotten married. Maybe I just wasn't enough.

"It's okay, Bella. Now, tell me, how are you feeling? The truth, not what you think people want to hear."

"Some days are better than others." I mumbled. "I have a lot of help. That makes it easier."

"That's great. You deserve any kind of help you can get."

I took off my jacket. Why was it so warm inside the Spa? Was sweating good to lose weight or something like that?

"Try this rice milk shake. It does wonders for cellulite."

If anyone else apart from Leah would make a suggestion like this to me, I would punch said person into her stupid grinning face. But Leah is my friend. Beauty is her business and she always gives the best advices.

I took the plastic cup from her and nipped on the drink. Christ, this was gross. I coughed, spitting a bit of the miracle drink on my scarfs.

Leah laughed. "It doesn't taste very good. I'm sorry."

She grabbed a tissue and reached forward to rub the stained silk material in an attempt to save it. Her big brown eyes became even wider. That is when I realized Leah must have noticed the hickey.

"Leah, I…I…it's not like it looks like."

"It looks like a hickey to me. Why didn't you cover it up instead of wearing this ugly grandma scarf? Green is not really your color."

"I'm not very good with this whole make-up stuff. " I told her. Then I waited patiently for Leah to apply some green concealer and skin-colored powder over my throat. When she held up a mirror for me to take a look, she grinned.

"See, it's not that difficult."

"Thanks."

"Now, tell me who gave you the hickey. I'm curious."

I cringed. I can't tell Leah about Alice. She wouldn't understand it. Hell, no one would be able to understand it. This is just me and Alice against the world.

"Who is he?"

"Leah, please stop asking me. This is embarrassing."

"Don't be such a prude. You're not feeling bad about Emmett, are you? He would have wanted you to be happy."

Not like this, I thought. Not with his own cousin. God, I was so going to hell…

"Bella, come on. You can tell me. I'm good at keeping secrets."

My face turned red and after several attempts I managed to bring out the words somewhat loud enough for her to understand me. "It's not a guy."

For a minute or so, Leah was very still. Then, a grin flashed over her face. "I knew you had tendencies like that."

I don't have any tendencies. Well, maybe I have, but I don't want it to be called that way. I love Alice. She's everything I ever wanted and everything I ever thought I would never have.

"Hey, you look like you're going to cry now. What is wrong?"

"Everything!" I croaked out. "Oh, Leah, this is all so messed up."

Leah wrapped her arm around me and made me sit down on the cream-colored leather bench across the counter. "It can't be that bad. Just tell me all about it."

"You won't tell anyone?"

"My lips are sealed."

"You remember my best friend Alice?"

"The tiny chick that moved to Australia, right?"

I nodded my head. "She came here for Emmett's funeral and stayed to help me with the kids."

"And now you are together? Wow that was fast."

Nothing is fast between me and Alice. If anything, she and I are way too slow. All the time that we missed at being together…

"It's complicated. Look, I know this sounds strange but I already had feelings for her when I was still at school. I was just too scared to tell her about them."

"Let me guess. Your prudish catholic mother told you it's wrong to be gay. Honey, don't you get this religion is some bullshit? It's run by a bunch of old pedophiles that haven't moved one a single inch since the middle ages."

I wasn't in the mood to start some religious discussion with Leah. She couldn't understand my point in this. What I felt for Alice was wrong, even if it felt right to me.

It would most likely end with the damnation of my eternal soul. Sacrificing it for my love for her would be worth it, though. When all love came from God, didn't that irrevocably mean that he had also created my feelings for Alice?

My cell started ringing in my handbag, interrupting my inner struggle. It was definitely time to go to confession again. Relieving my heart would make me feel less guilty. At least that's what I hoped for.

After fishing out my cell, I told Rosalie that she could meet me at the Spa. It was close to the park, where she had taken my little monsters out for a walk.

"My Nanny is going to show up here in a few minutes." I told Leah. "Look, the reason why I came here is that I wanted to buy some nice present for Alice. Do you have anything that's not too expensive?"

"Are you trying to insult me? I would never take money for you. Do you want to book a facial for her? Or maybe a massage?"

Massage sounded good to me. But I would rather give Alice as massage myself.

"Do you have massage oils for sell too?"

Leah nodded. Then she pulled out a beautiful glass bottle filled with a light brown oil in it.

"It smells of orange blossoms. Have fun."

"How much is the bottle?"

"I don't take money from friends."

I stuffed the bottle with the massage oil into my handbag. "Thanks, Leah."

"You're welcome."

"I don't know how to stop feeling guilty. I love Alice. But things are so complicated."

"Maybe you should just try to be happy. You deserve it, especially after losing Emmett."

"Mommy!" Julie called out, rushing towards me. I wrapped my arms around her.

"Hey, sweetie, was it nice in the park?"

"They try to put anything in their mouths as soon as you turn your back on them for a second." Rose stated. "Em. J. tried to eat sand today."

"What? Oh, honey, you can't do that."

I stroked over the hair on my son's head. It felt like there was some sand in the dark curls. I bet Julie had thrown some of it over him. My little angel was a feisty girl.

Rosalie turned around and read through one of the leaflets that were lying on the counter.

"They are doing laser treatments here too?"

"Leah?"

She looked up from her laptop, a small smile appearing on her face. "We offer all kinds of beauty treatments here. Not that you look as if you need to get any more beautiful than you already are."

Rosalie's cheeks turned crimson. I couldn't believe that such a pretty woman like her would react like this to a compliment. People must tell her she was beautiful all the time, right?

"It's for some scar removal." Rosalie whispered, sounding embarrassed.

"Oh, I see. Let me see if I can switch in an appointment for you this week."

Leah clicked around with her mouse, instantly cursing about the stupid new computer program her brother had talked her into buying.

"Damn it. This program is some bullshit. Where are all my appointments for wednesday gone?"

"Can I take a look?" Rose asked her. "I'm good with computers."

A minute later, both, me and Leah watched fascinated how Rosalie quickly typed some kind of hieroglyphic codes into Leah's laptop.

"See, I'm already done. Here are all your appointments. If you click here, you can sort them by time and here by treatment."

"What…how? Oh, my god, you are an angel!" Leah called out.

Rosalie is an angel. She's my angel. That woman must have a heart of gold that she agreed to working as a Nanny for my lively twins when she could probably make ten times the money using her computer skills.

"I didn't know you were that good with IT stuff." I stated, trying to end a fight between Julie and Leah's daughter. The two of them were fighting over Samara's teddy bear. Why did Julie always want to have the same toy another kid was playing with?

"I had a lot of free time, while I was sick." Rose mumbled. "That's when I learned all this computer stuff. It's not really that impressive."

"It is impressive enough to me." Leah told her. "Well, it seems like my only free appointment for laser therapy is this afternoon. Would that be okay?"

Rosalie shook her head. "I'm supposed to watch the twins."

Before I could manage to tell Rose that it's perfectly fine if she leaves the kids with me and Alice, Leah suggested that Seth and Sue could watch the twins together with Samara.

Even better I thought. This was going to mean some alone time for me and Alice. She and I could need all of it that we could get. My heartbeat started quickening when I imagined applying the massage oil all over Alice's dainty curves. Oh yes, I couldn't wait to be alone with her this afternoon…


	18. Chapter 18

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N]

Welcome back, my dear readers. Thanks for taking the time to read my stories. Without you I wouldn't be here.

I still believe that love is too complicated. It is much easier in fiction, maybe because in fiction you can always be sure to get a HEA. I really want to have someone in my life that holds my hand when a sad movie is on…

Now, on with the update, I hope you'll enjoy a bit more of Bella's POV. Let me know.

FAQ's

Will Rose and Leah be a couple in this story?

Yes, they'll probably end up together because I really like that pairing.

****18****

_The best reason for having dreams is that in dreams no reasons are necessary._

_(Ashleigh Brilliant)_

Her skin was so incredibly soft. It felt like smooth silk against my hand as I applied a bit more of the oil over her back. I circled my fingertips down her spine. A soft moan, almost like a purr escaped Alice's mouth and I smiled to myself. She was enjoying my massage.

"Is this good?" I asked her, running my thumbs over the muscles in her lower back and back up her sides again.

I remembered how she had once managed to get a cramp in her thigh during a volleyball game in school. The couch, knowing that I wasn't of any use for my team anyway, had sent me to the locker room with Alice. She had made such a scene when I wanted to help her by massaging the tensed muscles in her leg. Then finally, probably because she was in pain, she agreed to let me help her stretch her leg.

Even after all these years, I could still memorize the feeling of heat spreading throughout my body when my fingers touched the inside of her thigh, just a few ridiculous inches away from her shorts.

"Hmm," Alice hummed, bringing me back to the presence again. This was what I needed to focus on. She sure wasn't going to stop me from touching her now. I was in heaven.

"The smell is great too. Where did you buy that?"

"It was a present." I tell Alice, noticing her tensing up a moment later. Shit, does she think I got that massage oil from Emmett?

Tenderly, I stroked my hands smoothly down her back again, brushing the sides of her breasts very lightly. "Leah gave it to me. It's with orange blossoms. Doesn't it smell incredible?"

I held my oily fingers underneath Alice's nose. "I thought you would like this."

"You bought the oil for me?"

"Well, it was kind of a selfish present." I told her. "I enjoy touching you so much and this massage oil gives me a possibility to do it."

Alice sighed and leaned back against me. The oil would stain the fabric of my clothes. I quickly pulled the shirt over my head and wrapped my arms around Alice's smaller body. She was so thin. I felt like a whale compared to her. Crap, I really needed to cut down with the carbs some more. Eating less carbs would help me lose some weight, wouldn't it?

"Can I ask you something?" I asked her, letting my fingers circle over her perfectly flat abdomen.

"About what?"

"Have you been with many women before?" As soon as the words had left my mouth, I already wished to be able take them back. But I had always been a too curious person. It was obvious to me that Alice must have had some kind of experiences. Maybe even with this awful Charlotte woman.

"Bella, I…" Alice started hesitantly. She cleared her throat and turned her head around to look at me. "I don't want to talk about others. I'm here with you now. And I never liked anyone as much as I like you."

Closing my eyes, I lowered my mouth to hers, enjoying the tingles running through my veins as the tip of her tongue pushed between my lips. Kissing Alice was simple. It was easy. I loved the way it felt so perfectly normal to me. I had been born to kiss her.

Alice's fingers searched for the clasp of my bra, tossing it down to the carpet a few moments later. Then she reached for the bottle with the massage oil and trickled a bit of it between her palms.

Her hands were warm when she cupped my breasts in them and when she tugged gently on their sensitive tips the heat inside me got even warmer.

"Such beautiful breasts," Alice stated. "I don't want to stop touching them."

"Then, don't." I whispered. My face turned red like that of a stupid teenager with a major crush.

During my sexual experiences with Emmett, I had never thought much about my boobs being an erogenous zone. Sure, he had liked them a great deal. But I had always felt like that all they were was a little distraction on the way to where the real action was going to take place. I never liked the squeezing, though. What was it with guys squeezing a woman's breasts like they were some kind of lifeless balloon without nerves?

Alice's touch was so very different. Her hands were small and her touch was gentle, never using too much pressure as she massaged the soft flesh. After the pregnancy and all the weight I had gained their previous b-cup size had grown into a full d-cup. I still wasn't sure how I felt about my enlarged chest. Somehow it made me feel uncomfortable.

I could feel my clit beginning to pulse with arousal between my thighs as Alice rolled my nipples between two fingertips. I was wet. Before Alice, I had never managed to get this wet without using some kind of artificial lubrication for help. With Alice it was as if sometimes all she had to do was look at me and my dirty mind would be able to instantly come up with a fantasy that would manage to soak my underwear within seconds.

I wanted her so much. I would never get enough of her. Of the way her mouth felt against mine, the scent of her skin right between her breasts. The sounds she made when you pleasured her were not from this earth. I loved it.

Tossing the few remaining items of our clothing down from the bed, we cuddled against each other. I could have just held her like this for hours. I loved to hold her in my arms, without anything separating our bodies.

"Am I enough for you?" Alice asked me, breaking the pleasant silence between us.

"You are more than enough." I stated. "You are everything."

I moved my hands down her breasts, feeling their tips instantly react to my caress. She moaned deep in her throat when I rubbed my thumb over the pink buds.

After a while I lowered my fingers to her bare sex, spreading her outer lips open to stroke her gently. She was slick and warm. I remembered the amazing feeling of Alice's tongue against my clit. I wanted to make her feel that way too.

Taking a deep breathe I lowered my head between my lover's thighs. I could do this. I would do this. Hesitantly I swiped my tongue up her slit and flattered it over her clit. Was I doing this right?

"Bella, you…you don't have…you don't have to do this."

Shit, did that mean, I was bad at it?

"Am I doing it wrong?"

She sighed, fisting her hands into my hair to make me look up to her. "No, you're not. It feels good, more than good."

"Then why do you want me to stop?" I asked, circling my middle finger over her clit. "Don't you like having my mouth here?" My fingers moved lower, pushing knuckle-deep into her tight pussy. "Or here?"

"Yes…Bella…fuck."

I lowered my mouth again. The taste was like nothing I could have words to. I had tasted myself before, out of some weird curiosity. But it had never been that much as I tasted of Alice now. She was so wet. Her clit throbbed against the tip of my tongue. Then I felt her trembling. I could feel her beginning to come even before the words left her mouth.

"Oh God, I'm going to…I'm going to…oh my fucking God."

Alice was so beautiful when she climaxed. It was as if she always let down some kind of inner shield. This was when she was her strongest and yet her weakest, both at the same time.

I hesitated when Alice, still breathless from her climax kissed my mouth. Wasn't that strange for her to taste so much of herself on my lips?

"You didn't need to do that." she repeated again. "Do you know that?"

"I got the impression that you enjoyed this a great deal. You are going down on me too. So, why shouldn't I do the same for you?"

"It's different."

"How?"

"Can you ever stop with the questioning?"

No, why would I?

Alice pressed her lips against my collarbone, sucking gently on the pale skin there. It was a good thing that Leah had given me some more of this concealer stuff to cover up my hickeys.

"It took me two bottles of wine before I dared to go down on another woman for the first time." she admitted, resting her head on my abdomen. "I didn't even have to ask you for it."

"Can it be my turn now?"

"Your turn for what?" Alice asked me while her hand moved up the inside of my left thigh. "Tell me."

My beautiful girlfriend had a strange preference for some naughty talking. It really seemed to get her off somehow.

"Lick me…oh, please, honey, let me feel your tongue. I want you so much." I whispered into her ear.

The velvety touch of her tongue on my swollen clit was heaven. For a few seconds I tried to memorize the exact movement of her caresses. Alice groaned against my sex and started to thrust two of her delicate fingers inside of me. It had always taken me forever to get even close to some kind of pre-orgasmic state.

With Alice it was so easy. She knew just how to touch me the way I wanted to be touched. My orgasm made my body shudder. It went on and on, making my eyes fill up with tears. Why was it that I always had to cry during this?

"You always cry when you come." Alice stated, kissing her way up my upper body. She snuggled against my side and wrapped her arms around me. "This is because you finally let go when it happens."

"Maybe you're right about that." I told her, kissing her naked shoulder. The skin was still a bit oily. Her natural scent had mixed up with the orange blossom aroma of the oil. It smelled so good, I wanted to absorb as much of it as possible.

The unexpected slamming of the door downstairs, followed by Jake's loud barking made me jump from the bed. Was Rose already back from picking up the twins again from Sue's?

"Bella? Bella, are you home, girl?"

Damn it. How could I have forgotten that Siobhan was going to fly here today? Why did that woman have a key anyway? Emmett must have given her one.

"Bella?"

"I'm coming!" I called, quickly grabbing my clothes from the floor. I planted a kiss on Alice's mouth. It was as if we were sealing our little secret with each other with it.

"There's my daughter in law." Siobhan greeted me when I walked down the stairs a minute later. "Are you sick? Why are you wearing a scarf?"

"Just some throat infection." I mumbled, starring down at my feet. Lying to people had never been an easy thing for me to do.

"Where are the twins? I've been looking forward to see them."

"Their Nanny will bring them back soon. You will like her. She's such a nice person."

Siobhan sighed and kicked off her heels before she sat down at the edge of my couch. "Well, she better be nice for the money I'm paying her."

"I'm sorry." I croaked. "Once I start having a regular income, I will be able to handle things without your help."

"Nonsense," Siobhan stated. "The kids are Emmett's children. I would give more for them if I could."

Her eyes filled with tears. "Oh, my poor boy. How could God take you away from me?"

"Aunt Siobhan." Alice greeted her aunt, rushing downstairs. "I didn't know you'd be coming today."

"Well, I planned to fly in on Saturday, but the airline had some special offer if I'd take the flight today."

"Fantastic. Where are you staying?" Alice said in a voice that didn't sound like she liked her aunt being here that much.

"Here, where else?"

"Of course," I stated. "But you'd have to share the guestroom with Alice."

"I'm an old woman who needs some space. Despite, don't you know that my cute little niece here snores just horrible?"

"I don't snore."

"Oh Alice, you do. Even when you were a little child you used to snore so badly, it was unbearable. You got that from your Daddy."

"Dad doesn't snore and neither do I."

"I wasn't talking about your stepfather, Aly. Anyway, I'd like to take a little nap now. Flying always makes me tired."

I went upstairs with her and changed the bedding in the guestroom.

"Alice can stay with me while you are here." I told Siobhan. "I'm sure she wouldn't mind."

"The girl could just sleep at her mother's house."

"Yeah, sure, I guess, she could." I murmured, walking out of the room again.

Downstairs, Alice was flipping through a magazine. She had a marker in her hand and half of the printed text was colored in yellow now.

"Found something interesting to read?"

"I'm just trying to learn from other people's mistake. If I'd done this article, I would have…well, forget it. This is probably boring for you."

"It's not." I assured her. "You've been dreaming about being a fashion journalist since we were in second grade."

"I don't think it was that early."

"Okay, maybe it was third grade instead of the second one."

I cleared my throat. "I'm sorry that you have to waste all your talent with assistant jobs. You are too smart for that."

For a moment Alice seemed to think very hard. Then she told me that her boss had offered her a job as writer.

"Wow, that's great."

A frown appeared on her pretty face. "I don't know if I still want it, though."

"Because of me? I mean, because of us?"

She nodded. Shit, this wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to be with Alice but I didn't want her to give up her dreams for me. Writing about fashion was something she had wanted to do since I remembered. Even as a little girl, she had cut out pictures in old Vogue magazines and scrawled notes all over her notebook about them.

There was a selfish part of me and I wasn't quite sure how dominant that part could be, that wanted me to tell her to give up the job offer. But there was no way I could be able to handle the guilt. I couldn't be the one to destroy her dreams. I wouldn't be able to live with it.

"You should take the job. It's a great offer." I said, trying to make my voice sound hard although I felt close to crying.

"Don't you want us to be together?"

"I don't want to be the one holding you back." I stated, standing up from the couch. I whistled through my teeth, making the dog rise from his pillow. I needed to get away from Alice now. If I stayed next to her for just one more minute, I would fall to my knees and beg her to stay. I wanted her to stay with me for the rest of her life. Australia…it was so fucking far away from here. I wasn't going to survive this.

Outside on the porch, I pressed my face against the fur on Jake's neck and cried. I sobbed silently until I had no more tears left. That's when I went back inside, my lips turned into a hopefully not too fake looking smile.

"We can do this." I assured Alice, hugging her tightly. "Somehow we make this work."

I couldn't do more than hope that my words would somehow come true.


	19. Chapter 19

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back, my dear readers. Thanks for the reviews and all your encouraging support. I cherish all of you so much and wished I could give you a hug.

On a side-note, and this has nothing to do with fan-fiction. Could those of you who believe in praying do me a huge favor and send some prayers out for my sick aunt? She's going to have brain surgery and things don't look good. So, we could really need some prayers for her. Thank you.

****19****

_It's not flesh and blood but the heart that makes us fathers and sons_

_(Johann Schiller)_

Today was going to be a difficult day for Bella. Since the early hours of the morning she had been fidgeting around in the kitchen, cooking and baking until the entire house was filled with a million different delicious aromas. She was trying to make this birthday as nice for the twins as possible.

I knew that I wasn't going to be of much help for Bella in the kitchen anyway, so instead I threw myself into decorating the living room. The dog tried to destroy a few of the light blue and pink balloons. I had placed several around on the floor and even on the table.

"Wow, this looks pretty." Bella stated, sticking her head out of the kitchen door. "You should start a party service." She suggested.

"I don't think I'd like that too much." I told her, folding another set of napkins. Soon my parents and my aunt would come here. I had spent the night in Bella's room with her, holding her in my arms. Both of us had cried. Why had she told me to take the job in Sydney? Did that mean she wasn't sure about us? I wanted that writer's job so badly. It was my dream coming true. But I also wanted to be with Bella. I loved her. The thought of being separated from her made my heart bleed. I wished I could ask Jane if she would give me more time off. It was impossible though and I knew it.

The front door opened. God, I really hated that everyone seemed to have a key to this house. My aunt carried a huge gift box with red ribbons around it into the living room and placed it on the couch.

Then my parents and Edward followed with more presents. Little Julie squeaked. I was pretty sure that the twins were too young to understand it was their birthday today. But they sure had lot of fun ripping the presents open. Em. J. screamed when Julie took a little plastic helicopter from him.

"No fighting today." Bella stated, pulling her son on her lap. She kissed his forehead and sighed, when the boy snuggled against her chest.

"You are turning him into a girl." Aunt Siobhan told Bella, sounding reproachfully. "You need to be stricter."

"I think that Bella is doing great with the kids." Mom said, holding a pink balloon up so that Julie could use it like some kind of punching ball. "The twins are a handful."

"That they are." I mumbled, reaching down my hand to stroke over the dog's head. I had gotten used to him. He was ugly and smelled bad, but he had a way to love you so unconditionally it was amazing.

"Well, then." My aunt said. "I bet you are glad to be off to Sydney again in a few weeks."

I dropped the glass of lemonade I was holding, splashing the pink liquid over my white skirt. Crap!

My hands trembled when I tried to wipe it off. I was close to crying. Not because of my ruined outfit. I just didn't want to be reminded of my upcoming departure.

"I'll change into something else." I whispered, rushing up the stairs. In the guestroom, I collapsed in front of the open Closet. I cried, wishing that I could call Charlotte now. After she had recovered from her cold, she had talked Jasper into going to a weekend trip to New York. I missed her. I missed her telling me to stop crying and fight for what I wanted.

I wiped my running nose at the back of my hand. Get your grip together, Cullen, I scolded myself.

"Are you okay?" Bella asked, entering the room. "You've been up here for almost ten minutes now."

"I'm fine." I croaked. "I'm just so sad because…because I really liked that skirt. It's from Versace."

She laughed and wrapped her arms around me from behind. "I'll get you a new one. Well, I could get you a new one that looks a bit similar but doesn't cost a fortune."

I turned my head to her and kissed the tip of her nose. "You are cute."

"I just love you and want you to be happy."

If you love me why do you want me to move to the other side of the world then? Another row of tears trickled down my cheeks, smearing my eye-makeup.

"No one cries about a ruined piece of clothing like you do." Bella whispered, pulling me a bit closer against her body. "Maybe I can kiss it better."

Our lips touched. Her mouth tasted sweet, a bit like the cherry pie she had made earlier. I bet half of the filling had ended up in her stomach. My girl was such a sweet tooth.

"What in heaven's name is going on here?"

Bella and I jumped apart. Like everyone who has got caught doing something forbidden, I felt the need to come up with a creative excuse. There wasn't any.

"Siobhan, it's not like it looks like." Bella said, her face turning crimson red. "I was just trying to...trying to…,"

"I don't care! How can you do this to my poor son? You and she are nothing but godless whores! Both of you are going to hell!"

My aunt's voice got louder and shriller with every word she yelled. There was no way the other's wouldn't be able to hear her. Damn it, Bella and I were screwed.

"What is going on here?" Mom asked, entering the guestroom together with my brother.

"I'm sure it's nothing, mother." Edward said. "We should all try to calm down a bit."

"I can't calm down!" Siobhan screeched. "Your sister is the most profane person under the sun."

"Honey, what happened? Why is your aunt so agitated?" Mom asked with huge eyes. She hated ugly scenes like this. Just like myself my mother was a sucker for harmony.

"They were kissing! They were actually kissing each other! Under my late son's roof! God, I'm going to get a heart attack."

Edward made our aunt sit down at the edge of the bed. My eyes were burning from the smeared mascara in them. Everything was so fucked up.

"We should all try to calm down before we talk about this." Edward said in a low voice.

"What is there to talk about?" My aunt yelled. "God, I'm not going to stay inside this house for one more minute. Oh and about the money for the Nanny, Isabella Marie. Don't expect one single dime from me in the future!"

Mom tried to wrap her arm around her sister's shoulder but Siobhan pushed her away again. "This is your fault, Esme. Mother like daughter or how they say. She's just as much a whore as you were one."

"Aunt Siobhan, it's enough now." Edward said. "Don't say anything you are going to regret later."

She snarled, grabbing her suitcase from underneath the bed. "You're a good boy, Edward. But not even you could save the corrupted souls of your sister and mother. They are going to hell and that's where they belong!"

With that she stormed downstairs, almost making my father who was carrying Julie in his arms fall down.

I sat down at the stairs and buried my face in my hands. Now, I had ruined my family. Even worse, now my mother knew that I had kissed Bella. I wanted to turn invisible so very badly.

"Hey, duckling, it's not that bad." Dad murmured, pulling me into a tight hug. "Your aunt always had some temper issues."

"It is bad." I sobbed. "She caught me and Bella kissing each other."

For a minute or so he was silent. I was sure he wasn't going to start yelling at me. But I knew how my father thought about homosexuals. Our faith wasn't very tolerant when it came to things like this.

"I take the twins out in the garden." Mom muttered. Her voice was tear-choked. "Bella, you can come with me. You and I need to have a talk."

I sobbed loudly. My life was fucked up. My parents were going to hate me forever now.

"Hush, please try to calm down, sweetie. I hate to see you cry."

"Carlisle is right." Edward stated, handing me a tissue. "Nothing is as bad as it looks like."

"But I love Bella. I have always loved her. I want to be with her and live with her."

Dad sighed. Then he took a second tissue from my brother and held it under my nose. "Blow like a good girl. Yes, like this."

He wiped around on my face, probably to get the dark trails of mascara from my cheeks.

"Maybe you should just wash your face later."

"Yes, Dad." I murmured. "I'm so sorry about everything."

"Edward, can you bring me something to drink from the kitchen for your sister?"

"Sure, Carlisle." Edward said. For the thousandth time I couldn't help but wonder why my brother, even after all these years, refused to call Dad by anything than his given name. Maybe it was because Edward still remembered our birth father.

"Do you hate me?"

"For what?"

"Because I love a girl,"

Dad sighed. He took my hand in his and squeezed it carefully. "I know that it's impossible to choose the person you love. You need to do what your heart tells you to do."

"I really love Bella a lot. She makes me feel complete."

"Well, if you love her so much, the only question that is left should be, whether she returns your feelings or not."

I nodded my head and slowly stood up from the stairs again. Edward placed a glass with ice water in my hands.

"Drink up. I know you're always thirsty when you cried." My brother instructed.

Carefully, I nipped on the cold drink. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

I took small sips, one after the other until the glass was finally empty.

"Why did aunt Siobhan call Mom a whore?"

Edward cringed and pinched the bridge of his nose before he spoke up again. "She was just angry."

"At me, yes, I understand that. But why was she mad at Mom?"

My brother hugged me. "Don't worry about that. Like I said, she was just angry."

I went upstairs and headed to the bathroom. My face looked awful. I was white like chalk with swollen, red-rimmed eyes.

_You are going to hell._

Aunt Siobhan's words echoed in my head. I splashed some cold water into my face and rinsed a towel under the faucet to wipe away the black panda eyes.

It didn't work and I searched through the shelf for some make-up remover. A knock on the door stopped my attempts at cleaning my face.

"Alice, can I come in?" Bella's light voice asked through the closed door. I opened it, finding myself pulled into a tight hug from Bella a moment later.

"I'm sorry. God, Alice, I'm so sorry. I didn't want people to find out like this."

Neither, did I, I thought, applying a bit of make-up remover on a piece of cotton.

"Let me help you." Bella murmured, kneeling down in front of me. "Close your eyes."

Very gently she moved the cotton ball over my eyelids and my cheekbone. "I hate to see you crying. It breaks my heart."

"Do you think we're really going to hell?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe, there isn't a hell. Emmett said all of this was made-up bullshit."

"I bet he would hate me. He would hate the way I feel about you."

"Emmett is not here now. We are. At least, we are for now." The sadness in Bella's voice was unmistakable. "God, I don't know what to do when you move back to Australia."

I leaned my head against her shoulder. "I don't want to leave you behind. Not after you are finally mine now."

Bella straightened her back. "But you have to go. I would always feel guilty if you would miss such a big chance because of me."

Oh, Bella, I thought. Can't you see, that I being with you is the only chance in my life I ever wished for?


	20. Chapter 20

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome to a brand new chapter for you, my dear readers. Thanks for all your support and prayers. I appreciate them more than I can tell you.

****20****

_Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It happens every day._

_(Albert Camus)_

The truth was out now. I waited for a feeling of relief to spread over me. It didn't happen. My parents' reaction to the news that Bella and I were actually a couple now was way better than I had imagined it to ever be like.

I had a long conversation with Mom and Dad. Yes, they didn't like the fact that I was in love with another woman. It wasn't something our faith approved off. Yet, both of them had assured me over and over again, how they wanted nothing more than my happiness.

"You are tensed." Bella stated, kneading the muscles in my neck. My head was throbbing. I was so agitated that I couldn't even cry.

"It's nothing." I mumbled, leaning back against her on the couch. "Can you just hold me for a while?"

"I will always hold you." she whispered, wrapping her arms a bit tighter around me. "When are the others going to come here?"

I had invited Charlotte and Jasper over for dinner tonight. It was important to me that Bella would get along with my friends. This ridiculous jealousy she felt towards Charlotte needed to stop. There was only one woman in my heart and her name was Bella.

"Soon,"

"Too bad." Bella muttered. "I'd like to be alone with you."

I sighed. "Just because you can't stand Charlotte."

"That woman is trying to get inside your pants again. I can sense it."

Oh Bella, please. Couldn't she see that the only woman I would ever want to be with was she and nobody else?

"Don't be jealous." I told Bella. "Charlotte is a friend. She'll never be more than a friend."

Bella didn't respond anything to that. She wasn't convinced. I could feel it.

The dog barked loudly when the front door opened and Rosalie and the kids walked in. I practically jumped from Bella's lap. Damn it, she almost caught us.

"Hi, Rose."

"Hey, you two, how's it going?"

"Okay, I guess." Bella stated. She cleared her throat and sighed deeply. "Look, Rose, there is something I need to tell you."

"I'll just take the twins upstairs to wash their hands. Then I'll be right back. Come with me, sweeties."

When Rose returned a few minutes later, Bella told her that she wouldn't be able to pay for her Nanny services anymore.

"Have I done something wrong?" Rose asked, her voice trembling a bit as she spoke. "Why do you want to fire me?"

"I don't want to." Bella said, cutting some cucumber for the salad we were making. "It's a question of money. Money I don't have."

Rose nibbled on her lower lip. She looked as if she was going to start crying any second. "I thought your mother in law was paying for the twin's nanny."

"She changed her opinion. Look, Rose, I really like you. You are great with the kids, but I can't pay you anymore."

"Why did your mother –in-law change her mind? Is she moving here to help you with the twins?"

"Hell, no!" Bella exclaimed. She hissed through her teeth when she accidentally cut her thumb. Tiny droplets of blood trickled down her hand.

"You need a band aid." Rose stated, pulling the first aid kit out of the cupboards. "Do you want dinosaurs or kittens?"

"Kitties." Julie squeaked, pulling on Rosalie's shirt. "Mommy wants kitties."

"Do you want to blow a kiss over it for your Mommy? It will make it heal faster."

Rose lifted Julie up and kept the girl on her lap while she quickly applied a colorful band aid on my girlfriend's thumb.

"You'll live."

"Thanks, Rose. Alice, can you cut the rest of the salad stuff?"

I nodded my head. The feeling of guilt made my stomach hurt. It was my fault that Bella didn't have money for a babysitter now. My aunt was never going to speak to me again. It was no wonder that Siobhan hated me for what I had done.

"I don't think this is very fair from your mother in law. The kids are her grandchildren. Shouldn't she want them to have a babysitter while their mother is working?"

"It's complicated, Rose."

"How so?"

Bella went over to the fridge and pulled a box of chocolate milk out to lift it to her lips. After taking several gulps, she spoke up again.

"Siobhan is mad at me. I understand why. If I were in her place, I would probably react in a similar way."

Rose swallowed hard. "Please, don't fire me. I love the kids."

The doorbell started ringing and I went to open the door for Charlotte and Jasper. The situation was so fucked up. Maybe it was better through that Rose wasn't going to watch the twins anymore. I hated lying to Bella more than anything. We had promised each other that we wouldn't keep things from the other one.

"Hi, pretty thing." Charlotte greeted me, pulling me into a tight hug. "You look lovely."

"She looks like a woman who hasn't just spent 400 bucks on shoes and handbags."

"Keep your mouth shut, Jazz." Charlotte told him. "Can we come in?"

"Yeah, sure," I mumbled. "What do you want to drink?"

"Do you have wine?" Jasper asked. "Wine sounds good to me."

"I think so. Just take a seat on the couch and make yourself feel at home."

I rushed into the kitchen where Bella was holding a crying Rosalie in her arms. The scene made my heart cramp in my chest. "Rose, we're sorry."

"Can I still visit the twins?" Rose croaked, wiping her running nose on a crumpled tissue.

"Of course, you can still visit them." Bella assured her. "I wish I could pay you to continue working for me, but it's not possible."

I pulled out two glasses and filled them with white wine. "Charlotte and Jasper are here."

"Good," Bella mumbled. "Hey, Rose, would you like to stay for dinner?"

The tall blonde woman nodded her head. "I'd love to."

Minutes later, I was trying to simultaneously feed Julie mashed potatoes while I was nibbling on my salad.

"Congratulations." Jasper cheered, lifting up his glass. "I can't believe you finally came out to your parents, Aly."

Rosalie's fork made a loud noise when she dropped it on her plate. Crap. Maybe I should have told her I was gay. It was really awkward when people found out about it like this.

"Aly?" Charlotte asked, placing her hand on my forearm. "Are you alright, sweetie?"

"Stop touching her." Bella hissed. "I don't like that."

Rosalie laughed. "Are you jealous? Because Aly has a girlfriend?"

"She's not her fucking girlfriend." Bella ranted. "I don't exactly know what Charlotte thinks she is but she's not Aly's girlfriend."

Charlotte exhaled loudly and lifted her wine to her lips. "Aly, you need to tell Bella to relax. She's getting a bit too agitated for my liking."

I sighed and reached my hand out to Bella who was sitting on my left side. "Please, stop being jealous. Charlotte is just a friend. I don't like her like _that_."

Slowly I leaned over and pressed my lips against Bella's crimson colored cheek. "I only want you."

"Are you two together?" Rosalie asked, her voice getting a bit higher as she spoke. "Like a couple? Is this why you would fire me?"

Both, I and Bella shook our heads. "It's really about the money thing. Well, but us being together is kind of the reason why Bella doesn't have money to pay you anymore."

Rose lifted Em.J. on her lap and feed a tiny piece of cooked carrot to the boy. He spit it out a moment later.

"Don't spit your food. Gentlemen don't do that. " she scolded him. Then she turned to me and Bella. "I don't have a problem with you being a couple. Love is love."

"Hear, hear." Jasper mumbled, stuffing a bit of mashed potatoes between his lips. "Why don't you have enough money for a nanny? Aren't the Vulturi fuckers paying you enough?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Maybe I won't take the job. Bella and the kids need me."

"Are you fucking crazy?" Charlotte asked. "How can you even think about giving up that offer? This is a one-time chance."

Charlotte's eyes narrowed. "Congratulations, Bella. After breaking her heart and making her feel miserable for god knows how long, you've now also managed to fuck up her career."

"Charlotte, baby, breathe." Jasper told my best friend. "If Aly doesn't want to work for those bastards anymore, it's—"

"It sure as hell, is not okay, Whitlock. Aly is going to give up the greatest chance of her life for being with Bella."

"I told her to take the job." Bella pressed out. "I don't want Alice to go to Sydney. It breaks my heart to know she's going to be that far away in a few weeks. But I still told her to go. That is what people do for the ones they love." Tears trickled down her face now. "Sometimes loving someone means to let go."

With that she rushed off, slamming the doors upstairs behind her with a loud bang. I was frozen, completely unable to move. Bella didn't want me to go back to Australia. She only wanted me to go because she thought it to be the best for me.

"I'll go and check on her." Rosalie whispered. "Jasper, can you take Em.J.?"

She put the little one on Jasper's lap and went after Bella.

"Crap," Charlotte muttered. "Aly, I'm really sorry."

"Crap," Julie squeaked, repeating the word a second time. "Crap."

"Don't say that, sweetie. It's an ugly word."

"Crap."

"Julie," I warned her. "Be a good girl. Will you?"

I took a sip from my drink and cleared my throat. "Charlotte, you are going to apologize to Bella."

"I will. I promise. Look, Aly, I was just trying to watch out for you."

"I know." I told her. "But Bella is important to me. You are important to me. I want you to get along."

"You can't get along with Charlotte." Jasper stated. "She's the most thick-headed person on earth."

Charlotte smacked her future brother-in-law against the head. "You are impossible."

The doorbell stopped me from going after Bella and Rosalie. Maybe it was better to give her a couple of more minutes to calm down. She and I really needed to discuss my upcoming departure. Why couldn't I just take her and the kids with me to Sydney? No, I couldn't do that. It would be too much to ask of her.

"Hi, duckling" my brother greeted me, waving his hand at me. "I just wanted to see if you and Bella are doing okay after the drama with aunt Siobhan."

"We're good." I stated. "Do you want to come in and eat something? We've made enough steaks to feed an army."

I rolled my eyes when I saw how Jasper instantly sat up a bit straighter as soon as he saw Edward.

"Good evening, _Father _Edward."

"I've already told you, Edward is fine. You're not even a Catholic, right?"

"I believe in free love. So, I guess the answer is no."

Edward's mouth twitched nervously. "Love is a gift from God. Maybe you should consider that for the future. Oh, these steaks look good. I think I'll have two."

I filled a plate for him and tried to push the dog away when Jake rubbed his head against my leg.

"The dog seems to be hungry too." Charlotte stated. "Can I give him a bit from my steak?"

"No way," I told her. "Jake needs to learn that human food is off limits for him."

"Jake," little Julie called. Then she lowered her fist and let the dog lick a bit of carrots from her palm. "Sit, Jake."

"Honey, you can't feed him your food."

"No carrots. Yucky."

Which child in the world likes vegetables? I tried to remember what kind of food I had liked as a kid.

"So, Edward. " Jasper purred sweetly. "Your sister told me that you're still living at your parents' house. Aren't priests allowed to have their own place?"

"The money I'm saving instead of renting a house of my own goes to an orphanage in Tijuana."

I had never thought much about why my brother had never developed an interest in leaving our parents' house. Edward liked being home. It was just who he was.

"I think this is great." I told my brother, giving his hand a gentle tug. "Maybe you should consider doing something good as well, Jasper."

"I give money to an organization that helps people with HIV. Your church is not too fond of the use of condoms, right?"

"Jasper," I hissed. "Just shove it."

"Aly, it's fine." Edward said. "I don't mind people being critical."

"So, don't you?" Jasper purred. "Should I be a bit more critical with you, Edward? I don't even know you."

"Leave him alone." I snarled. "Edward, I'm sorry, he's being a jerk."

"Aly, it's ok." My brother assured me.

"See, he doesn't mind. Tell me, Edward, why would a handsome piece of man like you end up as a priest?"

"I want to help people."

"I don't think that priests actually help anyone." Charlotte said. "It's more like they tell others what they are doing wrong."

"That's not what it is about." Edward stated. "I'm trying to be supportive for the people in my community."

"Hmm, if you say so," Charlotte mumbled. "Look, Aly, I want to thank you for having your Dad take a look at me before Jazz and I went to New York. I loved that cherry flavored cough syrup he prescribed me. It was delicious."

"I tell him you liked it."

"Carlisle is a good doctor." Edward said.

"Carlisle is your stepfather, right?" Jasper asked. "What happened to your real father?"

"He died." I said. "We don't remember him. I was only two."

"What about you?" Jasper asked my brother, letting the tip of his thumb swirl over the edge of his glass. "Do you remember your birth father?"

Edward wiped his mouth on a napkin. "I don't remember anything about him."

"How old were you when he died?"

"Seven."

"When you were seven you should remember some things,"

My brother's hand trembled. It was only for a moment until he managed to get it to stop. "I don't remember. What would it matter anyway?"

He stood up from his chair and planted a kiss on my forehead. "I'll have to leave now."

"Yeah, we should go too. You need to talk to Bella." Charlotte stated. "Tell her, I didn't mean it. Will you?"

I hugged all three of them. Then I lifted Julie and Em.J. up and carried the twins upstairs.

Bella was sitting on the edge of the bed in the guestroom with Rosalie next to her.

"They are gone now." I told them. "Bella, Charlotte is sorry. She didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know." Bella sniffed, wiping her running nose. "That's what Rose has been telling me too."

Rose took Em.J's little hand in hers and tugged it gently. "Come with me, twins. Your Mommies need some alone time. We're going to play a bit in the garden with the dog."

When Rosalie walked down the stairs, I wrapped my arms around Bella and pulled her close to my chest.

"I'm sorry you cried."

"Charlotte is right with what she said, even if she didn't mean it."

I kissed Bella's hair and rubbed my nose through the thick curls. I loved the way it smelled.

"She's not right."

"Yes, she is. I'm holding you back. The job in Sydney is such a great chance for you. How can I want you to give that up? I do, but only because I'm scared to lose you. I already lost Emmett."

"Oh Bella."

"I'm sorry. It's just…I can't endure to lose someone I love…again."

"I'm not dying."

"But you'll be so far away. I can't endure the very thought of it. That's what makes me selfish. I want you to stay here."

I tightened my hold around her body. "You told me to go."

"Because that seemed like it was the right thing to tell you, wasn't it?"

I shook my head. "I love you. I don't want to leave you behind. I don't know how yet, but somehow I'll manage to figure this out for us. For me, there can't be a future without you by my side."


	21. Chapter 21

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Thanks to those of you who are still with me. I love reading your thoughts on my story. Without you, I definitely wouldn't be here.

_FAQ'S_

Do Jasper and Edward end up together?

I'd like for this to happen but I think it's going to be difficult.

Will you make a story about the twins grown up?

Julie is not Lilly in WTHN. I don't feel like I need to give her a voice of her own. There's not enough interest for that out there, I'm afraid.

*This chapter is dedicated to Leslie, for being a supportive reader and an even better friend. I feel blessed to have you in my life. Hugs*

****21****

_Hope is the only bee that makes honey without flowers_

_(Robert Ingersoll)_

Why was it so incredibly difficult for me to concentrate? I was sure that even Angela's patience had its limits.

My boss smiled kindly at me and repeated her explanations for the third time in a row.

"I'm sorry, Angie." I told her. "What did you just tell me about the new artifact?"

Angela pushed her black-rimmed glasses a bit higher on her nose. "Bella, honey, I've told you before and I'm telling you again. You are not ready to start working yet."

I swallowed hard. The dryness in my throat was unpleasant. My fingers quivered when I reached for the glass of water next to me and took a small sip out of it.

"I have to be ready."

"Things don't work like that. It's about the money, isn't it?"

My head moved downwards for three times. The financial situation I was currently in was worrying me. Quite frankly, the entire situation I was in was frightening. Alice was so supportive. But she knew little about the endless pile of bills. The threat of the bank in my neck, who would be able to take the house away from me within the blink of an eye should I miss the rates.

"Don't fire me." I croaked, trying to keep the tears from falling. "I need this job."

"Bella, breathe." Angela stated. "I'm not going to fire you. Do you think I'm completely heartless?"

I sniffed and fumbled for a tissue in the pockets of my jacket. "I'm trying to concentrate better. It's just that I have so many things on my mind right now."

Angie nodded her head. "Why don't you take the rest of the morning off? Go for a walk. That usually helps me to clear my head."

An hour later, after strolling to the park for a while and picking up some flowers from a meadow there, I went back towards the library. On a bench in front of the main entrance, Edward was sitting. His nose was stuck in a thick exemplar of a Lutheran bible.

"Hello there." I greeted him, sitting down next to him on the wooden bench. "Don't you have enough bibles at your house?"

"Not this one." He closed the book and placed it on his lap. "Isn't it too early for your lunch break?"

I sighed. "Angie sent me off to take a walk. I'm afraid that I'm getting on her nerves. My concentration is shitty."

"What language is that?"

"Emmett always talked like that. Maybe that's him rubbing off on me."

The memory of my late husband made my heart cramp. Was it possible to love two people at the same time? I would always love Emmett. There was a part of me, I wasn't quite sure how strong that part of me was, that would always belong to him.

I loved Alice. I had loved her for almost all my life, longer than I had dared myself to admit.

Edward put his hand on mine. "Emmett would have wanted you to be happy."

"I know. But Siobhan hates me now. It's no wonder she doesn't want to pay for the twins' babysitter anymore."

"I could talk to her about that." He offered. "My aunt is embittered and lonely. She has lost both of her sons and her husband."

"She called her own sister a whore."

He cringed. "I'm sorry you and Alice had to hear that."

I started ripping the petals from a flower and cleared my throat. "I don't get why she did that. I mean, I understand why she would call me a slut…or even Alice, but why Esme?"

A low sigh escaped Edward's mouth. "She didn't mean it. You should try to forget about it."

"Your mother is a kind woman. I always loved her so much."

A smile flashed over his face. "My mother loves you too. That's probably the reason why she's so accepting of you and Alice being together."

My mind wandered to the conversation in my garden I had with Esme after Alice and I had been caught by my mother-in-law.

_Do you love her? Do you really love my daughter?_

"Bella, if you love my sister, you should let her go to Sydney. It would be better for her."

"I know. The job is a great chance."

"It is. Have you considered going with her?"

I crumbled a tiny white blossom between my fingertips. "We have talked about it. But it is difficult."

"Everything that holds a value is difficult." He stated. Then he pinched the bridge of his nose. "But God will help you and Alice if you only have faith in him."

"God hates people like me and Alice."

Edward grabbed my shoulder, making me look up at him. "Don't think that. God loves you. He wants you to be happy. God wants all of us to be happy."

"Are you happy?"

"I'm thankful for the place God has chosen for me."

"But are you happy?" I repeated my question.

"Being happy is not my main priority in life, Bella."

"Why?"

He smiled, his lips twitching upwards a couple of times before he spoke up again. "It's too much to ask for."

Alice's older brother had always been a mystery to me. Even back as a child he used to be too still. The first summer after the Cullen's had moved to Seattle, he spent almost all his time upstairs in his room. It was as if he was hiding from the sun.

"The twins aren't going to remember their father. Isn't that horrible?"

"You won't let that happen. I'm sure about that."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Esme let you forget about your father. Neither Alice nor you can remember him."

Edward stuffed the bible into a bag and placed it next to him on the ground. "I do remember some things."

"Really? That's great."

A bitter chuckle left his throat. When he started talking again his eyes stayed focused on the ground the entire time.

"My father had a dog, a Rottweiler. His name was Napoleon."

I shifted on the bench. "Dogs are great pets. Alice was so scared of Jake at first but now I think she really likes him."

"Napoleon was not a nice dog. No one apart from Dad would go near him. He kept him as a guard dog."

Edward sighed deeply. "Dad bought a leather leash for Napoleon that he kept on a hook at a wall in the living room."

I noticed how Edward's fingers began to quiver. He pulled out his rosary and started letting the little pearls glide between his hands.

"When Mom or I made Dad angry…and somehow we always managed to make him angry...," his voice cracked. "He always made us bring the leash to him ourselves before—"

Edward coughed. His face was white now.

"Oh, my God, that's just terrible. Does Alice know?"

"Christ, of course she doesn't know. I'm glad she was too young to remember any of this."

The grip of his fingers around the rosary tightened, making one of the wooden beads crack.

"I shouldn't have told you. I promised my mother I would try to forget. Both of us need to forget. It's just so difficult for me. Alice can never know about this. It would break her heart."

He mumbled an excuse about a meeting with Father James he was going to miss if he didn't leave now. When he was gone I starred after him, unable to move from the bench.

"There you are, Bella." Ben called from the main entrance. "Can you help me with the school class? You know I'm not that good with kids."

Like a robot I rose from my seat. For the next following hours I smiled and laughed, even if I felt like crying deep inside of me. Sometimes you needed to just put on a mask and pretend.

It was not that easy to pretend when I came home that night. The very thought that someone could have hurt Alice was unbearable for me. Had her birth father hit her too?

"You look tired." she stated, taking my jacket from me. "Take off those heels. I know they must be uncomfortable."

I kicked off my shoes and sat down at the couch. "Are the twins still awake?"

"They didn't have a nap after lunch. So, the little monsters were pretty exhausted."

Closing my eyes, I leaned back against the cushions of the couch. "I'm exhausted too."

"Well, then I need to help you to relax a bit." Alice stated. She started massaging my hand. The gentle caress sent a tingling sensation up my entire arm. "Tomorrow I can't watch the kids. But Mom has offered to take care of this."

"What are you going to do?"

"My boss and her father are in Seattle. Her secretary emailed me that Jane would like to have lunch with me tomorrow. God, I won't be able to get a single bite down when she's in front of me."

"How's she like?"

"Small. Blonde. Bad ass."

"Do you think she would hire me, if you asked her?"

"You? Working for a fashion magazine?"

"Are you trying to tell me I have no sense of style?"

"You have a thing for pretty underwear." Alice mumbled, opening the buttons of my blouse. "And you have a preference for lace."

I moaned when her fingers glided under the edge of my bra. Her touch was tender. I loved the way her hands felt around my breasts when she tugged down the stripes of my bra a few minutes later.

It felt so good when she touched me. Alice's lips were warm and wet when they closed around my nipple to suck it hard.

"I love your breasts." she hummed, pressing the full mounds together. "Can I take a picture of them?"

Was she crazy now? My face reddened as I quickly shook my head no.

"I was just kidding. But I really like those babies. They feel amazing."

Alice's tongue swirled over my sensitive tips, making them pebble into tight nubs. My clit pulsed. Within seconds my underwear felt as if it was completely soaked.

"Touch me." Alice commanded, guiding my hand underneath the denim material of her skirt. Like me, she was wet. As lightly as possible I let my fingers glide inside her thong.

"Like this?" I asked her, rubbing my thumb over her clit. "Or more like this?" I whispered, letting two of my fingers slide inside her tight entrance.

She gasped, making a few delicious sounds that made my own sex weep with the need to be touched too.

Alice kneeled down between my legs and pulled them apart. I groaned when she lowered her mouth to my pussy to lick me. I loved her going down on me. It was a pleasure I couldn't put into words. Her tongue was warm and velvety, just perfect.

My sex throbbed when I noticed that Alice's right hand had moved between her own thighs to rub herself eagerly.

Fuck, this was so hot. I could watch her touch herself forever. The wet noises her fingers were making on her pussy made my insides tremble. I could feel every fiber in my body beginning to burn. When my climax made me shiver, I had to bite my fist to keep me from screaming out too loud.

For a few moments Alice was very still. She rested her head against my lap and wrapped her arms around my thighs.

"I love you. I can't imagine being separated from you again for longer than a day."

I sighed and pulled Alice up, holding her close against my bare chest. "We need to figure out how to make this work."

"Would you come with me?" Alice asked, taking my hand in hers. "I know it's too much to ask."

I nodded my head. I had never been the adventurous type. The only time I had ever been further away from Seattle than two hours was for my honeymoon. Emmett had booked us into some fancy hotel in Mexico. It was one of the happiest times in my life.

"I don't want to go to Australia. It's too hot. It's too far away from home."

"I understand." Alice mumbled. "If you won't come with me that means I have to stay here."

"No," I stated. "I'm going with you. I'm just scared about the unknown."

She cupped my face between her hands and pulled my mouth to hers. I could taste myself on her lips. It was arousing in a strange, almost forbidden way.

"Bella, I love you so much." she whispered. "Promise me, we'll always be together."

"Always," I told her. My lips pressed against her hair. The curls smelled like hairspray and a bit of my coconut conditioner. "I love you forever."

I held Alice against my chest, gently stroking down her back with my fingertips.

"You and I, we belong together." she mumbled. "Deep down inside, I've always known we belong together."


	22. Chapter 22

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back, my dear readers. I apologize for taking so long to get this chapter out. Real life is not helping to boost my creativity at the moment. Thanks for all your support. It's really helping me through some tough times.

*The chapter is dedicated to **lice1992** for being the 200th reviewer.

****22****

_Love is a flower which turns into fruit at marriage_

_(Finnish Proverb)_

I was going to be late for my meeting with Jane. Crap. My heels made my attempt to run at least somewhat gracefully over the parking lot of the restaurant quite difficult.

I almost bumped into a woman who was about to open the door when I quickly tried to close the buttons of my cardigan.

The jacket, I had originally planned on wearing today, got ruined by chocolate finger prints of the twins. God, kids and fashion truly don't do well together.

Taking a deep breath and forcing my lips into a smile, I entered the restaurant. Jane's blonde head was nowhere but instead her creepy father Aro waved his hand at me from a corner.

Being alone with Aro Volturi was as close to being pleasant than a visit to a dentist. That man was weird and cold like ice on top of it.

"Miss Cullen," he purred. "It's so nice to see you again."

"Mr. Volturi." I murmured in a low voice.

"Aro," he purred again. "You may call me Aro." His fingers played with the expensive Rolex watch around his wrist. "And what should I call you, deary?"

"Alice," Jane's voice snarled in a hard tone, while she dropped her handbag on the table. "Her name is Alice, Dad. I told you that before."

"Pretty little Alice." Aro giggled. I noticed that his eyes looked a bit glassy. Was he drunk? It was the middle of the day.

"Dad, you need to call back Alec. Something's wrong with the motor yacht. There was an accident."

Aro took my hand and pressed his cold lips against my skin in a theatrical farewell gesture. He walked off, leaving me and his daughter alone at the table.

"You look good." Jane stated. "Are you enjoying it to be home?"

I nodded my head. "It's great. I like being in Seattle." After a small pause, I added: "But I'm also looking forward to my new job."

Jane's deep red lips twitched into a smile. "I was hoping so."

We ordered some food, salad for me, steak, rare-cooked for Jane. While we waited for our order to arrive, Jane gave me a few more details about my upcoming job as a writer.

"We have high expectations on our writers." She told me. "If you're not serious about this, you should better tell me right now. There's nothing worse than wasting time with someone who's not a hundred percent in."

Nervously, I slurped on my drink, spilling a bit of it over my skirt. Damn it. Get your grip together, Cullen. You can't be that nervous now. It's so terribly unprofessional.

"I want this job." I told Jane. "It's a great chance."

"That it is, and your only one at our company to be a bit more precisely."

"I know, Jane. No second chances. I haven't forgotten about that."

She smiled again and circled her manicured fingers over the edge of her wine glass. "You're a smart girl, aren't you?"

Shit, what was I supposed to answer to a question like that? Jane cleared her throat and sighed deeply.

"Don't let my father fuck you. That wouldn't end well for you."

"I would never dare to start an inappropriate relationship with a married man."

Jane chuckled bitterly. "What's a marriage, but a piece of paper?"

I shrugged my shoulders. I had been raised to believe that matrimony was something holy. It was an unbreakable bound between two souls. Jane's blue eyes looked questioning down at me. It made me even more nervous than I already was.

"You don't need to worry about me. I'm not interested in him. I mean, I'm not interested in men in general."

Jane lifted her glass to her lips and took a small sip. "Interesting to know,"

"There's something I wanted to ask you." I started hesitantly after a few moments of awkward silence. "I don't really know how."

"Do you want more money?"

"No, no, I'm fine with what you've offered me. It's very gracious."

"Alice, my time is limited. Just tell me what you want. I'll try to figure out whether it's possible or not."

I coughed. "I have a girlfriend here in Seattle."

"And she doesn't want you to move back to Sydney or what?"

I coughed again, my throat feeling as if I had swallowed sand. "She knows how much I want this job. Bella…her name is Bella, she would never hold me back from something I want."

Jane's face turned into a grimace. "Why are you telling me about her?"

"I want her and the kids to come with me when I go to Australia."

"It's your business with whom you want to spend your private life with."

Why was this so incredibly difficult? Just ask her about the job for Bella like you planned to.

"Would you consider hiring Bella? A part time job would be fine. She's very smart and learns fa—,"

"Has she worked for a Fashion Magazine before?" Jane asked, typing something into her Blackberry.

"Not exactly,"

"I have no use for someone without experience."

"I see." I mumbled, looking down at my hands. "It was just a question."

"Look, at me when I'm talking to you, Alice." Jane commanded. "Is your Ella a stay-at-home Mom or does she have a job?"

"Bella," I corrected. "Her name is Bella. She works part-time in a museum."

Jane nodded and sipped on her wine. "Well, then it shouldn't be too difficult to find a job in Sydney."

"She can't move with me unless she finds a job. God, this is so hopeless."

Another smile flashed over Jane's doll-like face. "You are being too dramatic for my taste."

My face turned crimson. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bother you with my problems."

With a sigh, Jane placed her wine glass back on the table. "People bother me with their crap all the time."

I cringed and barely managed to resist the urge to start biting my fingernails. "I'm sorry."

"I get that. Look, I can't just hire someone who's not fitted for the work at Volturi Fashion Press."

She took another gulp from her drink, emptying the glass with a soft moan. Maybe Jane had inherited her father's preference for alcohol from him.

"There's another way."

I sat up a bit straighter on my chair. I was willing to give anything a try if it only meant that Bella and I could stay together.

"You could just marry your girlfriend. It would make it easier for her to move with you to Australia without a job."

"M-m-marry her?"

"You sound a bit shocked. Try to relax a bit. Like I've told you before, Marriage is nothing but a piece of paper."

xxxx

Just a piece of paper; It's just a piece of paper. That's what I kept silently repeating again and again in my head.

Mom and Dad had invited me, Bella and the twins over for dinner. It felt so relieving that they both were so very accepting of our relationship.

"Aren't you hungry, darling?" my mother asked me after watching me for a few minutes pushing around the food on my plate.

"Maybe she's on a diet now." Edward assumed.

"I'm not dieting. It's just…I have a lot of stuff on my mind. The food is great, Mom. Maybe you can fix me a plate for later?"

Mom smiled and nodded her head. "I will do that. How was your meeting with your boss today?"

Confusing, I thought. "It went well." I mumbled. Then I turned my attention to little Em.J. and his twin sister. Both of them had more spinach all over their face than probably had ended up in their stomach.

"Julie ice-cream?" the girl demanded, smiling widly. "Pleeeassse."

Bella laughed. "How about some yummy apple slices, sweetie?"

Julie squeaked. "Em.J. apples…Julie ice-cream.

A loud screeching sound from her brother's mouth was the instant reaction to Julie's suggestion.

"Shhh, it's okay, honey." I told him, kneeling down in front of the chair he was sitting on. "Both of you get ice-cream for dessert. Mom, I get it from the kitchen. "

When I returned to the table, Bella was holding Em.J. on her lap, nuzzling her face against his hair. "Doesn't he look just like his Daddy?" she asked my Mom, a hint of sadness swinging in her voice.

"Yes, definitely." Mom assured Bella. "He got his nose and his curly hair…and the temper…definitely Emmett's temper."

Dad smirked. "I think that most boys come after their fathers."

The table started shaking and a moment later, my brother's plate and the bowl with the rest of the spinach landed on the carpet.

"I'm sorry." Edward pressed out. "Mom, this is going to leave a stain."

"It's alright, sweetheart." Mom stated, kneeling down next to him on the floor. "I will take care of this."

My brother murmured another apology to our mother. Then he told us that he needed to leave in order to work on his next sermon. I couldn't help but find that he seemed awfully pale today. Maybe he was working too hard for others all the time.

After dinner, while Bella and I helped Mom with the dishes, I started thinking about Jane's suggestion again. Would I want to be married to Bella? Hell, yes of course. But would she want us to take such a big step in our relationship that soon?

Silently I dried off a cup and placed it on the counter. Hadn't Mom and Dad gotten married only a few months after my birth father had died? Sure, that had been different times and my parents were old-fashioned.

"Honey, are you alright?" my mother asked me, sounding a bit concerned. "You seem like something is bothering you."

"It's nothing." I whispered, taking another cup from Bella to dry it.

"Esme, you're right. She's been like this since she came back from the meeting with her boss."

I sighed, placing the cup next to the first one. "You two are too observing."

Bella giggled. She wrapped her arms around my middle and pulled me against her chest. "It's because we love you."

Her lips touched mine very lightly. It was a short kiss, sweet and very innocent. Kissing in front of my parents still was a challenge somehow. No need to push their tolerance too hard.

"Bella!" Dad called from the living room where he was watching the twins. "I can't handle both of them when they are crying."

"I'm coming."

She planted another gentle kiss on my cheek before she went to help Dad with the kids.

"You and Bella seem very happy together." Mom stated. "It's always good to fall in love with your best friend."

"Did you marry your best friend?" I asked her, leaning back against the counter behind me.

"I love your father very much." She told me with a smile on her face. "He's the best thing that ever happened to me. I never expected—,"

"You never expected what?" I asked, rubbing my fingertips over the pearl-bracelet around my wrist.

"Nothing," Mom mumbled. "I just feel so blessed that I've found such a kind-hearted man."

"How was my real Dad like?"

Mom's face hardened. "Why are you asking about him now? You never did that before."

"It's because the twins are the same age I was when Daddy died. Bella is making a photo book of Emmett for them as a memory."

"That's a nice idea."

I nodded my head. "I thought so too. Mom, why don't we have any pictures from Dad?"

She sighed and took the cups from the counter to place them into the cupboard. "A lot of our stuff got lost when we moved here from Tennessee."

"This is sad. I would like to know if I look like him."

"Not much. You're coming more after his mother. She was petite and black-haired like you are."

"I'd rather have red hair like you and Edward." I told her, twisting one of my curls around my fingertip. "Mom, can I ask you something?"

Mom wrapped her arm around my shoulder and pulled me a bit closer. "You should know that you can ask me anything, honey."

"How, did you know that you wanted to marry my father? I mean, marriage is such a big step and—,"

"Who's getting married?" Dad asked, walking into the kitchen. He carried Em.J. on his hip. The boy squeaked joyfully.

"No one is," Mom answered. "Put the child down before you hurt your back."

She placed Em.J. on the ground and tousled the curls on the little boy's head. Maybe Bella and I should take him to a hairdresser soon. Or maybe, we shouldn't because it looked so cute this way.

"Mommy," he mumbled, sticking his thumb between his pouty lips. Then, he reached out his left hand, pointing at me and repeated the word a second time. "Mom-my."

"Oh my gosh," Mom exclaimed. "He's finally starting to talk! Bella? Bella, darling, come here. Em. J's talking!"

Bella was with us in a flash. She dropped to her knees in front of the boy. "He said a word? He actually said a word? Which one? Come, talk to Mommy, sweetie."

"Julie, milk." Her daughter demanded, pulling on the sleeve of Bella's shirt. "Mommy, ple-ase."

"I get you something." I told Julie, taking a plastic cup from the cupboards. I filled it with a bit of whole milk and handed it to the little one.

"Thank you, Aly." she squeaked, lifting the cup carefully to her mouth.

"What did Em.J. say?" Bella repeated her question, while I tried to make sure the milk in Julie's cup didn't end up on the new shirt I had bought for her.

"Mom-my." The boy said, holding his hand up in my direction. "Mom-my."

Bella's mouth fell open. For a good full minute, she stared, first at Em.J. and then at me. I felt suddenly very bad. It was like I had accidentally stolen something from her.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. "He's probably just a bit confused because I spend so much time with him and Julie."

I lifted Julie up and kissed her forehead. "Julie knows who her Mommy is. Don't you, sweetie pie?"

"Mommy." she squeaked, waving her hand at Bella. "Mommy Mommy and Aly Mommy."

My heart made a little jump inside my chest. Was this how it felt like to be a mother? I had loved the twins from the start. I had loved them because they were Bella's. Being a mother was nothing I had ever desired for myself. I liked kids. But having some of my own? That was something completely different.

"Esme, Carlisle, we should get home now. It's almost naptime for the kids. It was a long day for them." Bella told my parents.

Mom insisted we had to take the leftovers from dinner with us. Back at Bella's place, we went upstairs and bathed the twins. Both of them actually managed not to cry for like the first two minutes of it. Then, a tiny droplet of shampoo ended up in Julie's eyelashes and she started screaming. I don't know what it is with the twins. One of them cries and the other one follows. It's like this, every single time.

Finally, we were done. Bella's shirt was soaked by now, leaving it a bit see-through. My insides tingled at the tempting view ahead of me.

"Your shirt is wet." I whispered. "You should take it off."

"I will." she mumbled. "In a minute,"

I cupped her face between my hands and pulled her close to a passionate kiss. It was then, that I knew I would want her forever. For a very long time, I had the biggest crush on my best friend. This here, though, it was different. It was different because it was real. There was no way I would ever let her go again, not today and not in a million years. I loved her beyond words.

Now, how was the best way to ask the love of your life if she wants to become your wife?


	23. Chapter 23

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Thanks for your support and your patience, my dear readers. I cherish your love for my story a lot. Writing is a learning process and I feel blessed to know you by my side.

****23****

_There are people who have money and people who are rich_

_(Coco Chanel)_

_Bella_

My hair was still damp from the shower I had taken earlier. I didn't let it dry on its own very often. It made it soft, but a bit too curly for my liking. But this morning my blow-dryer had suddenly decided to stop working.

Rosalie had picked up the kids to take them to the park and Aly had mumbled an excuse during our breakfast together. She wanted to meet with this awful Charlotte again. I was really trying to like that woman, but it just didn't work for me.

It was about thirty minutes left until I would have to leave to the museum to start my shift there.

In an attempt to do something useful, I decided it was time to finally clean out Emmett's closet. Doing this was something I had been avoiding during the past weeks. The thought was painful. It was like I was letting him go.

Taking a deep breathe, I placed two empty boxes next to me on the carpet and opened the door of the closet.

Crap, I can't do this, I thought, pulling the first pile of shirts out. My eyes watered with tears. Maybe I should better do this together with someone else. No, I couldn't ask Aly for that. Maybe Rose or Esme.

Be strong, Bella. You can do this on your own. Mechanically, because I couldn't endure my emotions, I tossed clothing and sunglasses into the box at the left side. How many sunglasses could one man need?

I picked a few clothes and his baseball bat and put those away to keep them for the twins.

Then I noticed the stack of DVD's hidden behind a thick sweatshirt. How ridiculous of Emmett to hide his porn collection here. I knew he was watching them. Most men probably liked stuff like that.

"I'm not angry at you." I whispered, tossing the DVD's on top of the clothes I wanted to give away.

A blue-enveloped letter fell down to my feet. What was that?

Turning the letter around between my fingers, I hesitated for a couple of minutes until I finally dared to rip the paper open.

The handwriting was messy. I recognized it at once. Emmett had left me notes in it on the refrigerator all the time.

For a moment my vision blurred and I had to wipe my eyes before I could manage to read through the letter.

_Hey Babe,_

_Writing letters is something for women or gays. This is my sixth attempt on it and I'm about to lose my patience._

_Anyway, my cousin said that it is important to write this stuff down by hand and so I am._

_Honey, I love you and please, don't freak out should you accidentally find this before it is necessary._

_So, this is supposed to be my last will. I want you to have something that documents it clearly, that everything I own will belong to you after I kick the bucket._

_I'm not afraid to die. I'm just concerned about leaving you and the kids behind on your own._

_You remember how we talked about that life insurance thing with the weirdo from the bank? I know, you think it is a waste of money to do it but I can sleep better at night since I signed the papers._

_You're not going to poison me to get the five million dollars faster? Women have killed off their husbands for less. _

_Just kidding…_

_So, I want to know that you and the kids are well off, in case something should happen to me. I've seen it with my mother how difficult it is to make ends meet as a single parent._

_The papers for the insurance are at Mom's house. Please, promise me you'll try to get along with her. I know, you think she can't stand you but it's not true._

_I love you, Bella. I don't tell you often enough. You bring out the best in me. Thank You for everything._

_Em._

I re-read the letter two times before I managed to stand up from the floor again. My hands were shaking. Several sobs rocked through me, forcing me to sit down on the edge of the bed.

"Oh Emmett," I sobbed, unable to calm myself down again. I buried my face against the sheets and cried silently for a time that seemed like forever to me.

The persistent sound of the phone ringing made me look up again. I grabbed it from the nightstand and croaked.

"Hello?"

"Bella? Bella, where are you?" Angela's voice asked me, sounding something between concerned and angry. She hated people being late more than anything.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, wiping my running nose. "I'm so sorry, Angie."

"Hey, are you crying, sweetie?"

"Yes," I confessed, knowing that my teary voice would give it away anyway. "I'm so sorry for being late. I will—,"

"You're going to stay home. I have no use for you here when you are all agitated."

I fumbled a tissue out of the nightstand to blow my nose. "Oh Angie, it's so bad. I found his testament. I can't believe he made something like that. It's not like Emmett at all."

"Em made a testament? That's good, sweetie. You'll take that to a lawyer and he'll fix everything for you."

I don't have money for a lawyer, I thought. Well, technically I owned five million dollars now but they weren't mine yet…

After I managed to compose myself halfway, I splashed some water in my face and went over to Esme's place. My mother-in-law wasn't keen on talking to me after she had caught me and Alice together. Maybe Esme could help me with it.

Yes, I had fallen in love again pretty soon after my husband's death. It was something I didn't have any control over. I love Alice. I had always loved her.

Emmett would have wanted me to be happy again. I was sure about that. He always wanted people to be happy, especially those he cared about. My husband was all hard and tough from the outside but when you took a closer look, he was the most soft-hearted person on earth.

"Bella, honey, what a nice surprise," Esme greeted me, pulling me into a hug. "Hey, have you been crying?"

I nodded, unable to bring out words. She pulled me inside, making me sit down in the kitchen.

"Please, don't tell Alice I broke down like this." I pleaded Esme, sipping on a cup of hot chocolate she prepared for me.

"You love my daughter very much. Don't you?"

My lips curled into a smile. "Yes, I love her. But I also love Emmett. That sounds pretty messed up, right?"

Esme sighed, placing her hand on mine. "Love is not only black and white. I'm sure Alice understands you still have feelings for Emmett. He was your husband."

I took another sip from my drink, savoring the taste of sweet, melting marshmallows on my tongue.

"I found a letter from him today." I told Esme. "He made some life insurance for me and the kids."

"Really? Oh, sweetie, that's good news."

"Well, yes and no. The letter I found told me that Emmett stored the papers at Siobhan's place."

"I see," Esme mumbled. "You're not too fond of contacting her again. Are you?"

"She hates me." I stated. "I can't even blame her for it."

Esme quickly shook her head. "My sister is a difficult woman. She took her son's death very hard."

I coughed. "I wish she hadn't found out about me and Alice like this. It shocked her."

"Well, I would be lying if I said it didn't come as a surprise to all of us."

Dropping the cup a bit too hard on the table, I spilled a bit of the hot chocolate over the tablecloth.

"Shit, I'm sorry about that, Esme."

"No harm done, sweetie. Look, I'm not going to lie. I'd rather seen Alice fallen in love with a young man. But you're the person that makes her happy."

She makes me happy too, I thought, feeling the warmth spread through my heart. It was a blessing to be loved like this. Aly was a gift sent from heaven above.

"We can call Siobhan right now and ask her to send the papers here." Esme suggested, giving my hand a light tug.

Esme grabbed the phone and dialed the number. Then, she placed it on the table between me and her and waited for Siobhan to pick up.

"McCarty,"

"Siobhan, honey, it's me."

I could hear my mother-in-law snarling into the receiver when Esme put her on loudspeaker.

"Are you calling to apologize for your tainted, godless daughter?"

I made my hand a fist under the table.

"Siobhan, you can't talk about Alice like that. She's a good girl."

Siobhan snarled again. "Good girl, ha! Well, mother like daughter. It has always been like that."

Esme sighed. "Siobhan, please, let's not talk about the past now."

My mother-in-law cleared her throat. "You never liked doing that. I wonder what your husband would do, should he ever discover—"

I didn't hear the rest of her rambling because Esme, quickly put the loudspeaker out again. She put the phone against her ear and murmured something I couldn't understand. Esme's face paled when she dropped the phone a minute later.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes, honey. Everything is fine. I'm sorry, but I can't help you with my sister."

xxxx

Back at my house, Rosalie was sitting on the porch, stroking though the dog's fur while he rested his big head on her lap.

"Why are you home that early? Is something wrong?"

"I had to take a day off." I told her. "Are the twins sleeping?"

"Just put them down a minute ago. They sleep like little angels."

I sat down next to Rosalie and sighed deeply. "Thank you. I feel bad for having you watch the kids when I can't pay you."

She protested instantly. "I like watching the kids for you. It doesn't feel like a job to me."

Rosalie played with her hair. "Are you still having trouble with the bank? I could take a look at your papers again."

I sighed, fisting my hand through Jake's fur. He purred. Yes, it was so simple to make him happy.

"In a way, I have."

"Tell me," Rose demanded, stuffing something into the dog's snout. She was really smitten with him. If I would actually move to Sydney with Aly, I would ask Rose if she wanted to keep Jake.

"I found Emmett's testament today. He made some insurance to cover me and the twins up."

"Really? That's fantastic. It would solve your problems with the credit."

Leaning back against the wall, I told Rosalie about my problem with Siobhan. How she wouldn't talk to me. I didn't know how to ask her to send me the insurance papers.

"Does she know about the life insurance?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "She didn't mention it to me."

"Maybe she wants the money for herself. How much are we talking about?"

"Five million dollar."

"Five millions? Honey, I know a lot people who would screw over others for a lot less."

I looked up to see Alice's car pulling up the driveway. She stepped out, carrying a box from my favorite bakery with her. I didn't know why she always brought sweet stuff home with her. It wasn't like I needed the extra calories.

"Hey, darling." she greeted me, leaning down to kiss me tenderly. "You are home early."

"I didn't even make it to work today. I bet Angie is regretting that she hired me. I'm useless."

"You're not." Alice assured me. "Let's go inside. I brought some peach cream cake for you."

"Peach cream is to die for." Rosalie mumbled dreamily.

I noticed the frown on Alice's face when I spontaneously invited Rose to share the cake with us.

"But the cake is for you." Aly protested while I set up some coffee to brew. I laughed and hugged her from behind. "It was cute from you, but I really shouldn't eat that much cake."

Aly stepped nervously back and forth on her heels. What the hell was wrong with her now?

"Can I get some milk instead of coffee?" Rosalie asked, rolling her fingertip over the edge of the cup.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I forget that you don't like drinking stuff with caffeine." I said, getting the bottle or milk from the fridge.

I poured some of it into Rosalie's cup and sliced the cake into three equal parts.

"I bought that cake for you." Aly told me, looking completely miserable.

"Honey, you're too cute to me. But you don't want me to get any fatter than I already am."

"You're not fat." Rosalie stated, lifting the milk to her mouth. "You'd look a lot thinner if you'd dress differently."

Aly nibbled halfheartedly on her piece of the cake. "Bella doesn't really care about fashion. She never has."

"I understand that." Rose said, picking a bit of cream on her fork to lick it off with a soft moan. "Everything is so shallow and meaningless in that business."

"You used to be a model, right?" I asked, taking a bite from my cake. The filling was delicious. My Aly really knew what I loved to eat.

"Yes, I was. I made the cover of Sports Illustrated twice in a year."

I nodded. "Wow, that's impressive. Isn't it impressive, Aly?"

She didn't to answer me because suddenly Rose started coughing loudly between us.

"Did you choke on something?" I asked, tapping gently against the blonde's back. She coughed again. Then she dropped from her chair, still coughing. It seemed like she was unable to stop.

"C-c-can't breathe," she managed to croak out before her eyes rolled back in her head and her face turned into an alarming bluish color.


	24. Chapter 24

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back, my dear readers. Thanks for all your reviews. I love reading your thoughts on my little story here.

Please, take a minute to vote in the poll, I put up in my profile. It would help me to make up my mind about my next Bellice project. Thanks in advance.

*This chapter is dedicated to Sophia. I hope that I'll put a smile on your face with it.

****24****

_Patience is the companion of wisdom_

It had been a stupid idea. Hiding the engagement ring inside a cake had been a stupid idea. It had been a stupid idea and now Rose was going to die because of it.

The feeling of helplessness spread through me. I was the daughter of a doctor. Still, I knew absolutely nothing about first aid. All I could do was stand there, unable to move just one single inch while Bella tried to help the lifeless blonde woman on the kitchen floor. What a horrible omen for our upcoming marriage.

It had been a stupid idea to hide the ring inside the cake. God, if it were Bella who had choked on it. The thought sent shivers of panic and fear down my spine.

Finally after a few endless moments of death rattle coming from Rosalie's mouth, she coughed loudly.

Bella managed to pull her upright and tab her back hard enough that the small golden ring landed on the floor together with a puddle of vomit.

"Oh Lord. I thought I was going to die." Rosie sobbed between two deep breathes.

I dropped to my knees, next to Bella and Rosalie. "I'm so sorry. I…I'm so sorry."

"About what?" Bella asked while she was still rubbing up and down Rosalie's back. That was when she noticed the ring on the ground. My Bella was a smart girl. It didn't take long for her to put two and two together. I didn't know what shocked her more. The fact that Rosalie almost choked to death or the fact that it had happened during my attempt to propose to Bella.

It would have been better if I had bought her some flowers instead of the goddamn cake. Christ, I was so fucking stupid, it hurt.

"I w-w-want a doctor." Rosalie croaked, grabbing her throat. "Please."

"Call Carlisle," Bella instructed me, turning her attention fully to Rose again now.

It took me a full minute to get up again and three attempts until I managed to dial Dad's number. I cried when he picked up and made him worry so much that he managed to make it to Bella's house from the hospital in less than ten minutes.

"Everything is my fault." I sobbed against his chest when he arrived. "She choked on my stupid ring. I'm so sorry."

"Shhh," he hummed gently, pulling me against his chest. "I'm sure it was an accident. Now, let me take a look at Miss Hale."

He asked Bella to help him maneuver Rosalie over to the living room where he made her sit down on the couch.

"How are you feeling, Miss Hale?"

"Rose." she whispered. "You can call me Rose. Everyone does."

"Fine," Dad murmured, pulling a tiny flashlight out of his jacket to shine it directly into Rosalie's eyes. "Rose. Are you in pain?"

"Not really. My throat feels sore and I feel a bit dizzy. God, I thought I was going to die."

"Rosie, I'm so sorry." I told her again for about the hundredth time since she had choked on the ring.

"Alice, I'm sure she knows that you didn't hurt her on purpose." Dad assured me, giving me a one-armed hug before he continued his examination.

"Your blood pressure seems a bit low to me. Are you on medication?"

Rosalie nodded her head. "I have my list at home."

"Then we'll get it from there. It is probably better when I take you to the hospital just to make sure."

He wrapped his arm around Rosalie's shoulder and helped her outside. A minute later, I could hear the engine of his car roaring to life.

"Crap." I pressed out, covering my face in my hands. I had a tendency to mess important things up like nobody else. How many proposals end with someone going to the hospital because of it?

Bella kneeled down in front of me and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Hey, hey, hey. Please, stop crying. Rose is going to be okay."

I sobbed, freeing myself from her embrace. I rushed to the kitchen and cleaned the floor. My fingers trembled when I rinsed the gold ring under the faucet.

"Are you running away from me?"

"No," I whispered, closing my fist around the ring. "I'm just so sorry. I don't know what to do."

Bella sighed. Then she made me sit down on one of the kitchen chairs. "Take a deep breath. Can you do that for me?"

Mechanically, I inhaled deeply through my mouth for a few times.

"Why was there a ring inside the cake?" Bella asked me, placing her hand very gently on my fist.

"I wanted to ask you to marry me." I told her, unable to look into her beautiful eyes. "And I totally messed it up."

Another sigh left her mouth. "No, please don't think that." Her fingers caressed mine until I eventually opened my fist. When she took the ring and turned it around to take a closer look, I felt close to crying again.

"That's a pretty ring." She stated, placing it back on my palm again. "But I can't accept it."

"Is it because Rose choked on the ring? I could get you another one."

Damn it, Cullen, can you actually think before you speak, just once in your fucking life? She said no. Bella just said no to your proposal.

"Look at me, Aly." Bella demanded. "It doesn't mean I don't love you. You know that, right?"

"But you don't want to marry me."

"I don't want to marry you _now_. There's a difference."

Her lips touched tenderly against the tip of my nose. Then they brushed over my cheeks and eventually over my mouth.

"I love you but it's too early for me to remarry. It's too soon after Emmett's death."

My throat felt too tight to speak. It took me a while until I managed to bring out understandable words.

"I know. But I don't want to lose you. I don't want to go back to Sydney with0ut you. Getting married is the only way."

Bella's mouth dropped open. "You want to get married so that I can go with you to Australia? That's your reason for it?"

I coughed. "No. I love you."

"Oh Alice, I love you too, but marriage is such a big step. Give us some more time. I don't want us to get married because we feel like we have to."

One of the twins started crying upstairs and Bella got up to check on them. I placed the ring inside a cup in the backside of the cupboard. I wasn't going to look at it ever again in my whole life.

xxxx

My aunt was a bitch. It was probably a sin to call your own aunt a bitch, but Jesus Christ, Siobhan was acting like a bitch towards Bella.

In the morning, my girlfriend had called her mother-in-law to ask her about the insurance papers. Siobhan had flipped and accused Bella of being some kind of gold digger or worse.

There was no way, my aunt had snarled into the receiver, loud enough for me to hear her too, there was no way in hell she was going to let Bella have that money.

"I'm sorry." I whispered while we were driving towards the office of the lawyer Bella had found over the internet. It felt wrong to me to use a lawyer against a family member. That was probably a sin too.

Yet, that money belonged to Bella and the twins, not to my aunt. Even if she didn't approve of the choices her daughter-in-law was making with her life.

"Are you sure this is the right thing to do?" Bella asked me, killing the engine of the car. "I mean, maybe I should just forget about the money and pretend it doesn't exist."

"Bella, the money belongs to you. Emmett made that policy to cover you and the kids."

She nodded silently. Then, we stepped outside and walked towards the huge glass building.

"He wanted me to get along with Siobhan. God, if he knew I was going to get a lawyer now."

I pulled her into my arms and kissed her hair. "I'm sure he would tell his mother to calm the fuck down. She's acting like you and I murdered my cousin."

"Who murdered whom?" A slender woman at a polished chestnut desk asked cheerfully. "We are not specialized in capital crimes."

Bella cleared her throat. "Good afternoon. My name is Isabella McCarty. I have an appointment here at four p. m."

"It's a pleasure for me to meet you, Mrs. McCarty. I'm Senna Addams." Her eyes moved quickly to the clock on the wall. "I'm afraid Miss Penthes is still with another client. Would you be so kind and fill out these papers for me while you're waiting?"

She rose from her seat and handed a pile of papers to Bella. Then, she pointed towards a few metal chairs in the corner of the hall. I helped Bella fill in all the necessary information. When she had to cross – widowed – as her relationship status, she cringed. Yes, this was hard. I was beginning to grasp why she had refused my proposal yesterday.

A door opened with a squeak and a delicate red-head tripped out. In the doorframe she turned around again and cleared her throat. "Are you sure I can do this, Miss Penthes? I don't want to ruin his life."

From the office a deep chuckle echoed. "You're only trying to get what is your legal right, Vicky. Stop protecting your boyfriend. It is not necessary."

"Oh, it is, Miss Penthes. It is."

The red-head walked towards Senna's desk and sighed. "Can we rearrange my appointment for next Tuesday? I have my ultrasound examination that day."

Senna smiled kindly. "Sure, no problem, I'll try to squeeze you in on another day. This is your first child, isn't it? Bet you can't wait to figure out the sex."

"I hope it's a boy." The red-head mumbled, letting her fingers stroke down her abdomen.

Somehow she seemed familiar to me but I couldn't remember where I had met her before.

"Mrs. McCarty?" the lawyer asked, walking towards us. Even with flats she was still way taller than me with my seven inch heels. My whole life I had secretly envied tall women. I hated being petite. It ruined a lot of fashion trends for you.

"Hello, Miss Penthes. It's nice to meet you." Bella stated.

The lawyer's mouth curled into a smile. "My name is Zafrina Penthes. I'm sorry, I kept you waiting. If you could follow me to my office now, please? There we can speak in private."

"Can Alice come with me?" Bella asked, squeezing my hand so tightly it was hurting my fingers.

The lawyer raised one eyebrow. "Sure, why not. Your friend can come with you if it makes you feel more comfortable."

The office was small. Or maybe it only seemed small to me because it was so crowded. All over the table were piles with folders and staples of papers. The book shelf on the right side was filled with books and wooden figures of naked women.

"You have some beautiful pieces in your office." Bella mumbled. "Do you like naturalism?"

"Senna bought the decoration for my office. I'm afraid my knowledge about art ends with color by the numbers."

Miss Penthes pointed towards the two chairs across her desk. "Mrs. McCarty, let me tell you at first how sorry I am about your loss."

"Thanks," Bella whispered. "That's very kind of you."

"I'm not kind." The lawyer woman protested. "Kindness isn't going to help in your situation. Now, why don't you tell me about your problems with your mother-in-law?"

Bella sighed. She was not the kind of person to speak bad about others. "Well, it's complicated."

"I'm sure I can keep up. There's some problem with your late husband's life insurance. Am I remembering correctly?"

"Yes, but it's complicated. Siobhan, my mother-in-law she's refusing to hand the papers to me."

"Why?"

"Because she's mad at us," I blurred out. "My aunt hates us for what we have done."

"What is exactly why?" the lawyer asked, typing something into her laptop. Her fingernails clicked over the keys. "Because in court it won't be a good argument for her to tell the judge she's refusing to hand Mrs. McCarty the documents because she's mad."

Bella sighed. "Everything, I tell you, is strictly confidential, right?"

"Of course it is. Look, whatever reason your mother-in-law is having for acting the way she is now, I need to know. I can only work in your best interests if you trust me."

Bella took my hand and gave it a light tug. "Alice and I are together now. Siobhan caught us together."

"Well, I can understand that woman isn't too happy about that. If my son died and his wife would hook up with someone else very soon after his death, I'd probably wouldn't be too happy about that either."

"I know." I croaked. "Everyone would hate us."

The lawyer took a big gulp from the Starbucks cup next to her laptop. "It still doesn't give this Siobhan the right to refuse Mrs. McCarty what is her right. As a widow with two toddlers she needs the money her husband left for her."

Bella pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingertips. "Will I really have to go to court?"

"Only, if my other attempts to bring things to the wished for solution should fail. But let's be optimistic. Most people are terribly afraid of lawyers. I'm going to send a letter to your mother-in-law, asking her _kindly_ to hand out the papers to my office."

"And if she doesn't do that?" I asked nervously.

"Well, we cross that bridge when the time comes. Now, you should go home and try to relax. I'll handle everything."

"Thank you, Miss Penthes." Bella told her, standing up from her seat. "I wouldn't know what to do without your help."

"You can thank me once you hold that check with the five million dollars in your hands." Miss Penthes stated with a smile on her face. "Maybe you should start making plans what you wish to do with all that money."


	25. Chapter 25

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

[A/N] I don't feel like this story is doing well. It makes me feel sad, but that's just how things are like and I need to accept them. Thanks to those of you who are still with me. Your support is greatly appreciated.

Anyway, it is my plan to finish the story and after that we'll see what I do next. If no one cares about my writing, I might stop doing it completely.

****25****

_I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck._

_Emma Goldman_

"You went to a lawyer?" Esme's asked, her voice reaching a too shrill tone. Damn it. Of course she would react in a way like that. Getting juristic support against a family member was a horrible thing to do.

I tugged on one of Julie's pigtails and kneeled down to plant a kiss on my daughter's forehead.

"I'm sorry about it, Esme."

She cleared her throat and went over to the counter to fill some coffee into the two mugs standing on it.

"Milk and sugar?"

"Just milk, please." I told her. Reducing my sugar intake would hopefully help me with finally getting my weight down. It wasn't like Alice ever made me feel like she didn't like my body the way it looked now. More so, she was completely fascinated with my breasts and seemed to enjoy touching the ladies a great deal. The thought sent heat throughout my body. I couldn't wait to make love to Aly again. God, I was turning into such a sex greedy person.

"Julie wants juice." The little one demanded, pulling on my shirt. I lifted her up and cuddled her against my chest.

"How are you supposed to ask?"

"Pllleeaaase." she squeaked, granting Esme a bright smile.

"Sure, sweetie, I'll get you some. Em.J., do you want some too?"

My son looked up from the cars he was letting race over the Cullen's kitchen floor. "Milk…p-please."

My heart filled with pride. He was really starting to speak now. Everything was okay with him. Emmett had been right about not sending the boy to have a shrink talk to him.

"Thanks for watching the twins again." I told Esme while she placed a plastic cup with juice in front of me and Julie. "My friend Leah will pick them up later."

Esme smiled. "You are welcome. I like watching the twins. You and I are going to have fun today, won't we, my darlings?"

"Park." Julie suggested. "Pleasse."

"Maybe later, Julie." Esme told her, handing Em.J. a freshly baked chocolate cookie. My mouth watered at the smell, but I was determined to stay strong. At least six pounds, I thought. I wanted to lose at least six pounds. Six pounds was better than nothing, right?

"Bella, please, you need to re-think your decision with that lawyer."

I cleared my throat. "What other choice do I have? I need that money. How am I supposed to pay the rates for the house and everything with my part-time job?"

"Carlisle and I could give you some money." She suggested. "Well, to be a bit more precisely, I could give you money."

"You?" I asked. "Why would you give me money?"

Esme's hand moved to her mouth to nervously nibble her fingernails. It was a habit Alice had inherited from her mother.

"Well, you're with Alice now. That makes you part of my family. I want to protect my family as best I can."

She took a sip from her coffee and sighed. "My sister is not an easy person to deal with. But she helped me when I needed it the most. That's why I owe her."

I put Julie down on the ground again where she instantly started letting one of her brother's cars raise in the opposite direction.

"Winning! Julie winning."

"Please, Bella, let me help you." Esme pleaded. "No one needs to know about it. Not even Carlisle."

My eyes widened. Was she really suggesting this to me? Why would Esme give me money? Sure, the Cullen's were well off but accepting money from Aly's parents just seemed terribly wrong to me.

"No." I said. "Emmett made that insurance policy to cover me and the kids up. The money belongs to me."

"I know that, Bella." She mumbled with a deep sigh. "You have every right in the world to claim that money but please…don't provoke my sister any more than you already have. It could cause a disaster."

I inhaled sharply through my front teeth. "Esme, I cherish all your support. But this is between me and Siobhan. That woman is acting like a bitch to me."

Esme's eyes filled with tears. I couldn't handle seeing people cry. Aly's mom was such a kind woman. All she was trying to do was helping keep the family together.

"Look, Bella, honey, things are complicated. Let's just say that my sister knows some stuff about me, I wouldn't want my husband to know about."

I sipped on my coffee. Without the usual sugar I put in it the taste was way too bitter for my liking. "What kind of things does she know about you?"

"It's complicated."

"I got that the first time you said it. Why are you acting like you are scared of Siobhan? Is she black-mailing you with something?"

Esme nodded her head. Then she burst out into tears. Thick trails of greyish mascara trickled down her cheeks.

My first impulse was anger. I had never been close to my mother-in-law, but right now I felt so mad for the way she made Esme feel. Black-mailing your own sister? How low could someone sink?

"If Carlisle would know, it would ruin everything between us. I can't endure the thought. It kills me."

I reached over the table and placed my hand on Esme's. "I'm sure he'd understand. Whatever it is, I'm sure he'd understand."

"No, he wouldn't." she sobbed, fumbling a wrinkled tissue out of her pockets. "He would leave me."

"He won't." I told her, giving her hand a light tug. "Carlisle loves you."

"I know he loves me. But he doesn't know the truth. I lied to him from the beginning and then it was too late to tell him the truth."

I tightened my grip around Esme's fingers. "What are you talking about?"

She sighed and cleaned her nose. "You have to promise me never to tell Aly. The girl doesn't remember a thing about those things and that's a blessing."

Esme stared down at the table and rubbed over the tablecloth. Then she started talking, way too fast and way too much. It was obvious that she had kept those things to herself for a very long time, maybe even too long. She told me everything about her first husband. Her description pretty much resembled that of Edward. Only that her memories were that of an abused woman not a child.

"Why didn't you just leave him?" I asked her, trying to fight the tears in my own eyes from falling. "You should have left him the first time he raised his hand against you."

Her mouth twitched. "It wasn't that easy. When Charles started hitting me, I went to my priest and asked him to help me."

"That's good." I stated, swallowing hard. This conversation was tugging on my heart and not in the good kind of way. I hated men that raised their hands against women or children.

Esme laughed. It wasn't a joyful sound. "My priest told me that God was testing my faith with it and he said," she continued after a little pause. "He said that if I would even consider the possibility of a divorce I would sure go to hell."

"So, you did stay with Charles, right?"

She nodded. "For a while, yes. It was the right thing to do, wasn't it? For better or worse? Isn't that part of the deal? But then…Charles started to take out his temper on the boy too."

"He hit Edward. What about Alice?" Please say no, I yelled in my head. I couldn't endure the thought of anyone hurting her.

"She was his princess. I doubt he would have dared to touch her. Well, I couldn't wait for that to happen. It was bad enough that I let him hit Edward for so long. I had to take the boy to the hospital on several occasions."

"Oh my God, that's just horrible. I don't know what to say. I'm just so glad that man is dead so that I don't have to kill him myself. What a goddamn bastard."

Esme nodded her head and played around with her wedding band. "He's not dead. I wish he was. I prayed to God to free me from my marriage but he wouldn't do it."

I stood up from the table and went over to Esme to wrap my arms around her. She was quivering.

"What happened?"

She sniffed loudly. "One of the nurses at the hospital got suspicious after I brought Edward to the E.R for the third time in a month. She called the police and they arrested Charles."

"That's good. Men like him belong behind bars."

"That night I packed up all our stuff and went to stay with my sister in Tennessee. Siobhan was very understanding. I would never have made it through that first time without her help."

I handed Esme a fresh Kleenex to blow her nose again. "I understand you are upset about things. You went through hell. But it was a very long time ago."

"It doesn't matter. Time doesn't make undone what I did. And in this country…being a bigamist is still a crime."

xxxx

I parked the car and turned off the engine. You can do this, Bella, I assured myself. The truth was though, that I couldn't do this. I was bad at handling secrets. I was even worse at keeping things from Alice.

Taking a deep breathe I stepped out of the car and grabbed the flowers from the passenger's seat.

Alice was sitting on the couch when I entered the house. It didn't improve my mood when I saw that horrible Charlotte person sitting right next to her.

I was determined not to let it show how much I disliked that woman.

"Hello Charlotte." I greeted her, making my voice as friendly as possible. "Hi, my darling."

I kissed Alice passionately. This stupid Charlotte should get the hint that Aly was with me now.

"Those are for you." I told Alice, handing her the flowers. "Be careful with the thorns."

"She brought you flowers. That's a pretty romantic gesture after she refused your proposal."

Damn it. Aly didn't actually tell Charlotte about yesterday? Crap, she did.

"The roses are lovely. Thank you." Aly stated, lowering her nose to the red blossoms to smell them. "They smell divine too. Let me find a vase for them."

She rose from the couch and went to the kitchen. Charlotte giggled. God, I even couldn't stand the sound of her laughter.

"Aly, really loves you."

I nodded my head. "I love her too."

Charlotte shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe you do. But not in the same way Aly feels about you."

"You know shit about me and her. I get that for some odd reasons Aly wants to be your friend. I accept that. But if you try to interfere in my relationship with her, you are going to regret it."

She laughed again. "Is that a promise?"

"It's a warning." I was just about to add a few nasty things to my warning but Aly rushed back, hopping between me and Charlotte on the couch.

She snuggled against me and wrapped her arms around my neck. "I missed you."

"Aly, I'll leave now. Let me know if you want to fly back with me and Jazz on Friday."

Charlotte leaned down and planted a kiss on Aly's cheek. "Be safe, sweetie."

As soon as she was out of sight, I grabbed the box with tissues from the table and rubbed the mark of pearly lip-gloss from my girlfriend's cheek.

"You still don't like her." Aly stated, sounding a bit sad. "I really want you to get along with each other."

I sighed. "Yes, I don't like her. She's just getting on my nerves. Why did you have to tell her about yesterday? Was that really necessary?"

Alice cringed. "I'm sorry. I needed someone to talk about things."

"How about talking to me? I'm your girlfriend. I love you. You and I should talk about everything."

As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt the burden of guilt on my soul. Esme had made me swear I wouldn't mention anything about her birth father to Aly. It would only cause her pain.

"You're right. I'm sorry, I told Charlotte."

"It's okay." I mumbled, pulling Aly closer to kiss her again. "Let's not talk about it anymore now."

My hands moved under her shirt, cupping her breasts over the fabric of her thin lace bra.

"I like how your nipples get hard when I touch them." I whispered into Aly's ear, grazing its shell lightly with my teeth.

"We don't have much time. Leah will bring the kids back from the zoo very soon." I told Alice between breathless kisses.

"Well, then we should better make use of the time we have to ourselves." Alice stated, while she quickly unbuttoned my blouse. It only took us a couple of minutes until we were naked. Getting upstairs to the bedroom would be more comfortable but I wanted to have her now. Waiting any longer was too much torture for me.

With a low moan, Aly started rubbing herself against my thigh. "Fuck, this feels good."

I could feel how I was getting wet. My hand moved down my stomach to touch myself.

"Let me watch you." Aly whispered, lowering her mouth to suck my left nipple between her warm lips. "God, this is so fucking hot."

My fingers rubbed over my clit. I could feel it swell against my fingertips. Then, I pushed two fingers deep inside of me and cursed. Oh, sweet heaven. Raw and hard, my climax made my insides tense a few moments later.

Alice groaned. "That was the hottest thing, I ever watched in my life."

I felt tingles of pleasure running down my spine when she took my hand and started licking off my essence from my fingertips.

"You taste sweet. I love it."

I probably taste sweet because my sugar intake is too high, I thought silently while I tried to ignore my rumbling stomach.

"I'd rather like to find out how you taste like." I stated, pushing Aly back against the cushions. Very gently I touched my mouth against her wet glistening sex. I could feel Aly's clit pulsing against my tongue when I started teasing the tiny pearl. She whimpered and tossed around, trying to grind her pussy against my face. I could hear her moan my name as her release made her delicate body shudder for several moments.

"God, Bella. You're going to be the death of me."

I felt dizzy. Maybe it was because I still hadn't figured out how to keep breathing calmly during going down on her. Maybe I was just hungry. All I had eaten today was some awful turkey sandwich. I had munched it down during my lunch break.

Aly jumped from the couch and planted a kiss on my lips. "I love you."

"I love you more." I mumbled, grabbing my shirt from the floor.

I watched how Aly got dressed again. She was such a gorgeous woman. I had always found her to be the most beautiful girl I had ever met in my life.

"Are you okay? You look pale somehow."

"I'm fine. There's no need to worry."

Aly sighed and sat down on my lap again. "I wish we had more time. It feels like it is running against us."

I kissed the tip of her nose. "Do you already have to fly back next Friday? That's too soon."

She nodded her head and sighed. "I wish I could take you with me."

"We'll find a way. I don't know how yet but somehow we will." I told her, hugging her tightly.

The sound of the doorbell interrupted our precious moment of alone time.

"Hey Leah, thanks for taking my monsters to the zoo."

My friend grinned. "They are angels compared to my Samara. Girl has developed a habit of biting people when she gets her tantrums."

I kneeled down in front of the tiny black-haired girl. "Really, Sammy? You bite? That's not nice to do so for a girl."

"Sammy no girl. Sammy is wolf…grrrrr." She squeaked.

I laughed and lifted Em.J. up to carry him to the living room. It would only take a second until Julie would start screaming. The twins constantly got jealous of each other.

"Leah, do you want to have coffee before you leave?"

"Sure, why not." She said. Then she turned her attention to her little daughter. "What does my little wolf want to have?"

"Milk," Sammy demanded. She dropped to all fours and started howling loudly. It was weird but funny somehow.

"She's all about wolves since Mom read her little Red Riding Hood." Leah explained while Aly went to the kitchen to make some coffee.

"How are things working between you and her?"

"Good," I told Leah. "But she needs to fly back to Sydney in a week. I'm already scared of that."

Leah reached for my hand and squeezed it. "It'll be alright. If you two really love each other, you will manage to make it."

She grabbed the magazine that was lying on the table in front of us.

"Since when are you reading Fashion magazines?"

"She's not." Aly said, returning from the kitchen with a tray. "That's the magazine, I work for in Sydney."

Leah flipped through the pages. "It's crappy. Because of the nonsense that is written in stuff like that, women have unrealistic expectations."

"It's fashion, not some lifestyle advice." My girlfriend protested.

Leah snarled. "Whatever people make out of it, whatever—,"

"Girls, please don't fight over this, okay?"

Aly sat down next to me and tousled her hands through her hair. "Leah and I aren't fighting. We're just having a discussion. What do you dislike about the magazine?"

"It's just not real." Leah demanded. "It's not about real people. See, that picture with the woman vacuuming in those Prada heels? What woman wears high heels when she does housework? Or look at this nonsense here - Size 6 in six days - Most women wouldn't make it to size six in sixty days."

Aly took the magazine from Leah and placed it back on the table. She was hurt now, even if she didn't say anything about it. Working for a fashion magazine was everything she had ever wanted to do with her life. For the first time though, I felt like she didn't belong there.


	26. Chapter 26

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Thanks for the kind and encouraging words some of you left me on the last chapter. I can't tell you enough how much your support means to me.

Please take the time to check out the poll on my profile, if you have time. Thank you

My story - All Of You - has been nominated for Top Ten Completed fics in May 2013. I feel very honored by this and would appreciate it greatly if you would take a minute to vote for me, if you enjoyed that fic.

- twifanfictionrecs com -

#I feel like I need to give you a tissue warning for the chapter below. It made me cry when I wrote it.

****26****

_Where there is anger, there is always pain underneath._

_Eckhard Tolle_

_xxx_

"I mean it." I tell Charlotte who is looking back at me with a grin on her face. "You need to stop being so rude to Bella."

My friend rolls her eyes at me and slurps on the milkshake between her hands. "Your girlfriend needs to relax. Oh, and just for the record, I'm just watching out for you because _you're_ my friend."

I sigh and reach out to wrap my arm around Charlotte's shoulder. "I appreciate that. But Bella is part of my life now. I really want you and her to get along."

Charlotte slurps loudly through the straw and coughs when she swallows too much of the cold drink at once. "I get along with everyone. It's her who has a problem with me. Not the other way round."

I nod my head. Bella is still jealous of Charlotte. She doesn't grasp the intensity of my friendship with her. That's why she's reacting like that. Charlotte has helped me through some shitty times and I will always be grateful for that.

"Please," I begin again in a pleading voice. "Please, try to be a bit nicer to her. For me, okay?"

Charlotte throws the empty cup into the trash standing next to us. "I'll be on my best behavior."

I laugh and bend forward to plant a quick kiss on Charlotte's cheek. "Thank you."

Charlotte loops her arm through mine and we continue with our shopping trip through the mall. This is why I love Charlotte. She's always up for spending time looking at clothes. Bella hates shopping and always claims that she can't find anything that looks nice on her. What kind of problem it is, she's having with her figure. I don't get it. I love my Bella the way she is.

"Look, at those heels." Charlotte calls out, moving a bit closer to the shop window. "Crap, three-hundred bucks. Who on earth spends that much money on a single pair of shoes?"

I feel tempted to tell her that I have a pretty similar pair in the depth of my closet back in Sydney. They've been on sale though. Plus, I always get things cheaper if I order them over the company. One of the many advantages working for a fashion magazine brings with it.

Two hours later, Charlotte's credit card doesn't allow any more additions to her shopping and we head outside to the parking lot.

"I have an idea." I tell Charlotte while I try to get all of our stuff into the trunk of my car. "I want to throw a goodbye party for everyone before we fly back to Australia."

"Great." Charlotte states, "That's a wonderful idea. I love parties."

In the car next to ours, a dog is barking loudly. The sound sends shivers down my spine. I'm still afraid of dogs. Jake is an exception. He's a gentle giant and I trust him.

The dog in the car doesn't seem very friendly. I'm glad he's locked inside the car. There's a name sign on the rear window. Nero, it reads next to the picture of a Rottweiler.

"Did you hit my car?" an unfriendly deep voice asks from behind me. I turn around and cross my arms in front of my chest.

"Of course not," I tell him. The car is old and rusty. If this is an attempt to make me pay for some long overdue repairs, it isn't going to work. "I didn't touch your precious car." I state coldly.

The dude shakes his head and walks around his car two times, scanning it for any kind of damage. Somehow he seems a bit paranoid to me.

"Stop it. She didn't touch your fucking car." Charlotte tells him, stepping in front of me.

"I know how women drive like." He snaps, opening the passenger door of the car. The dog instantly jumps forward.

"Sit." The man commands in a dictator voice. "Sit, you useless mutt!"

"Animals need love." I tell him, regretting the words as soon as they have left my mouth.

"I didn't ask for your opinion, Missy." Asshole growls, his face turning red with anger.

Charlotte put her hand on my shoulder. "Let's go, Aly. Just ignore him."

I know she's right but for some reason I can't move. Instead I stare at the man's car and back at him. The dog barks angrily. He yells. I hate it when someone yells around like that for no reason.

My knees start shaking. I can't breathe anymore. Next thing I feel is how my head makes hard contact with the asphalt underneath me.

xxxx

Charlotte insists on driving me to the hospital after I open my eyes again a few moments later. Maybe there is something wrong with my blood pressure and that's why I fainted. Low blood pressure sounds better to me than panic attack.

The choleric driver has already driven off. What an awful person. I pity the poor dog.

In the hospital I get the nurse at the reception to page my father. He shows up within minutes and leads us to his office.

"She passed out." Charlotte informs him. "Maybe she has a concussion."

"What happened?" Dad asks, shining a tiny flashlight directly into my eyes.

"Nothing," I mumble. "I just felt dizzy suddenly."

"Do you feel better now?" he wants to know, while he checks my blood pressure. It is perfectly fine.

"Yes, I do. Please, don't make me stay here." I beg him. "I hate hospitals."

He laughs and kisses me gently on my forehead. "It looks like you're going to live. But I'd like to keep you here for one night just to be on the safe side."

Charlotte, the traitor, is instantly on his side. She generously offers to call Bella and let her know where I am. Great, now Bella is going to worry unnecessarily.

Dad manages to get me in the same room like Rosalie. At least I'm going to have some nice company for the time I'm forced to spend around here. God, I can't stand the smell of antiseptics in this place. It reminds me of sick people.

"Hi," I greet Rose when the nurse rolls my wheelchair into the room. A fucking wheel chair—they insisted on it. Can it get any more embarrassing?

"Aly, what are you doing here?"

"I fainted." I tell her, hopping on the empty bed next to hers. Then I tell Charlotte goodbye and watch her walk out of the room.

"Why?" Rose asks, sitting up a bit straighter in her bed. She has her laptop on her knees and I can see some mathematic scripts on its screen. "Are you okay?"

I grab the pillow behind me and hug it tightly. "Don't tell anyone, but I think I had something like a panic attack."

"Are you feeling better now?"

"Yes, I'm fine now. But, it was like I couldn't breathe anymore. Isn't that weird?"

Rosalie types something into her laptop and turns it off. "How long are you staying here?"

"Just for one night," I state. "Why are you still here? I'm so sorry about the incident with the ring. I can't even tell you how much."

"It's okay. I actually think it is romantic to choke on an engagement ring. What a way to die. Did Bella say yes?"

I shake my head. "It's too early. She says it's too early. You know, because of Emmett and everything."

Rosalie sighs. Her hand moves to her chest. "I can't stop thinking about him. How he had to die so that I can live. It doesn't seem fair to me."

The door to the room is pulled open and Bella storms in, wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug.

"Are you okay? Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Was just some dizziness, nothing more. I'm sorry if Charlotte worried you with her call."

"How can I not worry when you are in the hospital? Why did you faint?"

I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know. Where are the twins?"

"Back home with your brother. Edward offered to watch them."

She plants a kiss on my mouth and sighs. "If you are sick, you can't fly back to Sydney."

"I'm not sick. Please, stop worrying."

Bella kisses me again before she turns to Rose. "Hey, Rose. Why are you still here? Is everything okay with you?"

"They're just doing some extra tests. Hospitals love doing unnecessary tests when you have an insurance that is willing to pay for everything."

I take Bella's hand and draw an invisible heart on her palm. "I love you. Please, ask my Dad to let me go home with you. Maybe he'll listen to you."

My father doesn't clear me to go home with Bella. She is worried and I don't like her feeling that way. There are tears in her eyes when she goes home a bit later.

"Crap." I hiss, bursting into tears. I hate hospitals. I hate that I have to spend one of the last nights I have here in Seattle in this stupid hospital instead of with Bella. Everything because of that moron in the parking lot…

"Hey." Rose tells me, standing up from her bed. "Everything is going to be okay."

She strokes my hair and hums some lullaby into my ear, as she sits down next to me. "There's no need to cry now."

"I don't want to go to Sydney without Bella." I sob. "I'll miss her so much. I'll miss the kids so much."

Rose rocks me back and forth against her chest. She smells good, better than the hospital. Rosalie smells of flowers and vanilla instead of disinfects.

"You could stay here." She suggests. "Bella would be more than happy."

"I know," I croak, wiping my nose at the sleeve of the ridiculous paper gown they've given me to wear. "But my job—"

"A job is just a job." Rose states. "Other things are far more important. Nobody knows that better than me."

I notice a bandage around her left thumb. "What happened to your hand?"

"Oh that's nothing. Sammy bit me when Leah was here to visit me earlier. Samara is such a cute little girl, but a bit wild."

"I'm sorry, she bit you."

"It's not that bad. Leah was terribly embarrassed about it."

Rosalie's fingertips move over the bandage. "She even offered to do the rest of my laser treatment for free. I can't allow that."

She unbuttons the first three buttons of her nightgown and shows me the scar. It already looks a bit paler now. But it will always be visible. That's how scars are like. They remind us of the painful things that happened in our lives.

"Leah is a very pretty woman." Rose states, playing around with a wisp of her long hair. "She reminds me of Pocahontas."

"Pocahontas?"

"It's silly I know." Rose mumbles, blushing a bit. "Too bad, she's straight."

I reach out for the glass of water on my night table to take a sip from it. "Bella told that Leah is bi."

"Really? That's great. Not that it matters anyway."

Yes, sure, Rose, I think unable to suppress the grin on my face. I make a mental note that I need to push those two together somehow. Pairing off people is not something I'm good at but hey, it can't be that difficult, right?

"You should stay here in Seattle." Rosalie says after a little pause. "If that's what your heart tells you to do, go for it."

I nod, trying to hold back the tears. Why am I so awfully tearful today? It's annoying.

"Speaking of hearts," I tell Rose. "You need to stop thinking of your heart as Emmett's. It's yours now."

Rose swallows hard. "It is and yet, it will never be. This heart in my chest will always be Emmett's."

Something shatters in the direction of the door. Bella is standing between a puddle of flowers, water and a shattered glass fragments of a broken vase. Her entire body is trembling.

"Bella?"I press out, barely able to bring out an audible word.

"You have his heart?" Bella whispers in Rosalie's direction. "You have his heart?"

Rose starts crying. She buries her face in her hands and sobs loudly.

I pull Rose into my arms and hold her close. Damn it, I didn't want Bella to find out about this. It's more than she can handle.

"Did you know this?" Bella asks after a few moments of torturous silence. "Alice, did you know about this?"

My head moves downwards, once, twice and eventually a third time.

"How long?" my girlfriend yells. "I want to know how long!"

"Bella, please, try to calm down." I whisper. "I know this is hard for you."

"You know nothing! How can you keep something like that from me? You and I…we promised to tell each other everything. EVERYTHING!"

With a few clumsy steps Bella steps closer to me and Rose. She places her quivering hand on Rosalie's chest and whimpers.

"You have his heart. Why? How did you find me? Why did you come here?"

"I needed to know." Rose demands. "I'm so sorry, Bella. It's just...I needed to know who the donor was."

"He's not some fucking donor! He was my husband. I hate you! And I hate you even more, Aly. You're my girlfriend."

"Bella, please," I tell her. "I'm so sorry."

Bella's face turns into a hard mask. I remember the last time she has looked at me like this and the memory of the pain is horrible. It's her way of going on some kind of self-protection mood. There is only so much someone can handle before the person breaks irrevocably. Now, I have done that to the one person I love more than my own life. If she wouldn't forgive me, if she couldn't forgive me…I had no clue how I was supposed to live with that.


	27. Chapter 27

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Thanks to my loyal, supportive readers. I cherish having you by my side. I hope you'll enjoy today's update.

****27****

_Shared joy is doubled joy, shared sorrow is half a sorrow_

_Swedish Proverb_

_Bella_

I stormed out of the room. My hands were shaking. I could feel the tears streaming down my cheeks as I made my way over to the elevators.

It was just too much. Rosalie had Emmett's heart? How could Alice keep something as important as this from me?

During the few seconds in the elevator I couldn't manage to calm down.

"Bella, dear, what's wrong with you?" Carlisle asked me when I run into him in the waiting hall downstairs.

"Oh my god," I sobbed, unable to pretend that everything was fine. I was way too agitated for that.

_I hate you. _

How could I yell such harsh words at Aly? I loved her. Nothing would ever change how I felt about her. She was not only my lover but my best friend on top of it.

"Sit down," Carlisle said, pulling me with him into his office. Then he handed me a box with tissues and went over to a closed cupboard in the corner of the room.

"Do you need a drink?"

"You have alcohol here?" I asked skeptical.

He smiled and poured a clear liquid into a plastic cup. "You're not going to tell my wife, are you? Esme hates hard liquor."

I took the cup from him and lifted it to my mouth. Whatever kind of alcohol it was, the taste was bitter and simply disgusting. A moment later, though, a pleasantly warmth filled my insides.

"Did you and Aly have a fight?"

"Not exactly." I mumbled, looking down at the cup between my hands. "I just found out that she's kept something important from me. Why did she do that?"

Carlisle sat down next to me on the leather couch. "Do you tell her everything?"

I nodded my head, but the second I did so, I remembered that wasn't true. I was keeping something from Alice too. But I was doing it to protect her. The truth would cause her pain. It would cause her entire family pain. I couldn't let that happen.

"Bella?"

"She and I used to tell each other everything when we were kids. Guess things were a lot less complicated back then."

Carlisle's mouth twitched. "Maybe you should just try to talk things out with Alice. She loves you. I know she does."

"I love her too. That's why I don't want her to go to Sydney."

He placed his hand on mine to give it a light tug. "You were fighting about her going to Australia again?"

I shook my head. "No, we didn't fight because of this. It's…well, you remember the blonde woman whom I hired as the twin's nanny?"

"Rosemarie, or whatever was her name, right? Is this some jealousy thing?"

"She has Emmett's heart." I pressed out. "Rosalie was the recipient for Em's heart."

For a minute or so, Carlisle was very still. Then he cleared his throat. "Honey, there is a reason things like organ transplants are supposed to stay anonymous."

I sniffed. "I can't believe his heart is inside another person now. When I met Rose for the first time, it felt like I knew her forever."

Carlisle sighed. "Bella, you remember how we talked about these things…before you signed the papers? Emmett's soul, it's not in his heart. Nor was it in any other part of his body."

"I know." I whispered, lifting the cup with the alcohol again to take a second sip. "I know."

"Look," Carlisle stated. "I don't know how this woman managed to find out who the donor was. Those documents are sealed."

I shrugged my shoulders. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that Alice somehow knew about this, probably for weeks and hasn't told me."

Carlisle took the plastic cup from the table in front of us and tossed it into the trash. "Are you upset, because Rosalie has your husband's heart or because Aly didn't tell you?"

Both, I thought. Then I realized that I wasn't upset about Rosalie receiving an organ from Emmett. This was what he had wanted me to do. Em was a good person. If he could have saved a life, he would have done it.

"See, Bella," Carlisle mumbled, clicking around on his pager. "Sometimes we keep stuff from our loved ones to protect them. I can see how agitated you're right now, maybe that's what Aly wanted to protect you from."

I felt tightness in my chest, like something was tugging on my heart. All she had done was trying to protect me. Aly was such a dear person. I hated myself for leashing out at her like that. I definitely needed to apologize to her, also to Rose.

Yes, she had called the father of my kids a donor and it had pissed me off. Because in that moment it felt to me like she didn't see him as a real person and that was hurtful. But she was my friend now, a person I cared about. I was glad that Emmett's heart had been given to such a kind woman who also loved my twins so much.

"Dr. Cullen," A nurse, who stuck her head inside Carlisle's office, called breathlessly. "We've been trying to page you for five minutes. There's a man throwing a tantrum in the E.R. The Intern, Dr. O'Hara put on the shift can't handle him."

"I'll be right there, Bree, thank you. Bella, why don't you go home and rest? Alice and you can talk things out in the morning."

"Yes," I said, following Carlisle and the young nurse towards the E.R. that was located on the left side near the main entrance.

"He's drunk." Bree told him, handing Carlisle a folder. "Seems like his dog got his teeth into his forearm. It looks worse than it probably is."

"Let me see," Carlisle mumbled, flipping through the pages in the folder. "Allergic to penicillin and morpheme…hmm."-

Then he read through something else that was written in the chart, something that managed to irritate him so much that he dropped the folder on the floor.

"Evenson…Charles Edward Evenson…no, that can't be. It must be a coincidence."

I felt like I was in the way and quickly told Carlisle goodbye before he and the nurse, headed towards the E.R.

Back at home, I couldn't manage to fall asleep. I was too agitated to find any rest. Eventually I ended up on the couch in the twin's bedroom, the dog cuddled against my side.

"Mommy Aly." Julie demanded, sitting up in her bed. "Mommy Aly?"

"She's going to come back home tomorrow." I told my little daughter. "We miss her. Don't we?"

Julie nodded and grabbed her doll. "Up, Julie, up."

"Be still. We don't want to wake up your brother, okay?" I whispered, lifting her up. My fingers brushed gently over Em.J.'s head. His hair was getting too long. I needed to cut it soon.

"I love you, my babies." I whispered, kissing Julie's forehead. Then I rocked her back and forth on my lap until I finally drifted into a restless sleep.

The shrill sound of the doorbell woke me up in the morning. For a moment I felt irritated. Why was I in the twin's room?

The doorbell buzzed again. God, I hated it when people showed up here that early. That usually didn't mean any good news.

On my way down the stairs, I quickly braided my hair in my neck.

"Good Morning," Charlotte greeted me. "Did I wake you up?"

"No," I mumbled, rubbing my eyes. They burned. It was always a mistake to go to bed without taking off my make-up. "What are you doing here?"

Charlotte's freckle-covered face turned into a frown. "I came here to talk to you. Aly has called me. She sounded upset."

I sighed and waved Charlotte inside the house. In the kitchen I prepped the machine for some coffee. Coffee was definitely what I needed right now.

"We had a fight last night." I told Charlotte, placing a bowl with candy stuff in front of her.

"Was that necessary?" Charlotte snapped. "The poor girl had a panic attack from all the stress she's dealing with and you need to start a fight with her?"

"I didn't," I protested. "Panic attack? I thought Aly had some problems with her blood pressure."

"Hum," she murmured, stuffing a caramel toffee between her glossy lips. "Well, I'm a nurse. I know how a panic attack looks like. Aly is too tensed because of the whole situation."

I made my hand a fist under the table. Situation? How could this impossible person in front of me call my relationship with Aly a fucking situation?

"I love Alice. She and I are going to deal with everything."

"I love her too." Charlotte stated, taking the mug with the steaming coffee from me. "Not in the same way." She added quickly.

"You love her…but you're not in love with her?"

She nodded, waving her left hand in front of my face. For the first time I noticed the small golden ring on her finger. "I'm engaged. His name is Peter."

"And all those flirting with Aly?"

"I like being affectionate with my friends. Aly is a great girl. I want to see her happy."

"I too," I told Charlotte. "I want to be with her and make her happy."

"Then you need to stop fucking up." Charlotte told me. "Saying no to her proposal? What kind of low-blow was that?"

I gnashed my teeth. If and when, Alice and I would get married was not any of Charlotte's goddamn business. I was just about to snap at my girlfriend's Australian bestie when the dog started barking and rushed downstairs to the opening front door.

"Good boy," Alice's light voice greeted him. "Are you happy that I'm back? Good boy."

Jake followed her into the kitchen. I jumped from my chair and wrapped my arms around Aly.

"Why are you here? I would have come to pick you up." My lips touched the tip of her nose very gently. "I'm sorry that I yelled at you."

I held Aly close, even when I sat down again. I didn't want to let her go. She ended up sitting on my lap.

"Hey, Charlotte."

"Good Morning, sweetie," Charlotte said. "Are you feeling better today?"

Aly nodded her head. "I think I'm better now." She rested her head against my shoulder. "You're not angry at me anymore, are you, Bella?"

"No," I told Alice truthfully while I played with her hair. "I'm not angry anymore."

Charlotte giggled. "Well, that's good to hear that trouble in paradise is over. I'll give you two some privacy now."

She kissed Aly's cheek and walked out, whistling through her teeth.

"She really seems to care about you a great deal." I stated, pulling Aly a bit closer on my lap. "I'm glad you have such a good friend in her."

"Yes," Alice whispered. "Look, Bella, I'm sorry. I should have told you about Rose having Emmett's heart as soon as I found out."

"No," I answered. "You don't have to apologize. I understand why you kept it from me. You didn't want me to get hurt."

"Oh Bella,"

I kissed her. Our lips pressing against each other while I felt Alice's tongue swirling against my own. I loved her. I couldn't get enough of her.

"Let's never fight again." I whispered, moving my mouth gently down Aly's throat. I loved the taste of her skin. "We don't have much time together. I don't want to ruin it."

"You're right. Bella, I love you. Please, promise me, we're going to stay together."

"Of course, we'll stay together, darling. I will never let you go. Well, technically, I need to let you go to Sydney but—"

The doorbell started ringing again. I noticed that Charlotte had left her jacket, hanging over the chair. When I went to open the door, though, it wasn't her who stared back at me.

"Certified mail for a Mrs. Isabella McCarty,"

"That would be me." I stated.

The guy pulled out a pen and coughed. "I need to see an ID please."

"Sure, just a moment, I'll get it."

I grabbed my wallet out of my handbag and held up my driver's license. "Here we go."

He barely looked at it before he let me scrawl my signature on his flipchart. "Thanks Ma'am."

The delivery guy was barely out of the door before I ripped the envelope open. The paper cut into my finger, making a tiny drop of blood smear the white paper. Ouch, damn it.

"What is this?" Aly asked me, hugging me from behind. "Nothing bad, I hope?"

"Let me see. Jeez, those are the insurance papers. Siobhan sent them. I can't believe she actually sent them."

"For real? That's fantastic, baby. I'm glad my aunt came to her senses. That money belongs to you and the kids."

"To us," I corrected. "The twins, I and you, everything that's mine is yours too."

I dropped the envelope with the papers on the living room table. Five million dollars; what in heaven's name was I supposed to do with so much money?


	28. Chapter 28

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back, my dear readers. Special thanks to those of you who left a review. I always enjoy reading your encouraging thoughts on my story.

****28****

_Freedom is the oxygen for the soul_

_Moshe Dayan_

I felt Bella's lips brushing lightly over the skin on my neck. There could be no better way to get woken up than this. With a soft sigh, I stretched against her embrace and opened my eyes.

"Good Morning,"

"Good Morning, sleepyhead." She whispered, kissing my cheek. "Are you awake now?"

"I'm not sure yet." I murmured, blinking into the bright light of the sun that reflected in the windows.

"The twins are good today." Bella stated. "I'm surprised they haven't woken up by now."

I giggled and pushed Bella back against the pillows around us. "Maybe we should make use of our alone time then."

My hands moved under the hem of her shirt to caress her skin. "I love how your skin feels like. It's so smooth."

"That's just that lotion stuff Leah gave to me." Bella explained. "It smells nice too."

"Let me check," I murmured, lowering my head to her abdomen. "You always smell good to me."

She shivered under me when I flicked my tongue against her navel. "I like the way you taste too."

Gently, I let my lips glide down her upper body while my hands moved higher to cup her breasts. Another moan left her mouth. The sound went straight to my core, making me instantly damp and needy between my thighs.

Bella's hands fisted my hair as I pulled down her panties and touched my lips tenderly against her bare mound.

"Impatient today, aren't we?" I mumbled, blowing over the wet glistening flesh. She shuddered. I swiped my tongue down her entrance, never touching her clit at first when I licked up and down her slit.

"Please," she whimpered, tightening her hold on my hair until it was almost too much and painful. "Please, Aly."

I smiled against her sex. Then I started licking her in a faster rhythm. The tip of my tongue massaged her clit. I barely managed to thrust two of my fingers inside her wetness before she clenched around them. I loved that I could make her come like this. It was such a turn-on for me.

"Kiss me," I whispered breathlessly when I leaned down over her a few moments later.

"I'm all over your chin." Bella protested. I wouldn't have any of this shyness now, though.

"Kiss me, Swan, before I make you."

Bella laughed and I enjoyed the heat that spread through my body the split second her tongue touched against mine in her mouth.

"Do you want it to be your turn now?" she asked, stroking gently over my chest. I felt my nipples react to her caress and groaned.

A high-pitched scream from the twin's bedroom managed to ruin my sex mood within a second. I loved the kids. I loved them dearly but sometimes it wasn't that fun to have them interrupt you in the most intimate moments.

"I'll check on our monsters." Bella said, planting a quick kiss on my shoulder. "Don't move. I'm going to be right back."

She jumped from the bed, giving me a very tempting view on her backside as she rushed out of the room.

_Our monsters_

For the first time, Bella had actually referred to the twins as _ours._ The thought made me feel all fuzzy. Life was strange sometimes. I had never wanted to be a mother. Now I had ended up as the co-mom for two kids.

The dog whined in front of the slightly ajar door. "Here," I called, knowing that Jake was capable of pushing the door open himself. "No, not on the bed, that's insanitary." I ordered. "No! Jake, no!"

I couldn't even manage to turn my head to the side before one lick of his tongue covered my face in his slobber. It was so gross.

"Jake, get down from the bed right now." Bella commanded when she returned with both twins. She handed Em.J. to me. "Down you stubborn dog,"

Julie giggled and wrapped her tiny arms around the dog's neck. "Jake down. Jake down."

I could clearly see the dog raising his eyebrow before he eventually decided to obey Bella's orders.

"He slobbered all over me." I told Bella, wrinkling my nose in disgust. "It's gross."

"It's his way of showing you his love."

I reached for the box of tissues in the nightstand. Jeez, I wish the dog would love me without all that slobbering.

"How's my prince today?" I asked Em.J. brushing over his curly hair. "We need to cut your hair."

"No," he protested. "No. No. No."

I laughed. "You're going to look like a girl when we don't cut your hair any time soon."

Bella sat down next to me and started brushing through Julie's hair with her fingers.

"Ouch!" the girl cried out. "Ouch, Mommy."

"Give her to me, darling." I told Bella. "I'll do her hair. Can you get me the brush and some of her ribbons?"

Doing a toddler's hair wasn't an easy job. Julie wasn't very good at sitting still but I had learned to work fast.

Bella sighed deeply. "I love this. Us four being together. God, I'm going to miss you so much when you're gone."

I swallowed through the unpleasant tightness in my throat. I would miss her too. I would miss the twins. I would miss Mom, Dad and Edward.

"I'll miss you too."

"Then, stay." Bella whispered. "Please, Aly, I know, it's too much to ask you for, but please. Don't go to Sydney. I want us to be together."

There are things in life that you can't decide on rationally. There was a part of me that wanted to go to Sydney and start that writer's job so very badly. But there was the other, more emotionally based part of me that wanted nothing more than to wake up every single coming day with Bella in my arms.

"I'll stay." I told her. "I won't go."

"For me?" Bella asked, pulling me into a tight hug. "Or for us?"

"For us," I answered, kissing her softly on the lips. "I'm staying for us."

Half an hour later I called Jane to let her know I wouldn't take the job - family reasons. She wasn't too pleased about the news but eventually ended up wishing me the best for my future.

Charlotte on the other hand told me I was crazy when I told her that I wanted to stay in Seattle with Bella.

"She talked you into this." My friend snapped at me. "Bella is such a selfish person."

"Don't talk about her like this." I hissed. "If I really wanted to go, I could have done so. It was _my_ idea to stay."

I could hear Charlotte clear her throat on the other side of the phone. "If you say so, Aly, if you say so."

"Charlotte, for fucks sake, can you just try being a friend and support my decision."

"Friends don't support friends doing stupid things. The job at that fashion magazine was such a good chance."

"Chances come to you when you expect them the least. Maybe I would have hated it in a few months."

Yes, I thought, just try to convince yourself. Having my own column was one of my dreams. Well, dreams could change any day. Sometimes they had to.

"On what are you planning to live without a job?"

"Charlotte, are you my mother now?"

"No, I'm not. But I care about you. I want to know that everything is okay with you before I fly back home."

I sighed. "You can stop worrying. Bella has just received an insurance policy over five million dollars. It's not like we are going to starve anytime soon."

"Five million bucks, Christ, so much money," Charlotte called out. "You could easily found your own fashion magazine with that amount of cash."

xxxx

Later that day, when Bella and I were having dinner at my parent's house, Charlotte's words still echoed in my ears. To have my own fashion magazine; what a tempting idea…

"Aly? Aly, can you pass me the salad?" my brother asked me, startling me in my daydreaming.

"Sure, " I mumbled, handing the glass bowl over to him.

"Thanks."

My mother placed her hand on my arm and smiled kindly. "Oh sweetie, we are so happy that you've decided to stay home. I can't even tell you how happy we are. Thank you, Lord."

I took a sip from my wine. Now, that I had finally made my decision a feeling of lightness overwhelmed me. Then, I noticed the strange, almost mask-like expression on my father's face. Something was obviously wrong with him. Maybe he just had a stressful day at the hospital today.

"These mashed potatoes are too die for." Bella hummed. "Esme, you need to tell me your secret recipe."

"My wife likes having secrets." Dad murmured, emptying the glass in front of him with a big gulp. It was his third one, I noticed. I had never seen him drink that much before.

"Darling, is something wrong?" Mom asked, filling his glass another time. "You seem tensed somehow."

"Yes, he is." Edward stated. "I noticed that too."

"Edward, please, this is between me and your mother. I don't wish to talk about it now."

Mom's face turned all pale. "Why are you so mad? Did my sister call again?"

"No, she didn't. But maybe I should give her a call instead. There are some things that, I'd really like to ask her about."

I could hear Mom gasping for air, followed by the clicking sound of cutlery that was dropped too abruptly on the plate.

"Kids, please leave us alone for a moment."

"No, Mom," Edward protested, leaning over to squeeze our mother's hand. It looked like she was close to crying. Just like me it didn't take much for her to start weeping like a baby. Why was Dad in such an awful mood tonight? Shouldn't he be happy too that I'd decided to stay in Seattle?

"I had an interesting patient yesterday." Dad told Mom, looking down at his own hands. "A man was brought into the E.R. because his dog bit him."

"That's awful. People should be more careful around animals." Bella stated. "Aly, don't look like that now. Jake would never harm anyone."

Dad cleared his throat. "The name of the patient was Charles Evenson. Does it ring any bells for you, dear wife?"

"Oh my God." Mom pressed out, covering her face behind her trembling hands. "Don't tell me it was him."

My brother tugged on the sleeve of my shirt. "Aly, come with me. You don't need to hear this."

"Hear what?" I asked. "I don't understand what's going on."

"The man in the E.R. was your birth father." Dad explained with a tortured expression on his face.

"Daddy? But he's dead. Mom, I don't understand what he's talking about."

Mom sobbed. Then she pulled back her chair so abruptly that it fell down behind her and rushed up the stairs.

I hated ugly scenes. I could barely remember that my parents had ever fought in front of me and my brother before. At least not like this.

"I'll check on her." Edward offered, wiping his sweaty forehead with his fingertips.

"No," Dad told him quickly. "I'll do that myself."

When he was gone, Bella stood up from her chair. "Aly, we should go home now."

"Are you kidding me? I'm not leaving until someone tells me what in heaven's name is wrong here. Our birth father was in the hospital? How can he be in the hospital when he's supposed to be dead for over twenty years now?"

Edward reached over the table for the bottle of wine. He didn't even bother with using his glass. In several greedy gulps he emptied the remaining rest in the bottle down his throat.

"Lord, Almighty, please give me strength, I beg on you."

"Edward, stop praying and tell me what's going on." I demanded, shaking him by the shoulders. "Edward!"

My brother coughed, lifting the empty wine bottle to his lips again. "God, I'm turning into him. He always used to drink when he got upset."

"Edward, what is wrong with you? Tell me!"

He laughed a strange hysterical laughter. Then he dropped down to his knees and leaned his face against my lap. I could feel his tears soaking through the fabric of my skirt.

"Edward, please, you're scaring me."

"I'm sorry. Duckling, I'm so very sorry. I never wanted you to know."

"Never wanted me to know what?" I asked, helplessly stroking Edward's hair in an attempt to calm him down somehow.

"Our birth father didn't die. Mom made up that story after he got arrested."

"Arrested for what?"

"Aly, why do you want me to tell you something that will only cause you pain?" Edward said in a lifeless voice. Then, after a brief pause he added. "He was a pig. Our father was a drunkard who had a sick fun beating the shit out of me and Mom. I wish, he was dead for real because that's what he is to me."


	29. Chapter 29

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back, my dear readers. Thanks for all your support. I appreciate it greatly.

****29****

_Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a dad._

_Author Unknown_

Why did you never tell me? I asked my brother while I tried to get hold on the bottle of bourbon be was sipping on now. Drunken people scared me. Seeing Edward drunk scared me even more. I needed answers to the countless questions that were racing through my head now.

Our birth father was alive? Why had Mom claimed him to be dead? None of this made any sense to me.

"Aly, come on. Let's go home now. We should give Edward and your parents some privacy." Bella demanded, wrapping her arm gently around my waist to pull me with her. Was she kidding me? There was no way I was going to leave now.

From upstairs, I could hear my parents yelling at each other, followed by the slamming of doors. Crap…

Edward groaned and lifted the bourbon to his lips again. "Dear Lord, have mercy on my soul."

I had enough. With as much strength I was capable of I managed to get the bottle away from him. Then I rushed over to the kitchen and poured the alcohol down the sink.

When I returned to the living room, I kneeled down in front of my brother and took both of his hands in mine. They felt cold like ice to me.

"You need to tell me everything." I demanded. "I have a right to know."

Bella exchanged a worried look with Edward. At first I thought she was just concerned about him having this breakdown in front of us. But then he mouthed something and she nodded her head in agreement.

"You knew." I snapped. "Bella, don't tell me you knew about this?"

She coughed and a sudden redness began to spread all over her face and chest. "Aly, please, I…we were only trying to protect you."

I tightened my hold around Edward's hands. "Is that true? You were trying to protect me?"

He nodded his head and for a split second the hint of a smile played around on his lips. "That's what big brothers do."

"But he's our father. I don't understand why you told me he's dead when that's not true."

Bella sat down next to me on the carpet. She put her arm around my shoulder and stroked up and down the skin on my arm. "Maybe it would be better to ask your mother about it."

"No," Edward whispered. "I know everything just as much as she does. Anyone needs a vessel to pour their worries in. For Mom that was always me."

I swallowed dryly. My throat felt uncomfortable tight. "Did he hit us? I can't remember anything."

Tears began to roll down his cheeks. "Father preferred to take his temper out on Mom and me."

A weird feeling began to stir deep within my chest. "Why didn't Mom leave him when he was so cruel?"

Bella leaned over and kissed my temple. "Don't judge Esme for it. I can assume it must have been hard for her. Maybe she loved him and had the desperate hope that he would change, that she could change him."

Edward chuckled. "God himself couldn't change this devil if he tried to do so."

A loud noise made me turn my head. A huge suitcase had made its way down the stairs. Now a bunch of clothing was lying around everywhere.

"Mom, what are you doing?" I asked her. "What are you doing there with your suitcase?"

"Leaving!" she sobbed, trying to stuff the clothes back into the suitcase as quickly as possible. Dad was next to her within a minute.

"Stop this. Where do you think you're going, wife?"

Mom sniffed. Then she sat down on the first step and buried her face in her hands. "I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry. This is really bad."

Dad sighed. He kneeled down next to her and closed the suitcase with a loud bang. "Yes, this is bad." Dad stated, taking Mom's hand. "It's even worse that you were scared of telling me about it. That's like you don't trust me at all, when you know I love you more than my life."

My mother nodded her head. "I was scared. I thought you'd leave me, if you knew the truth."

Dad played around on his wedding band. "I would never leave you." He mumbled while he rubbed small circles over my mother's hand. I noticed the fine stripe of pale skin on her ring finger. Why had she taken off her ring?

"I lied to you." Mom sobbed. "Do you remember when we met and you told me how sorry you were about my sister losing her husband?"

"Of course, I remember. You were in the hospital with her that day."

Mom sniffed and pulled a used tissue out of her pocket to blow her nose. Her make-up was smeared all over her face. I couldn't remember to have seen her like this before. It broke my heart.

"That's what gave me the idea. All I could think was how easy everything could be if I could just be a widow. God is kind to widows. Not to those who simply leave their husbands."

"Mother, please stop saying such things." Edward pleaded in a broken voice. "If you hadn't left he would have killed one of us sooner or later."

"Look at me, Darling." My father whispered. "I'm sorry you got hurt like this. Also that you felt like you couldn't tell me the truth."

"I'm sorry." Mom croaked. "I…I w-w-wanted to tell you…but then you p-p-proposed and it was too late to break the truth to you."

He shook his head. "If you had told me what your husband had done to you, I would have killed the bastard myself."

Mom's bottom lip started quivering. "I wish I had told you. But I was scared. My sister helped me to fake the death documents and everything else."

Dad cleared his throat. "That's why you were always so chicken around her, right?"

Bella crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Tell them that Siobhan was black-mailing you."

I felt an unbearable wave of anger spread through me. I didn't know how yet, but somehow I would make my aunt pay…

xxxx

After a sleepless night that Bella and I spent talking on the couch, I got up to prepare some coffee and breakfast for the twins.

My face reflected in the window and I shrugged back. Crap, I looked horrible today.

"Mommy Aly." Julie squeaked cheerfully. I lifted the little girl up and kissed her on her cheek. "Good morning, my princess. How are you?"

"Up," Em.J. demanded pulling on my shirt. "Up now."

Bella entered the kitchen and pulled out two cups from the cupboards. She poured coffee into them and added some milk for me.

"Since when do you drink black coffee?" I asked her, taking a sip from my hot drink.

"You forgot to buy low fat milk when you went shopping yesterday,"

"I'm sorry."

"So am I," Bella stated. "Not about the milk, but about lying to you about your birth father. I was trying to—,"

"Protect me," I finished her sentence. "I know how it's like if all you want to do is trying to keep pain away from someone you love."

She sighed and leaned down to me to kiss my mouth. Her lips tasted warm and bitter from the coffee.

"Hungry. Julie is hungry." The little one demanded. Bella attempted to feed some oatmeal to her but our tyrant threw an instant tantrum.

"I'll make a sandwich for them." I told Bella. "When I was little, Mom and Dad never forced me to eat food I didn't like."

While I spread some peanut butter on a slice of bread, I tried to sort my thoughts. For as long as I could remember Dad had been my father. It seemed difficult for me to accept the news that the man who had actually fathered me was still out there. I needed to see him. I wanted to see him to see if he was as evil as Edward and Mom had claimed him to be.

"I want to meet my father." I told Bella. "Even if it's only for one time,"

Bella didn't think it was a good idea for me to start looking for my birth father. But she was supportive and even suggested to ask Rosalie for help. She was more than glad that Bella had apologized to her for her rude outburst in the hospital.

"Is this even legal?" Bella asked when Rosalie typed eagerly into her laptop later in our living room. How big were her chances of finding my father online? Maybe I should just ask Dad to show me his file. But he wouldn't approve of me trying to contact my birth father.

"Legal, legal, legal." Rose muttered. "Do you want me to find the dude or not?"

"Just be careful." I said. "We don't want you to get arrested for anything."

She smirked and licked a bit of gloss from the edge of her lips. "Who would dare to arrest a sick woman like me? I'm way too fragile to be sent to jail."

"Isn't his...I mean, isn't _the_ heart working properly?" my girlfriend asked her worriedly.

Rose laughed. "It's working fine. That was just me trying to be funny. It's not my strong point. Leah has some great sense of humor."

I looked over Rosalie's shoulder, trying to get a better view at the laptop screen.

"You like her." Bella stated. " I mean, you really like her."

Rosalie's cheeks blushed. "Maybe a bit, but I don't think she's interested in me. At least not like that."

None sense, I thought. All Leah and Rose needed was a little push in the right direction, preferably towards each other.

"There we have him." Rose told me a few minutes later. "He's living in a motel about twenty minutes away from here."

Half an hour later when I turned off the engine of my car, I realized that I had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to talk about to my father. My palms were sweating and I quickly wiped them on the fabric of my jeans. Maybe I should have changed into something nicer? Maybe I should have let Bella and Rose come with me. This was something I needed to do on my own though.

A dog barked loudly. Crap, I hope that's not coming from my father's room. I still wasn't on best terms with dogs, especially when they sounded all aggressive like this one.

Taking a deep breathe, I went to the door and knocked.

"I told you to let me sleep in today," the guy who opened the door a moment later snapped at me. "What do you want, Missy?"

My mouth fell open. I had seen him before. He was the rude man who had accused me of hitting his car in the parking lot. Obviously he didn't seem to remember me.

"I'm sorry." I pressed out. "I must have the wrong address. I'm looking for a Charles Evenson."

"That would be. What do you want from me?"

His dog jumped forward and startled me so much that I ended up flat on my back. The animal growled above me. Shit.

"Down, Nero" my father commanded, pulling the dog off from me.

What an awful animal. At least he hadn't bitten me.

"You're alright, Missy, aren't you? No need to press charges against me, right?"

I nodded my head. "Your dog doesn't seem to like strangers."

He grinned and held his arm up to me, showing me his bandage. "He doesn't like me either but I'm fine with that."

"Why?" I asked, never moving my eyes away from the growling dog. The fur on his neck was standing up and my father was having trouble to hold the animal back.

"Sit, you stubborn mutt! Sit before I make you!"

I gasped for air, feeling the instant feeling of fear and panic fill every fiber of my body. Images of him yelling at Mom in the very same voice flashed through my head. The thought was unbearable. I had to get away from here.

"Missy, don't faint on me now. I ain't got time for any of this."

"I'm s-s-sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you. Like I said, I must have had the wrong address You're not the man I'm looking for."

I turned around and managed to somehow put one foot in front of the other. How far could the way back to my car be?

"Wait! You forgot your handbag." He called after me. I stopped. By now my head was spinning from the lack of oxygen. Don't pass out I tried to command my body.

"Thanks," I managed to press out barely audible when I took the handbag from him.

"What do you want from Evenson?" he asked, pulling roughly on the leather collar around the dog's neck. "I mean from that Evenson who you are actually looking for."

"Nothing of importance." I whispered, tumbling towards my car. I felt proud of myself when I made it to the next crossroad without crashing the car against something.

I felt like crying but I couldn't. Inside of me everything was numb. With the last bit of will power I had left, I dialed Bella's number.

"Aly! Thank God you called. Is everything okay?"

"I don't know." I answered her. "Can you come and pick me up?"

"Sure of course. I'll be right there. You shouldn't have gone there on your own in the first place."

I turned off the engine of my car and waited. After a while I saw my father walking down across the street with the dog. He was throwing a tennis ball into the air that the dog chased after. When he returned it to him my father leaned down to pet its head. The tenderness he showered the animal with now was contrary to his harsh tone earlier.

"Sorry," Bella called out pulling the passenger's door open. "I missed the bus and had to run half the way."

She lowered her head to kiss me softly on my forehead. "Sweetie, you look bad. Move over. I'll drive you home."

"Hospital," I told her. "I want to go to the hospital."

"Are you feeling sick again?"

That too, I thought bitterly. But most of all I wanted to see my Dad, my real Dad who had loved me all my life.


	30. Chapter 30

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome to the last chapter of my little Bellice story here. I want to thank each of you who decided to read and comment my project. Your support is what keeps me motivated. I hope to see some of you again on one of my new fics. I might try a different femslash pairing for it, but I'm not sure yet.

This chapter is dedicated to Bellice Fan for providing me with the idea for this fic and to Leslie for being the most supportive reader and friend anyone could wish for.

****30****

_Happiness is a form of courage_

_Holbrook Jackson_

_xxx_

_Bella_

"I'm sorry." I whispered kneeling down on the fresh cut grass. "It's been a while since I came to visit you."

Em.J. instantly started fidgeting around when I pulled him on my lap. "Say hi to Daddy."

"Hi Daddy," Julie mumbled before she turned her attention back to the tiny daisy flower she had plucked on the parking lot.

The twins were too young to understand any of this. Taking them to visit Emmett's grave was something they couldn't understand. Maybe in a few years when they were older it would be easier for me to explain their father's death to my kids.

"I brought you some flowers." I stated, putting them into a plastic vase. "Aren't they pretty?"

"Pretty flowers." Em.J. said, ripping the head of one of the tulips up to toss the petals all over the grave.

"Stop that right now." I snapped. "Don't touch the flowers."

I sighed deeply and leaned down to kiss my son's forehead. "You'll be a good boy today, won't you?"

He nodded and snuggled a bit closer against my chest. "The insurance company has transferred the money. Rose has helped me to arrange everything with the bank and set up a trust fund for the twins." I cleared my throat and reached out my hand to wipe a bit of dirt from the grave stone. "I think you'd like her. She's smart…and pretty too."

A glimpse at the watch around my left wrist told me that I was already behind in my time schedule.

"I promise to come back soon." I said. "You'd be okay, if I brought Aly here with me, wouldn't you?"

My back hurt when I got up and tried to balance Em. J. on my side.

"Julie up too," the little girl demanded eagerly. "Julie up now."

I put her brother down again. "Both of you walk. Take Mommy's hand. Don't let go."

Taking the kids with me while I was supposed to decorate the church was a bad idea but everyone else was busy with other preparations.

"Don't touch anything." I told the twins, knowing that my words were wasted. I had to work fast.

After placing a blanket in a corner and handing a couple of toys to my little monsters, I went to work.

I tied silk ribbons around each bank and filled crystal vases with white lilies and candles. It looked so lovely. Who had thought Bella Swan could manage to turn a room into such a romantic atmosphere. There weren't enough pillows, though.

Maybe Edward could show me where I could find more of them so I went to his office. I was just about to knock when I heard loud voices through the closed door.

"For the last time now, Cullen," Father James hissed in his annoying nasal voice. "If you hold this wedding today, I'm going to contact the bishop. You'll get excommunicated."

"Do what your conscious tells you to do, Father." Edward answered him. "But so will I do."

Father James coughed loudly. "What you mean?"

"I mean that the bishop would most likely not be happy to hear about a certain young woman, a very pregnant young woman to be a bit more specific."

The answer to this was a harsh cussing that was completely unworthy of a priest. Father James was going to have a baby? But he was a priest. The poor child, I thought, instantly feeling sorry for the poor little thing.

"Let's go home, twins." I told them rushing back. "We need to get ready for your aunt's wedding."

At first Esme had been hesitating about filling in for the divorce of her first husband. Not so much because she was raised to believe that divorce was a sin but mostly because she was scared of the authorities. Everything had gone smoothly though, thanks to the skillful lawyer Carlisle had hired for his wife. His wife…in a few hours Esme was actually going to be his wife…legally speaking.

"You're back." Rose greeted me, rising up from the couch. "That's great. Kids did you have fun?"

"I'm afraid visiting Emmett's grave is rather boring for them. How's the website doing?" I asked her, taking a curious look at the laptop screen. "Wow this looks amazing. Did Aly see it yet?"

Rose frowned. She lifted Julie up and sat down next to me. "No, she hasn't. I want it to be finished before she takes a look."

"Where is Aly now?" I asked, fascinated how Rose maneuvered the pictures on the screen skillfully around.

"She's upstairs, getting dressed for the wedding. You should do that too. I can take the kids for a little walk meanwhile. It will hopefully make them tired so that they'll be quiet later in church."

I kicked off my shoes and tiptoed up the stairs. Aly was standing in front of the mirror, applying some red gloss on her mouth.

"You look beautiful." I told her, pressing my lips against her bare shoulder. "This is a very lovely dress."

Gently I let my fingertips move down her spine finally resting my hands on her hips to pull her body against me. "It's sexy."

"Too sexy for church?" Aly asked, leaning back against my embrace. "I was going to wear a jacket on top of it."

"I like the dress the way it is." I stated running my palms down to cup her ass. "It makes me want to do very un-churchy things to you."

"Where are the kids?" my girlfriend asked, her voice already vibrating with the beginning of her arousal.

"With Rose." I whispered. "We don't have much time but I'm planning to make good use of it."

With that I pushed her towards the sink and lifted her up on it. "The shoes are very nice too." I mumbled, licking up her ankle. "How can you walk in these?"

"Practice makes perfect." Aly said with a soft sigh. "Maybe we should put some tips on it on the website. How to walk gracefully in heels or something like that."

"Let's not talk about the website now. Try to relax, honey."

I kissed my way up the inside of her thigh. When I reached the thin lace of her underwear Aly's body began to tremble. After tossing the thong down her legs, I parted them as wide as the tight dress allowed me to. My tongue swiped through her inner lips to massage her clit. I teased the sensitive pearl for a few moments before I thrust two of my fingers as deep inside of her as I could. Her inner muscles clenched around my digits as her climax washed over her in several waves of pleasure.

"I love you." She whispered breathlessly when I stood up from the ground and kissed her softly on her lips. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you, Aly. Can you help me with my dress? I don't think I can close it on my own."

Minutes later when I had managed to tame my hair in a knot that I fixed with a few pearl hairpins, Rosalie returned from her walk with the twins.

"You look good, Bella. Maybe you and Aly should decide on simply using the same lip gloss." Our friend stated. "Red lips look good on both of you,"

"Thanks." I mumbled, fixing the straps of my heels. I would regret wearing them in about ten minutes but the long dress called for something other than flats or sneakers.

"Rose, can you help me get the kids ready?"

Dressing up two-year-olds is a waste of time. The cute dress Alice had bought for Julie would end up with stains of grass and ice-cream or whatever else my daughter would find to smear upon the light blue fabric.

"How far are you with the website?" Alice asked while she tried to adjust a tiny blue bow around Em.J.'s neck.

"It's close to being finished." Rose told her, braiding a little flower into Julie's curls. I went to get the camera. Moments like these needed to be saved for the future.

"Now, aren't that some cute twins?" Alice stated. "Like two little angels."

I wrapped my arms around my girlfriend and kissed her cheek, trying not to leave a lip-gloss mark on her skin.

"Are you happy?" she whispered into my ear. "You look it."

"Yes," I nodded my head. Today I felt happier than I had in a very long time.

"I'll see you later after church." Rose said, planting a kiss on the twins head. "Be good and listen to your Mommies."

On our way to church, I couldn't let go of Alice's hand. Her palm was sweating. She was nervous. It was so cute. Well, who actually gets to witness your own parents' wedding?

I sat down in the first row and pulled Julie on my lap while Alice had Em.J. on hers. When I saw my mother-in-law sitting a bit further away from us, I cringed. Why had Esme invited her to the wedding?

"What is she doing here?" Alice hissed. "I will kill her if she ruins the wedding."

"Shhh," I whispered, placing my fingertip against Alice's lips. "It's your mother's choice whether she wants Siobhan to be here or not."

"Yes, but—," Alice protested, stopping when the music started playing. The ceremony was beautiful. Weddings always made me teary but I was busy with handing Alice tissues. She was sobbing and seeing her cry would have made me feel awkward, hadn't I known those were happy tears.

"Oh sweetie, please stop crying." Esme said when she hugged Alice a few minutes later. "If you cry, I'll cry too and that would ruin this beautiful make-up your friend has done."

"No, it wouldn't." Leah stated, stepping closer towards us. "I used waterproof mascara."

"Thanks for making my wife prettier than she already is." Carlisle said, taking Leah's hand to shake it.

"You're welcome, Dr. Cullen and congratulations on the wedding. Your wife and you deserve all the happiness in the world."

Julie started whining and fidgeting around. Yes, I had known that this wasn't the right time to start this potty training stuff. Outside the restroom I bumped into Siobhan. Great, now I would be forced to talk to her.

"Hello, Bella." Siobhan whispered shy. "Oh just look how big my granddaughter has gotten. Come and give your Nana a kiss, sweetie."

I lifted Julie up and carried her to one of the stalls. "You don't have to act like the loving grandmother now."

"Isabella, please. Look, I'm sorry. I didn't really mean what I said. I was just angry and jealous."

I sighed. "You're jealous of Alice and me being together?"

"Gracious God, no! I still think it's a mortal sin for whatever it is between you and my niece."

"Let me give you a hint. It's called love. You can't choose with whom you fall in love with and maybe that's a good thing. Alice makes me very happy and I hope that I make her feel that way in return."

Siobhan nodded her head. Then she kneeled down and pulled some candy out to give it to Julie.

"Say thank you to your Nana." I told her.

"Fank u," Julie mumbled chewing the caramel toffee with an open mouth.

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have taken my anger out on my sister like this. Esme is an angel for forgiving me."

"Why were you so angry at her? I mean, I get the part with Alice and me. That must have been difficult for you, especially so soon after Emmett's death."

My mother-in-law cleared her throat. "Like I told you before, I was jealous."

"Jealous?"

A faint blush covered her face. "You have to promise not to tell anyone. See, when he was younger Carlisle was such a handsome man. Well, he still is. Too bad, he had zero interest in me. The only one he ever had eyes for was my sister. It hurt my pride."

I told Siobhan goodbye and promised her that I would still allow her to come and visit the twins. After all, she was still their grandmother and I had felt bad for cutting her completely out of their lives.

"There you are," Alice called out, wrapping me into a close embrace. "I was starting to worry."

"Had to take Julie to the restroom. Crap, my feet are killing me. I hate these shoes."

"Take them off," Leah told me. "And put those gel pads inside them. They will help."

Rose giggled. "I'm starting to see why Alice wanted you in on the team for the website. You're really good at all these beauty tips."

Leah took a glass of champagne and sipped on it. "Speaking of the website, did you manage to finish it? I'm dying to see it."

"Patience," Rose stated, "It takes time to create an online magazine. Plus, Alice still hasn't managed to decide on a name for this baby."

I raised an eyebrow. Hadn't we decided to call the site Alice's Fashion and Beauty Tips?

"I don't want my name to be in the page's name." Alice stated. "That's as if it only belongs to me when I could have never done it without Bella's money or Rosalie's skills."

"Or Leah's endless beauty knowledge." Rose finished with a smile on her face. "I've been wondering, what kind of beauty tips you'd have for making me prettier."

"None," Leah said, not taking her eyes off from Rosalie. "I think you're perfect the way you are."

Edward walked over to us, generously offering to watch the kids. Alice's brother was good with children. If things had turned out differently for him, he might have been an amazing dad.

"I know how I want to call the site." Alice stated. "Four Hearts, doesn't that sound good? I mean because all of you have poured your heart into my project when I told you about my idea."

I told her it was a fantastic idea and we should definitely go with that name.

"Leah, why don't you dance with Rose?" Alice suggested while she maneuvered me over to the dance floor. "I bet she'd love that."

She smiled happily when she watched our friends dance together. Those two belonged together. It was so very obvious.

"Come on, Bella. Let's dance."

I had never cared too much for dancing but I knew that Aly liked it a great deal.

"You need to lead." I whispered. "I apologize in advance for stepping on your toes."

Alice shook her head and pulled me closer to her. "You're not that bad as a dancer. I showed you how to do it. Don't you remember?"

I kissed Alice tenderly on the lips. "That was in first grade, I think."

"Well, dancing is like riding a bike. You don't forget it."

For a few moments we moved in the rhythm of the slow piano music. It was perfect. We were perfect together.

"Marry me, Alice."

"Are you sure? Oh my God. Yes, yes, yes. Of course, I want to marry you! I love you."

I kissed Aly again and swirled her around. She was my life now. I would never let her go.


End file.
